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Comment by Jan Duvenage on November 21, 2011 at 12:17am

Don't cry for me now that i am gone.  I was only here for a while to brighten your way and make everyone smile.  Remember the good times and the joy we had, do not despair.  And even though i am no longer here i will allways be by your side. I am the wind that dries the tears on your face, I am the birdsong that stops your heart from breaking.  Look up at the night sky and you will see me sparkle everbright.  No more pain, or anguish nor fear for I am at peace.  Even though i know it hurts you so, please believe I have never stopped loving you.  Go now and cry no more for i am looking over you.

Comment by michael sandoval on November 20, 2011 at 7:41pm

Dear Sara,

reading your post made me cry.  I beg for my Denise back and i will be good too.

i promise i'll be good.

Comment by sara kephart on November 19, 2011 at 10:36am

tomorrows is my daughters 4th birthday and my dad will not be here...its the beginning of our journey thru life without him:(she is so sad at 3 yrs old who would of thought  they would remember and think about it i knw i gotta stay strong for her but it kills me when she beggs for him to come back and she will be good  i cry so much because thats all i want is him to come back

Comment by Laura Salefski on November 18, 2011 at 10:15am

Whew, I was confused for a bit.

Comment by Melissa Broome on November 18, 2011 at 9:56am

There are two Laura's guess we need to use last name too

Comment by Laura Salefski on November 18, 2011 at 9:29am

I am wondering if there are two "Laura's" commenting. Some of the responses don't seem to aimed at me. At least I hope not. I was with Jon until the very end, in fact I stayed with him for four more hours along with a good friend and my pastor. I see that image constantly. My only saving grace from that image is the "visits" I have quite often with Jon. He comes to ke in my dreams. For that I am truly thankful.

Comment by Sue Waxman on November 18, 2011 at 8:58am

Dear Laura,

I think you are right..your husband did not think you could handle it...so he took charge. I was with my mother Nancy when she died June 26, 2011. I held her hand and stroked her face telling her it was alright to go with Jesus. My sisters were there also. I watched the life drain out of her face and as much as I was blessed to be at her side - that image haunts me constantly. Only recently am I able to visualize and remember her beautiful face before she got so sick with cancer. I never thought I could handle watching her pass on...but I could and did. She was my entire world. My sisters went their seperate ways after her death and I am now completely alone. I face everything alone. It is daunting. My Dr. increased my antidepressent (Effexor). I hope that gets me through the holidays and more importantly mother and I share December 19th as our birthday. Much love your way. Sue

Comment by Barbara Sutton on November 18, 2011 at 7:41am

Hi Laura,

Huggs to you and I totally feel your pain in not being able to sleep, reeling thoughts that won't let me breathe. In my despair, I finally went to the doctor and got some medicne.

Secondly, I don't know why, but the only guilt I fear is that I was not there when my husband passed. It consumes me. A friend of mine told me that I should try to look at it as though maybe it was his way of taking control and not have me be there that last 4 hours of his life. He knew I was going to be devistated and didn't want to add that last breath of his to have me suffer with him. I hang on to that thought and it has helped. I too wonder if I had let him be treated medically in the wrong way. Try to reason what you went through in that light. It makes the "missing" part a little easier for me anyway.

Comment by Laura Salefski on November 18, 2011 at 3:39am

It's 3:30 am. I am still awake. How will I face a day of teenagers. I know the reasons I am not sleeping, but that does not allow me to relax and fall asleep. I keep picturing those last three weeks wondering what I could have done differently to change the outcome. Did I give up to quickly telling the Dr it was time to let him go? The experimental treatment that I encouraged him to participate in, was that why things went so bad? Did I just not
love him enough,( I'm not sure how much more I could have loved him) What did I miss that allowed him to get so sick and die?

Comment by Barbara Sutton on November 18, 2011 at 2:52am

I should be asleep too and rest up for my 4 hour ride to be with my daughter and grandson for the Thanksgiving week off. Somehow convincing myself it'll be okay that a year ago, my baby and I spending our unannounced last Thanksgiving, last Christmas, and last New Year together is haunting my unsettled soul. It is funny how grief overtakes what should be joyous right out of your life, not only being alone, but changing how you feel about holidays that once meant so much. I know I should I should, I should... but I am fighting the feeling of care and I know I will make it through, but .... Oh how I love him and miss his warmth at night. My right hand man when cooking and my tester to make sure everything is just the way he likes it..I miss that daily as well, but especially now. My grandson will not have his grandpa to share the wishbone...(he's only 11 months old).

I spent so much of my life feeling alone, then God graced me with the love of you, I learned how to be loved and grew comfortable in your arms. Now you are gone, and once again the empty spot in my heart and soul has returned. I do not ask for pitty, but for strength to go on. Today I put one foot in front of the other, not knowing what tomorrow will bring, but know this my breath...it is hard to breathe without you here.

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