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Comment by Danny on November 11, 2014 at 2:23am

I'm just bathing in the conversations we used to have and everything.  That takes so much of my time.  That and trying to be good to myself.  So nervous.

Comment by Casey on November 11, 2014 at 12:44am

Tans , I know I will miss my mom till the day I die. She is my everything , she is more important than my so called soul mate. As a single mother, She sacrificed everything for me, I know I can never ever live with the idea that I can't see her as an elderly lady and treat her and take her on trips; nothing is more important than making mom happy and spending time with her and now that's all gone. Not many people understand that , but I just hope however much time I have left on this earth , I will extend my mothers memories to this world.

Comment by Tans on November 11, 2014 at 12:20am

Alisa, the pain will lessen, there will be days when it won't hurt and then there will be days that it will hurt like hell. The pain never goes away, I guess we just learn to live with it and in a way it becomes part of our lives. 

Casey - relationships have been a big problem for me. If they are real and true - then they will stay, the rest will run as quickly as possible. You will find that there is people out there that will make time for you - not many but there are some. I did the whole mask thing and after a while i got so tired of pretending that I just started wearing my emotions - Yeah there are plenty of days when you are crying and down - but why cant people see that side of you - you are human. yes they dont know how to deal with you, but at least you are true to yourself. People who haven't lost their mom don't understand what you are going through - They expect you to get over it after a certain period of time. I have met people who lost their mom like 10 - 15 years ago and they still miss them and are hurting. After 4 years, I can say that there are plenty of days where she is around and i'm ok, then there are a lot of days where I just want my mom - she is missed every single day. You have to learn to be kind to yourself and just take it one day at a time. You will learn to function sort of normally.

Comment by Casey on November 10, 2014 at 11:31pm

Thanks Tans. I am lucky to have my mother and all the memories. I just wonder if anyone has any trouble with relationships now that mothers are gone. Everyone always want something in return. If I want love now, I need to put on a happy face, and be entertaining and loving and positive; if not, well, tough luck.It was nice to have a mother who I can always depend on for loving me. The world doesnt have time for people like me, as much as others like to say they do. I dont even want to deal with me. Keep on truckin I guess until I die.

Comment by Alisa on November 10, 2014 at 8:53pm

My mom passed away just 6 weeks ago after a very short (2months ) battle with a rare stomach cancer . I am so consumed with the pain and depression , I try and put on a happy face and go to work only because I have to . But at home I'm a totally different person , I can't eat , sleep , make myself do the things I need to do . I miss her so very much . Will the pain ever lessen ?

Comment by Danny on November 10, 2014 at 4:53am

Great Tans after 4 years its good to read.  Indeed nobody cares but then they don't know as you said.  The little infinity is priceless. 

Comment by Danny on November 10, 2014 at 3:53am

Nobody cares to be honest..and its leading to fever and panic attacks. Nobody comes lose as Casey said.  Its like going from 10 to 1 on the scale. 

Comment by Tans on November 10, 2014 at 3:36am

To my mom - thanks for the number of forevers I got with you.

“There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.” 
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Comment by Tans on November 10, 2014 at 1:26am

People don't understand what you are going through - You will unfortunately find out who your real friends are. They will only understand what you are going through once they have gone through it themselves. My advise after 4 years, is don't put on a mask, let your emotions show, it's your life and its your pain. To Casey - you are so lucky to have tapes of your mom, I would give anything to hear her voice again, treasure it cause it will get you through those really bad days. To everyone on this group - know that mom still loves you and that she is still around us, whether you feel her or not. I think that we will always have a hole in our lives, but somehow the pain gets less, we will never get over it, we will just get through it. Hugs to everyone!

Comment by Helder Silva on November 10, 2014 at 12:49am

No one seems to want to hear about the grief. If I put on a fake face and smile, everyone likes to interact. Once I talk about grief, or anything to do about being depressed, everyone scatters or they simply ignore.

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