Birthdays

My son turned 18 this month.  I could not let his birthday pass without doing something for him.  Part of me was not ready but part of me screamed the question..... How can you NOT do anything?

September also marks 6 months since my son passed.  How sad our hearts this month.  We decided to do a ceremony / tribute to my son Sam.  I had heard of a ceremony where you have a firepit and people can place messages in it so that when the note burned to smoke, the message reached its intended spirit.  It was very surreal, our families and friends around the firepit that night.  I started off the ceremony reading an old Sioux Indian prayer, then read a message to my son.  Another letter I kept private and placed in the fire.  For all who wanted to share a message, they read it out loud to before placing it in the fire, for others, they kept their message private and placed it in the fire.  The fire cracked and made it's sounds, the smoke rising to the heavens.  At the end, someone said Happy birthday while looking up.  We all felt Sam's presence that night.  The group looked up and also said Happy Birthday Sam.

 

After the ceremony, my sister and I proceeded to cut cake.  My eyes tearing.....  I told my sister, I never envisioned cutting my son's 18th birthday cake without him being here. 

 

Am I glad we did the ceremony?  Yes, it brought some peace knowing many of Sam's friends and family came to pay tribute.  Was it difficult?  Yes, my heart ached and I just wanted to run into a hole and hide.  But what kept me going was that I needed to do this for Sam.  It was his birthday, I couldn't pretend and ignore the day.

 

I took pictures that night.  I plan on making a 18th birthday memory book sometime soon.  Will we do this each year? Probably but smaller scale.  I love you son.

 

Your mom

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on September 25, 2011 at 5:11pm
Rosie, so nice you did that for your son, in his honor. I know it must it been difficult but main purpose was for him. I bet he was smiling from up above.
Permalink Reply by Rosie Fletcher on September 25, 2011 at 5:21pm
Thank you.  Yes, it was very difficult.  But I felt his presence most of that evening.  A couple of days after his birthday, then I grieved, I cried until no more tears came.  I'm still grieving because now, it's fall and that brings memories and another reminder that he's gone.  It's so hard, for all of us that have lost a loved one.  I just take it one day at a time.  Some days are worst than others.
Permalink Reply by Anne Delina Johnson on September 26, 2011 at 10:28pm

beautiful. i was thinking of celebrating my best friend's birthday in December. She died July 5th, and her birthday is just aver 6 months of her passing, December 11th, she would have been 39. I miss her. I think i'll just make her a cake, and sing her happy birthday. Watch her favorite christmas story and know that's enough to make her happy in my heart.

 

Thanks for posting your beautiful and very moving story.

Permalink Reply by Rosie Fletcher on September 27, 2011 at 7:15am

Anne, I think that is a wonderful way to remember your friend's birthday.  Was her favorite christmas story the one called 'It's a wonderful life'?  I love that movie.  Christmas just isn't the same until I watch that movie at least once.  When a bell rings, it means an angel got their wings.  Love that story.  Thanks for sharing too. 

 

Permalink Reply by Patricia J. Jones on October 5, 2011 at 2:13pm
My husband passed away 10 months ago and I thought the anniversary and birthdays would be just another day.  Wrong.  How wrong I was.  I went into a deep dark depression on those days.  I was almost ashamed of myself.  I decided instead to honor my husband's life.  My friend and I made a beautiful pictorial dvd - pictures of his life - our lives together with our children and three little grandsons.  It was very comforting and healing.  I have so much to be thankful for.  Some people never find the kind of love we had.  I miss it so much....but I had it.  It was wonderful.  He will always be my husband just as your son will always be your son.  It's easier to wallow in self pity but it's much more beneficial to everyone to celebrate their lives and be thankful for what we had.  God bless you and your family and good for you.  Way to go!!
Permalink Reply by Rosie Fletcher on October 5, 2011 at 5:06pm
Thanks Patricia!  I'm so glad you did something as well to celebrate your husband's life.  I'm sure it wasn't easy  but it was worth the effort afterwards.  Take care and many blessings to you.
Permalink Reply by Lisa Adams on January 13, 2012 at 12:17pm

Last year for Roxanne's 17th birthday, she hosted a community blood drive. She had asked all her friends and family to honor her birthday that year by donating blood, or donating the money they would have spent on a present for her.  That was April 1st.  She left us just a few short weeks later.

This year for her 18th birthday, I will again host the blood drive.  Many people from our community are stepping up to help make it a HUGE celebration.  We will have carnival games, food vendors, a motorcycle rally, live bands, a silent auction and of course the blood donation buses.  If I can make just a little bit of good come out losing her, then I think I can make it through the day. But I think the hardest part will be like Rosie said, cutting her cake without her there. I was thinking of ending the event with a balloon release, but I like your fire-pit idea Rosie. And it will probably be dark by the time we end the event.  Something to think about.

Permalink Reply by Shannon Finley on January 16, 2012 at 1:33pm

May 1st of last year I lost my best friend. A little over 3 months after that was his birthday, on August 19. I wasn't sure how I would feel on that day, but I dreaded it's arrival. Once it was his birthday, I was severely depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed, I laid there and asked Nate to come back and get me, to take me with him, because I couldn't do this alone. My boyfriend was terrified to leave me alone that day. He literally forced me to get out of bed, and dress up. We then ended up driving for an hour to the town where we lived when Nate died. We went to the cemetary, and Robby (my boyfriend) held me up while I told Nate happy birthday. After we left there, we went to see our friend, who is also Nate's brother. We all decided that even though Nate wasn't here, we should celebrate. We got a bottle of Nate's favorite tequila, and all hung out and drank, just like we would've if Nate had been there. It was almost normal. We could all feel Nate's presence, and I felt like he was happy that we still celebrated his day. That was the day that I realized, no matter how much pain I'm in over his loss, I still have to celebrate his life, because without his life, I wouldn't have mine now.

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