Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Frances Cope on August 3, 2011 at 3:44pm

Lisa, our 39 year old son took is life in the bedroom of our home on10/15/10 at 5:00 am.  We still hear the gunshot and can vividly see him lying in a pool of blood.  I hear him call for me in the middle of the night, he comes to our bedroom door and wants to bum a smoke. 

 

As for help, prayer is helpful and  pray daily, talk to God about how you feel.  Running water, like a creek, spring or river is calming.  It's like the water is washing away some of the pain.

 

Take it one day, even one hour at a time.  It's a long road to follow.

 

When did you loss happen?  Take care of you.

 

 

Permalink Reply by Lisa Adams on August 3, 2011 at 3:59pm

Frances, thanks for the reply. It's been 10 weeks now since I lost Roxanne.  The nightmares were really bad at first then seemed to get better, but they return with a vengence and will go on for a few nights then go away again.

 

It's funny that you mention water because in alot of the dreams I am either near water or searching for water.  The dreams in the caves and tunnels for example begin with me knowing that if I get through the maze, I'll come out in this beautiful place with a sparkling clean river and springs in it. And it's more like a memory than a dream. Like I've actually seen this place before.  But I search and search through the caves and tunnels and get lost. I wake up exhausted.

Permalink Reply by Grace on September 27, 2011 at 12:24pm

I have had nightmares where I wake Up crying... One re occuing Night Mare is from the Hospital... Me laying in the bed with my 14 year old son..... then the procedure to harvest his organs.... so many Dreams of searching for him like he is still alive... they can make me cry all day.... this is what brought me to this site....  Friday I had awoke to another  Nightmare of me searching for my lost child... making a bargain for the person to please let me have him back... woke to realise he is not coming back but is in a box in my bedroom (Ashes)....  I push and Cram these emotions ...Stuff them so I can go to work.. and find that I am so afraid of what is in my head that it is like PTSD or that No one in the world could stomache what is in my head.... try to force my mind not to think about it...I am afraid to talk about them because it all seems so insane that It frightens me.

 

I had such a bad day Friday... it was all I could do to get through my Job as best as I could without falling apart....  and Monday my boss called to complain about some trivial thing I did not do to his liking... and telling me he did not want to hear any excuses... and all I could do was flash back to how much that day sucked and I did not think he would even begin to understand how hard it was for me to just make it through the day and the job without falling apart.  Ironically he had lost a son in a car accident.... yet I could not bring myself to explain that I had a really bad day..... becaused after almost 2 1/2 years since my son's death... peole do not believe it is an excuse for a bad day anymore.

Permalink Reply by Lisa Adams on September 27, 2011 at 12:37pm

Grace, I know exactly what you mean.  I think sometimes that if people knew what goes on in my head, they would run away from me screaming.

I did ask my grief counselor about the nightmares and he told me that it was a normal part of the process.  We are searching for something that we've lost because our children are such an intergral part of our beings that losing them is like losing a part of ourselves.  i was listening the other day to a Billy Joel song "River of Dreams" and when I heard the words I thought, "that's me! That's exactly whats been happening to me!" 

But, it's been 18 weeks today and the nightmares aren't so bad anymore so it does get better.  Hang in there.

Permalink Reply by Grace on September 27, 2011 at 1:10pm

may 2009 for me... It is still hard... and that's why I am so afraid to talk about it... because I don't think anyone could understand this pain... And I think they would run away screaming.... it is likE a real horror movie only it has no end,  another song I THINK ABOUT IS BRANDI CARLISE.. THE STORY... ALL OF THESE LINES ACROSS MY FACE TELL YOU THE STORY OF WHO

I AM....  ALL OF MY FRIENDS WHO THINK THAT I'M BLESSED ... THEY DON'T KNOW MY HEAD IS A MESS... NO THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH LIKE YOU DO....