Comment

Comment by Marita on June 9, 2019 at 5:57pm

Linda, you’re so right “we were so close and only needed each other.” Forty years of being together, how does one move on with half a heart.....half a brain. There is no life without love. Morgan, I am lost too. I am emotionally, mentally, and physically drained and soon it will be five years of waiting, hoping, and pleading to end this misery. Joe, this is a living hell and the only thing that sustains us is the thought of the joyous reunion with our beloved. Trina, I hope being closer to your sisters will bring some comfort to you. 

Comment by Joe Kelly on June 9, 2019 at 3:56pm

I've been staring at this website for about an hour now.  I just signed in because the few of us here are all we have sharing the hell of living and even though I don't know what to say or should say going to say, I have to because we're all we have.  We died when Our Loves died but we're stuck here waiting and hoping to go where they went because they can't come back to us.  We HAVE to go to them.  Most of us were with Our Loves for many years or just about all of our lives in some cases like mine.  There is no going back and no going forward with our lives here.  We can only wait and the constant torment can't be fixed.  At least in my case and many of yours.  We're like orphan souls stuck in our bodies and as far as I'm concerned, there's only one way to fix that.  For me, it has to be natural though for fear that I have to go the way she went or might not end up in the same realm she is in.  If I KNEW it didn't matter, I'd be gone already but will suffer for as long as it takes and hope it's soon.  Every day is hell but I won't relent.  FOR HER, I will suffer this ongoing nightmare because SHE is the only thing that I want.  I have children and grands but like most of us, when we had Our Loves and lost our parents, we went on with life.  I'm witnessing that now with my children and grands.  They fell bad about losing their mother and grand mother but I'm the reminder.  They are supportive to an extent that it's my grieving MY Love, that is somewhat the focusing reminder.  When I'm gone, They will feel comfort knowing that what my wishes are completed and go on with their lives just as we did.  My only "recovery" is to go to her and adore her for all eternity.  The majority in the world can't understand or accept that.  So here we are, a small minority they can't help.  So we wait and suffer for something they can't comprehend.  I know I'm babbling now so will close wishing you all for what we truly want and waiting for.

Joe 

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 9, 2019 at 6:30am

Hi Morgan,

I too try to keep busy every minute of the day. I do have a little dog that has really helped me make it through the day. Now she is slowly declining and I am going through the same thing I did with my Husband. Watching her failing everyday is heartbreaking. When I lose her I will have nothing to live for. We never had children as we were so close and only needed each other. I always think to myself why I couldn't go first or die together. Life Sucks.

Comment by morgan on June 9, 2019 at 12:03am

 I was trying to put something together to write and I just am lost.  I just can't find the energy to communicate how devastated and debilitated my life has been since my husband's death.  I've been too busy trying to do enough to pretend I care to live.  Who am I doing this for?  No children, no animals, yes, some friends but seriously, how long can I keep this up? 

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 5, 2019 at 12:38pm

Hi Trina

I myself have been thinking of relocating back to Nevada where my Husband and I shared our retirement. It is not going on 7 years and I have thought of moving back with my sister but I decided not to because I want to live where the happiest times Julian and I shared together. I know if won't be the same but I think I will feel much closer to him. The only way I will now is to just do it.

Comment by Joe Kelly on June 5, 2019 at 9:51am

Dear Trina,

I read your post on Monday and wanted to say something comforting to you but your first paragraph says it all.  I hope your sisters can bring a little more comfort into your life and because you made that first move which must had been so hard, any reminder of it is paralyzing.  I haven't made any move yet and don't know if I ever will.  Sometimes I think maybe I should but my Love and I spent 40 years here in this apartment, it scares the heck out of me to vision leaving here as described in your second paragraph.  Your third paragraph is what I want to say to you today.  I'm sorry but I'm so broken that your words are all I can do to respond back at you.  It's crazy, Monday was Hell's basement, yesterday was Hell's penthouse, and this morning is just plain Hell.  And finally, your last paragraph back to you.  Good luck with your move that you are making that it in some way, makes this Hell on earth a little easier to bear your loss of Joseph.

Joe

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 5, 2019 at 6:09am

Thanks for sharing Stewart.

Comment by stewart p on June 4, 2019 at 1:42pm

like to share an inspirational story I just read about hope and the future...

https://nationalwidowers.org/angels-walk-among-us/?utm_source=Natio...

Comment by Trina Mamoon on June 3, 2019 at 12:56am

Hello All,

It's been a while since I posted here last. So much is going on for me that paralyzes me, and I find it difficult to function properly. But I do read your posts and feel for you all of you here, our family in grief. Only we know what it takes to go on living and survive day after day after the love of our life is gone. So much pain, so much wearing a mask of normalcy, so much of always trying to seem "normal" to the world. It's all so exhausting... 

I am relocating to Indiana (my sisters live there) and moving out of my apartment at the end of this month. Not only moving in itself is scary--it is considered one of life's biggest stressors--but the move is bringing up memories and associations from my move three years ago. Three years ago I had to sell the dream house I shared with Joseph and leave Alaska because I didn't have the wherewithal to go on living in Alaska and maintain a house without Joseph. The process of selling our house of love and having to say goodbye to all the things we held dear was reliving Joseph's death a second time. This time around it is nothing like the last time, but nonetheless it is EXTREMELY painful. There are days when I can hardly pull myself out of bed and face the day because all the memories come back rushing. 

I read your posts and have wanted to write and respond, to say words of support and comfort but found myself so depleted emotionally that I couldn't do it. Today I just wanted to come here and say hello and wanted my friends on the site to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, but I haven't had the strength to be active.

Sending you all healing vibes and good thoughts as each of you find the strength to take another step and survive one more day in spite of the unbearable pain that we carry around...

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Elynn m on May 15, 2019 at 7:58pm

Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss him so much!!! I wonder why Joe went to be with Jesus before me.  Then I have to remember that God is in control.   I cry often!!!!   I have days of depression.   I've started to volunteer at different places near my home. And even joined a gardening club!! It's really helped me to get out of this house!   Because, as most of us know, most of our friends have seemed to disappear!

  I am comforted by a Bible scripture  in the book of Isaiah 54:5 that tells me,  "Your husband is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of hosts".    I actually stumbled into that scripture a few times before Joe died, and didn't know why I kept reading it!!  I guess God was trying to prepare me for the tragedy before it hit!

           Hope we all have better days ahead!

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 19
• 20
• 21
• 22
• 23
• …
• 340
• Next ›
• Page