Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Connie K on July 26, 2014 at 1:29pm

Dear Dan

I am so sorry for your loss and the struggle your daughter and your family had throughout her illness. I lost my only child at age 17 in a car accident. But he also had Crohn's disease and spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital. I understand the heartache of being the caregiver as well. It is so hard to believe that they are gone so quickly. We are all missing a part of ourselves and struggling to learn how to deal with it. I hope you find support and help here.

Permalink Reply by Gale Brunault on June 22, 2014 at 4:59pm

Hello my name is Gale Brunault and I just lost my son, to a drug overdose, on Monday, June 9th of 2014.  He is my only child ( I do have  step daughter from my current marriage of 11 years).  The pain and devastation is so unreal and excruciating that I needed to hear from others who have had similar situations, and who go on.  Thanks for listening.

Gale

Permalink Reply by Connie K on June 22, 2014 at 8:08pm

Hello Gale - I am, so sorry to have to welcome you to the group. I too lost my son, my only child 18 months ago. He was 17. He was a passenger in a car accident. I know the despair and unbelievable pain you are suffering and just know that you are not alone . Please feel free to message me any time.

Connie

Permalink Reply by Melissa T on July 26, 2014 at 12:17am

My name is Melissa and on 5/20/2008 I found my only child, my 15 year old daughter Kaitlin dead of an accidental overdose, she died in her sleep, left for heaven without me, not knowing that I died when she did. Kaitlin was my world, my reason for being, now six years later I'm still looking for a way to get to her, I no longer fit or belong here, and I just want to go home with Kaitlin, it's where I belong!

Permalink Reply by Taylor's mom on August 7, 2014 at 3:21pm

Hi. I'm new here. I lost my 14 year old daughter in a vehicle accident in September. This has been the hardest year of my life. I still can't believe she is gone. Having a hard time going through her stuff because I can't imagine parting with her physical belongings. Also not sure about her room... How could it ever be anything other than HER room? I'm also finding that although people mean well they say some pretty insensitive things. Anyway, that is my story. Hopefully will get the chance to chat with a few people who know what I'm going through.

Permalink Reply by Taylor's mom on August 8, 2014 at 8:46am

Actually, I am making a quilt myself. I really like your idea of the shadow box. I just can't actually bring myself to get rid of her stuff yet. Just feels wrong.

Permalink Reply by Alexandra Raphaela on September 19, 2014 at 9:23am

I don’t know how to share on a group. But I am going to try. On the 14th of Feb in 2010, I had my son, Ashton, he was the most amazing little boy ever. He looked like a small version of my husband, even his eyes were my husbands, stormy grey eyes. Everything was okay when one day I went with Ashton to the hospital, and they did tests to see what was happening. He was diagnosed with Leukemia. He had been fighting against it for the past year, he was fine. But about 4 months ago he was getting worst. I never listened to the doctors, because I didn’t wanted to believe that was my baby in that bed hospital. And I remember a week before Ash died, he was bad. I remember telling him that he could let go, that if he was ready, he could let go. But he didn’t let go. He got fine after that, but the next week he got worst again, and in the middle of the night, my husband and I got a call from the hospital to get there as fast we could. My son was on life support, but I didn’t wanted to make him suffer, so I told them to shut it down, and I hold my son’s body while his breath was getting weaker and his heart stopped.

I am sorry if its too big.

Permalink Reply by Bern on October 23, 2014 at 7:35pm

Hi Yvonne
Your words are so real. Thank you. This is a horrible life.

Permalink Reply by Vicki on October 26, 2014 at 10:17am

"...learning to live like an alien among humans.", how aptly written.

Permalink Reply by Connie K on November 5, 2014 at 1:10pm

Well said Yvonne. It will be 2 years for me on Dec. I also try to carry on with grace and meaning but wow it is a constant struggle to keep the faith and the mind focused on how to carry on with some semblance of normalcy. Prayers and love to all

Permalink Reply by Linda Wishart on November 5, 2014 at 1:01pm

Will I make it back ro some semblance of functionality and joy? (1st timer here sry so long)

• Posted by Linda Wishart on November 5, 2014 at 12:41pm
• View Blog

I physically feel as though a strong vacuum is sucking my lungs and heart out of my cheast from somewhere around my belly button; creating a struggle to breathe. I am experiencing Panic Attacks and fallig on the ground as i did when "the call" came from my 11 year old granddaughter!   That moment replays and my body responds apprpriate to the memory. 

I, emotionally feel alone, as I'm estranged from family. None of which attended my daughters funeral, not even my mother, her granddaughter's funeral! Really? My two living daughters did a wonderful job on the services. One, howehowever, will not even return my messages. The other constantly reminding me that 'not all people grieve the same '; I'mvery aware of this as a Mastered Degreed Mental Health Therapist. It is weird.  My quest is to find someone who lost a child and DID MAKE IT BACK to some semblance of functionality and joy again.   Of the now 22 days since my daughter left us, i have been completely alone in my home. I never left my mom home alone when my brother died, I really am the black sheep, for being the one who stepped outside our family dysfunctional mold. Its a lonly place and at this point wonder if i would be happier in general, even before my daughter's death, had I carried on living as the rest of the family, drink, drug, living on systems of care etc. At least i wouldnt bbe so alone. 

My daughter died 3 weeks ago and im already getting the "you should..." from people. My daughter's passing is by far the most devastating pain I have experienced. " Im sorry for your loss" comments make me want to scream. "Are you doing ok?  OR How are you doing; getting better i hope..." infuriate me to no end. NO IM NOT OK, I cant imagine a day that i could ever be ok!!!!

I am terrified that i wont make it back, and i dont expect 'back' to mean 'the same'  i only want to function again. I dont or cant or maybe Wont see how to become "OK" with my daughter's passing. The love of her life, 19 years of her short 33 years on earth is completely lost,. Her 11 year old daughter found her mother and tried "blowing air in mommy's cold purple face".  To make matters worse is that 12 years ago she and Joe had split and my daughtwr became pregnany. So on the day she finds her mothedead, her drug addicted biological father takes her from my home. She is now separated  from her brother. My daughter also had nlist a daughter at the age of 7; the 11 year old mentioned earlier, was napping with her sister when she died. My daughter Never came back from her loss. My mother lost my baby brother when he was 41, she never returned from his death, she lives but over seven years has slowly made her way to living in a seedy downtown apartment,  doing pills herself. My grandmother lost a daughter, she (as my child mind remembers) seemed ok, but as an adult I learned that my grandmother just "stopped" being an educator; she just stopped living fully.  I now know why she ws  always so quiet. And her mother, great grandma,  same thing. SO I AM TERRIFIED of what my future holds. 

Permalink Reply by Connie K on November 5, 2014 at 1:14pm

Dear linda

 I am so sorry for the incredible tragedies you and your family have endured. I feel so sad for your 11 year old granddaughter. I hope you can be a part of her life and that she is not left to be burdened with her father's addiction. What horror she has had to go through. First her sister then her mom! Just know that you are not alone and we are all hear to listen and give support whenever you need it.

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