Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lynne M. on May 11, 2012 at 4:05pm

Barbara, I completely understand what you are saying.  Our wedding anniversary is coming up in June (and his birthday is this month) and it would have been 42 years of marriage.  Just like with you and your husband, that is a LONG, long time to share your life with someone - and then to just have it end suddenly, it's a crazy difficult adjustment that follows.  I lost my husband in late March so it really hasn't been that long at all - but I am adjusting, slowly but surely, to the new reality of life on my own.  It is a harsh reality, for sure, but it's the hand we've been dealt.  Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss and that I know how difficult all these feelings are.  I just have to trust that it will get easier and that the adjustments will take place.  Wishing you all the best.  L.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Santoli on May 13, 2012 at 3:30pm

Lynne, Thank you so much for your thoughts. Please know I will be thinking about you as you go through this. Our situation is very similar my husbands birthday is next month so I also will face that. I wish I could tell you that the process will get easier since I have been going through this longer but it doesn't. It becomes more real and you understand that this is the way it is-like it or not. We are now in control of our own destiny even though this was not the way it was supposed to be. My best to you as you take this journey jus know others are on the same path and thinking about you and extending a hand to help you. Barbara

Permalink Reply by Lynne M. on May 13, 2012 at 8:24pm

Thanks for your reply, too, Barbara.  I'm not sure what I'll do on either his birthday or our anniversary.  I think I will probably make an occasion out of them both - go out with my daughter and grandson and "celebrate" both days - they are still days to celebrate, after all - the day he was born and the day we were married.  Today, the three of us went out for Mother's Day and it was the first real holiday since he died.  We went to one of "our" favorite restaurants, sat on the terrace in the sunshine and managed to have a pretty good time.  We all missed him so much and thought about how many times we had come to the same restaurant, on the same terrace, all last summer - but with him, of course.  We talked about those times, laughed a bit and told lots of "Papa" stories...which seems to be what we do these days.  It feels very honoring of him and of our time together but it can't help, at the same time, being bittersweet.  I'm sure you well know what I mean.  I keep feeling such a need to incorporate him and his memory into our daily lives and it seems to be coming fairly naturally, which I like.  I hope that it is the same for you.  So, wishing you all the best, as we both navigate this journey that neither one of us wanted to take.  Hope you've had a nice day, despite everything.  L.

Permalink Reply by Debra Waszut on June 3, 2012 at 7:04am

I lost my husband two weeks ago today and I was married 33 years.  Our anniversary and his birthday and my birthday are coming soon along with fathers day.  I am so scared to face this.  We so enjoyed these things together.  I am feeling exactly as you feel.  I am not able to take my wedding ring off. You are still his wife.  He is just in heaven.  Your anniversary is still your anniversary and it sounds like you had a good marriage so maybe you can find a way to celebrate it in your own way.  I am going to try because my husband was a fantastic man and I bless everyday we had together. Even though I am in the most intense pain of my life. I feel his love is with me. You are right the shock is over. I don't even know what to call this stage I am in.  I am going to church today. This is seeming to help.