thank you  for thinking of me, my doctor and I talked for a very long time about shawn and oh how I cryed. she said what im feeling is ok and my family should be here for me , but there not. we talked about this support group here and I told her  you are all more then friends you are my new family, how you all care and understand, how you are here for each other when we are hurting so bad. we talked about the holidays coming and how im hurting so much, my wish to know my son is with my mom and to hear hes happy , to hear him tell me  MOM IM HERE, I WONT LEAVE YOU, oh god I wish.  and yes more new pills to go get. she said the depression is getting worse. but she also said the hate I have for that heart dr was ok. I want so much to slap his face, to hurt him like he has hurt me. yes im full of hate but she understands.   thank you my family with out you  I just could not go on, I still want and pray each night to die, but you are here to hold me up, thank you  love and hugs   kim