each day I ask how do I go on without you,  why does my heart still beat, when its so dark and broken. and I get no answers, I know I never will. I ask you everyday what it is you want me to do,  if you want me to go on living, I cant, if you want me to be happy again, I cant, to smile, laugh again I cant.  I want to dream of you , hold you and see those big brown eyes again, I want to hear mom I love you, I miss you and I need you again. I want so much to run to you, please shawn help me, I need you so much to help me. I cry all the time, I think everyday how I can be with you.  I hate this darkness this loneliness. I hate how my friends and family are not here for me, im filled with hate, like never before. unbearable pain , always and forever  my love of my life my shawn my son.          mom