today is the first, its just another day filled with pain and darkness. my heart hurts so bad, its just like yesterday I remember every min of that day. its so cold and windy today I hope my shawn is warm. I hope he hears me everyday. I want so much to hold him,  why is this happening to us? why . I keep asking, all I want this year is to be with my son, I pray  to go.  to go on  each day is to hard, I use to be a strong person but not any more, every min of the day all I think about is dieing and wishing it could be now. please let me go with shawn please. theres nothing here any more, I feel nothing any more. love you always and forever    mom