today when I went to see my son shawn I broke down hard like I do everyday but today is was worse, since  the new year nothing has gone right, so I know it will be a shitty year. but I know since you went away im just not strong enough to handle any thing any more.i just cry at a drop of a hat, I feel empty more and more everyday. my life means nothing, I beg to be with you, I pray to get sick, I pray for you to grab my hand and take me with you. your dad says im full of hate and I know its true. I just hate living. I want to run and never stop, I want to scream and never stop. please shawn please help me, take me with you. im so dead inside, always and forever love you   mom