my eyes hurt so bad, if this is living I don't want it any more. I hurt all over and im so tired. my brother was here today, ask me if ill ever smile again, he misses it. I said no theres nothing to smile for. I can see the pain in his eyes when he looks at me, it takes everything I have not to cry. he took out beautiful flowers to shawn and my heart  just broke, I can see hes hiding the tears for me. its getting harder and harder to go on every day, I am trying but I just keep crying, I know ill never heal, my heart is so broken,  people look at me like ill break in to, some times I think I will. im tired of people telling me to go out, I don't want to go out, im to tired to go any where. I go see shawn every morning that's enough for me. it hurts like no pain I have ever felt before, I miss my shawn, I miss hearing mom,  I miss so bad hearing mom I love you, I miss laughing with him, god I miss everything, I keep saying he will come home , I have to believe that, hes here I know hes here.  the love of my life wont leave me my shawn