this morning my cousin came over for a visit. we sat on the veranda and talked for 2 hours about shawn. it was nice. I tried hard to hold back my tears , some slipped out. she understands my  unbearable pain, and knows why I just don't smile any more.  then I went to see my baby, I cryed so hard  telling him about my morning. how I miss and love him so very very much. I told him I need to feel him more, to please help me. I know hes here and I know he will help me through this.  I need him to come to my dreams to call me mom again, to hear that beautiful voice again.   my heart is so filled with pain it hurts everyday. 

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My mom died 4 months ago

My mom had pulmonary fibrosis. She was sick for a few years. It was funny how when my grandmother smoked, my mom would always say-I’m gonna die from second hand smoke. My mom never smoked. She died from lung disease. Ironic.I was fine at the funeral. Planning. Talking to everyone. I thought u handled it great. Now 4 months later, I’m a mess. Some days I’m perfectly fine, but others I can’t walk down the street without crying. I keep thinking that I haven’t talked to her in a while & I…See More
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My dad was the best human I’ve ever known.
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