today my older sister called and it was another big fight, now in a few days I have fought with both my sisters, they are telling me to stop crying get on with life. there upset that I have made no time to get to know there grandkids. I cant believe  its all about them, all I have ever wanted was for them to stop cutting me off when I talk about shawn. and everything blew up. I just cant  do this any more I cant. I have never been so tired, so hurt by my sisters. I just want so bad to go with shawn,  to be happy again. why are they hurting me , why cant they see its not about them right now, I needed them but now I want nothing to do with them its gone way to far now. I have no family now im done. I need to grieve , to cry. and more then anything I need to die, to go with my son, to feel his love. I cant do anymore I just cant. theres no room left for any more pain, I feel like a door mat ,  I never thought my sisters  had such a cold heart. dear god forgive me but I wish it had been there child not mine, I feel nothing for them, I have lost respect and love for them. I need to be with shawn, I need so bad to rest.  this  world has to much pain, I cant go on,  I cant keep trying.