god how I dread tomorrow, everyday is awful but the fifth of every month it hurts more, my shawn was born on april 5 , left me on nov 5. I feel my pain growing more each day. my tears never stop flowing, I keep telling myself its just a bad dream, but its not. its like im falling deeper into the dark hole reaching out for my shawn to come get me. I know I will never heal, ill never know what a day without pain will ever feel like again, my swollen eyes will never go down. when I hear other people say ( mom ) I die all over again, theres no life without shawn, theres no going on without him. no one comes around here anymore. im so very very tired, my heart crys for shawn so bad.