Dear Michael,

Are you watching me? Then you know that yesterday after I came out of church there was a message from Cheryle that she wanted to take me to lunch and out shopping. I returned her call and we agreed on 11am. I made some phone calls but didn't get far. Seems every step I take regarding the businesses I get pushed back double. You know how rough this week was, there is no money coming in, only money going out. I feel like I am drowning in all the legalities and paperwork.

Right on time Cheryle came to get me at 11am. We went to a diner and I managed to eat most of my salad - minus the roasted red peppers thank you. We chatted about her family issues, which was good because it reminds me that its not all about me. Everyone has something they are dealing with. She talked me into doing a small Christmas for the kids. I do need to try to make it somewhat festive.

She told me about a pair of leather boots that were half price that she was going to buy for her daughter. I liked them so much so I bought them for our Ani too.

We walked around the store and I spotted these gorgeous red suede heels. The prettiest rich shade of red. I picked them up and touched the soft material of the suede. So very pretty. Nothing that I would have ever bought for myself. Cheryle walked over and said, "Lee, you gotta get those shoes!" I said where would I wear them? No. They are too pretty. She then said, "Lee, you are still young, you are HOT, those shoes are you!"

Maybe I am young but I have aged 30 years. Hot? No I am not anything but a hot mess.

Oh but those shoes! You never got to see me all dressed up. We never had an occassion to put on the ritz. But if we did I would have bought those shoes - would have bought those shoes to seduce you. Those shoes were roll around in the sheets and howl at the moon shoes. How could I buy them now?

You know how the rest of the day went. Pretty much down hill. Went to bed sobbing - woke up sobbing. Praying all in between. Praying for a day where I can wear those rich red suede shoes.

I love you baby - Lee