It must be the holidays, because she expired just after Halloween, I still can't make myself mention the 'D' word as in someone's life ending. But every video , every song she and I listened to reminds me of her. I lose control of my emotions, involuntarily, when hearing certain songs as "One more night", "Last Kiss", "Because you loved me" , and "Wind beneath my wings".

No one can ever imagine the feeling of losing someone , even though they are laying right in front of you with their head on your lap and there's nothing you can do about it. I mean , I used to be a building maintenance tech who could repair 'anything' at any given time but I soon discovered this was something even I couldn't fix .

In her prime I promised her that I would believe in God, as she had always believed with all her heart. Through all of her pain, her alcoholic seizures at their worst, she always still held onto to her faith in God and so I promised her that I would do the same. But in reality, how can you believe in a God who would take away such a good-hearted person who lived to life helping others , even though she , herself, was in such great pain ? I once saw her go out of her way to cause a crying infant turn into a happy, giggly child and later walk away hurting and in tremendous pain herself. I have never, ever seen her hide her pain from me, nor anything else, nor do anything else but go through life helping others , even towards hurting her own health . I ever there was an actual angel in human form, she was definitely the only one I have ever been close to . I will always miss and love my wife so much, I can only expect the grief & pain for her absence to get worse through time. I have given up on ever getting close to another member of the opposite sex ever again, that was truly my last chance .