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Comment by Sandra Nichols on December 24, 2011 at 8:35pm

Nicole, I am just like you - wanting my alone time but fearing so much being alone forever. I am also an orphan.I don't think anyone can replace my mom. I am single without children but, i do have my sister and my dog. At this point I think that cherishing and building strong friendships is the best thing I can do about the aloneness. The one difference we have is that I'm liking to be alone right now. I am avoiding all Christmas and holiday stuff. Don't know if this will help you but, I am keeping busy during my alone times. Cleaning, taking care of my dog, going for walks, praying and talking to my mom... We are all in the same boat. Good luck Nicole! .. 

Comment by Nicole on December 22, 2011 at 2:56am

I also wonder when we will feel better?  I experience these ups and downs, some days I can laugh and smile and then some days I just want to cry all the time.  Apparently that is normal, I am not crazy.  I have a fear of being alone.  I always used to be very independent and liked my "me"-time and my own personal space, but since my mom died I hate being on my own.  Because that is when I really feel alone, and I feel I don't belong to anyone, I am now an orphan.  I wonder if I will always feel that way, or will my independence return?

Comment by Sandra Nichols on December 21, 2011 at 3:34pm

thanks so much for all of your comments to me. I have to kind of laugh because I am definately not putting on a happy face at work. People will have to take me as I am right now. I've gone from makeup to zero makeup  because it will wash off anyway. Sometimes I do cry at work but at least have a door on my cubicle and so sometimes people don't even notice even though my eyes are always red.  You are right, Anna, I think it is probably better to struggle to get out of the house even though it's almost impossible some days.  I have to work or I would be a street person so here I am. What scares me is that when I cry - I do not feel relieved. Will we ever feel better?

Comment by anna l. on December 21, 2011 at 10:51am

I too have not worked since my husband got sick.  But when my son died in 2010 I took a month off and then went back to work.  I worked with little children and could not have done it without my husband there for support.  He worked from home for the past 5  years  If I got into a place where the tears just wouldnt be stopped he could take over for me so I could go outside, take a shower, or something for those long minutes we all have.  If I worked around adults I wouldnt care if I cried or screamed or threw a temper fit in front of them, but you just cant do that around children a year old!  They do not need to take those life lessons away from their daycare experience.  I work as an at home daycare so now without my husband I would be working alone.  So I think I may be looking into a different job next year.  One that gets me out of the house.  For those who did have to return to work and are stuggling, I do understand.  I have done it and it is so so hard to have to get up, shower and put on a happy face when what we really want to do is crawl under the covers and never come out.  I do agree with Mandy and Nicole, cry as much as you need to.  Keeping the happy face on is not healthy, and wears you out even more. 

 

Comment by Nicole on December 21, 2011 at 12:32am

I cry at work almost every day.  Luckily my manager is very understanding and supportive.  If you need to cry, cry.  It is not healthy to keep all your emotions bottled up inside.

Take care x