It is Monday morning and I am at work in my cubicle. Crying and can't stop. Finally, my sister has started crying after about 8 months from losing mom. It made me start crying because she is the one person left on this earth that I love unconditionally. It is all so sad. This life is so depressing. WHy in the world are we here? To go through grief that makes us so depressed that we can't function?  Life is just so sad and depressing, I can't think of anything good about it. I am not sucidal…

This has been such a lonely weekend for me. My mom has been gone now 7 months. I"m so sad and the deep depression does not get any better. I try to stay busy but, that doesn't help for 24 hours a day. I"m crying right now and I still feel angry at the cancer institute for the chemotherapy on my mom. I think that doctors don't worry about elderlyl and just give them the treatments without thinking of how fragile they are. I honestly don't know at this point,  how this world can become a good…

I had a panic attack and couldn't sleep Sunday night. I should have taken something to sleep but, didn't know it would keep on. I"m so sad today that I can't cry. Sunday was hard. I laid in bed and slept.

As bad as this is, I still don't think I"m facing the reality of you being gone, mom. I so wish you could communicate with me. 

Love,

Sandra

Hi again mom,

I"m sitting here thinking about the weekend and torn between being glad I can be away from people and worried that I will have a panic attack while I stay in our house all alone.

I"m still praying that you are in a wonderful place, a place you deserve.

I"m still angry at the cancer doctors and think they should have made your treatments a lot less severe. Someday, I may forgive them, but right now I feel lots of anger.

I"m also angry at life in…

Hi mom,

I sat outside with the lovely flowers and the new hydrangea tree and thought of you mom and how much I love you. I know you would have enjoyed all of the new flowers and trees I've planted but I never seemed to have the time to plant them when you were here. I even laughed a little thinking of some of the fun times we had together... going shopping at WalMart or even going to your eye dr. and the weekend times of sitting on the porch.  The flowers i've planted are gorgeous and…

How do you know if you need to go to a grief support group or get a counselor? I don't know what is normal. I barely get to work and then come home and take care of my dog. Sometimes call my sister. I prefer being alone and don't answer the phone unless it is from someone that also has huge losses. - My mom passed November 17, 2011.

I am sitting here crying but, I have to go to work instead. I sometimes wonder if this happens to others and how they cope?