Our pastor talked yesterday about weathering storms and how God creates these storms just for us. Only we can get through them. Other people who have been through similiar curcumstances can help, but we have to figure out with the help of God, how to stay afloat. The problem is people don't want to see my grief. They want me to say that I am doing ok. Well, I'm not! I'm angry and sad and don't understand why my Dad died so suddenly. I dread the holidays and just want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head and grieve. Instead I put on my happy face and go throughout the day. But, I'm not really hiding it. It seeps out....lack of patience, yelling at the kids, doing things without really feeling! I can see the anger and sadness affecting my kids. I feel empty and just don't have much to give my family. Who do I lean on? None of my friends have lost a parent. They don't understand!
I reread this and wonder if this Is really me? Does God really thing I can get through this? Ever have those moments when you are doing something or going somewhere and all of the sudden you think, "How did I get here, am I sleep walking?". That has been me for the past couple of months! God must have said "ENOUGH" and snapped me awake. If God thinks I can get through this, then I pray that he shows me the path to healing and acceptance. I would like to add understanding, but does anyone ever understand the lose of a loved one?
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