I wish my words could be heard by him. I miss the love of my life. He will forever be with me in my heart in my  mind and in my memories.  I feel like I will never find that happiness.  Things were not always perfect.  But what I knew was that he loved me. Oh how I miss him. every day is a struggle just to get through it without him. When I am having a bad day I don't have him to turn to. Oh how I miss my baby.

Poem 1:

I can't believe I was the one to find you,

lifeless

cold

This is the day my heart broke

I wish I could have hugged you one last time

but your cold lifeless body

was to much

You did look peaceful

you looked like you were sleeping

but deep down my gut knew something different. 

Poem 2: 

Today was a hard day

I wish you were here

Today was a…

I never thought I believed in ghosts or spirits.  but now I am a believer.  I have had some things happen in my home that I believe to be my dear Christian telling me he is with me.  Has anyone experienced things that you believe to be from your loved one?

Here is what I experienced...  One night my daughter was  home alone and she was watching tv.  She said the channel changed to the cartoon Family Guy and she was not touching the remote control. She said mom wasn't "Family guy" a…

The love of my life has been gone from this earth almost 9 months ago.  I can't believe it. And to think that if I live to a ripe old age I will be without him many more years until we are reunited in the next lifetime/heaven. It sounds so unbearable. This is been like a crazy roller coaster ride.  Some days are more bearable than others.  But the past four days for some reason has been soooo hard.  I cry and cry and cry.  I have pretty much been home in bed.  I only go out if I really need…

Up all night...

Up all night thinking of you

Up all night shedding tears for you

Up all night missing you

Up all night wanting you

Up all night looking at photos of you

Up all night, remembering how you loved me in a special way

I need some sleep, because my head hurts

My eyes are puffy

My eyes are tired

The sun is about to rise.

But... I'm up all night.

My fiance/bf passed away April 27, 2012.  I miss him everyday and I think of him everyday.   I have been home sick with the flu and I remember how he use to care for me when I was under the weather.  No I am in our bed, sick and alone.  I keep crying.   I miss him so much. I wish I could have him back but the sad reality is he is never coming back to me and he will never make chicken noodle soup for me again.

A poem for him:

time has passed

and Yet I miss you as if…

Color Run... I wish Christian was here to enjoy with me.

I can't sleep...

knowing you will never return

I stay up late

I wake up late

I can't sleep...

I lay on your side of the bed

hoping to feel you

I can't sleep...

the tv stays on to distract my thoughts

but I can't watch our favorite shows

I can't sleep...

I miss our nighttime cuddle time

I miss you saying good night

I can't sleep...

Now that you're gone....

I can't believe you are gone from this earth. 

I am now here on this earth alone and longing for you,

for your touch, your arms wrapped around my body

for the special way you loved me.

Lonely, is what I feel now that you're gone.

Now that you're gone...

I come home to a lonely home

I come home to a cold empty bed.

If feels cold... now that your gone.

Now that your gone...

I will try and get…

On April 27th 2012 I lost my Boyfriend/Fiance of 7 years.  I found him dead on his boat.  I have never felt such pain in my life. I felt as if the ground was pulled from under me and as if my heart has been ripped out.  I never knew such pain and sorrow existed.  He was the one man that truly got me and with whom I could be my true self with.  He loved me so much and this made me feel so special.  Everyday is a struggle. One of the worst things is not being able to pick up the phone and call…