The love of my life has been gone from this earth almost 9 months ago.  I can't believe it. And to think that if I live to a ripe old age I will be without him many more years until we are reunited in the next lifetime/heaven. It sounds so unbearable. This is been like a crazy roller coaster ride.  Some days are more bearable than others.  But the past four days for some reason has been soooo hard.  I cry and cry and cry.  I have pretty much been home in bed.  I only go out if I really need to.  My life has a lot going on and I feel alone. He would know exactly what to say and do.  I have been out of work for about 13 months and I have been looking so hard for a job.  Financially it has been rough this past month. He was the bread winner. He was paid very well and money I did not worry about.  Well now I do.  I am trying to make rent.  I am back in school, and I have sent out so many resumes and no bites.  I do have an on-call job but it does not pay well but its in my field. so I took it.  But if Christian was hear I would not feel so alone. I miss him so much I can't take it.  but I know I can't give up because I have my daughter to take care of.  I miss my best friend.  URGH!