Here we are again, the dreaded day closer to the 1 yr mark...I swear it feels like yest..Wish I could find at least one letter I would be happy with even the envelope...Why didn't I write something that changed that night?  Did you hear my vm?  I want to start writing you again, I know I wont get an answer, but I might in a different way?  I am missing you more then usual and can you believe I still don't feel like I grieved..it just never came out just lingers and sneaks up on me when I…

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So here we are getting closer to the dreaded date...soon a yr.. I read a lot now, when I was younger I read all the time, then stopped..now I read again and with so much more clarity on how fragile life is..my sons grandpa passed and I hate to see him hurting and having to deal with loss at such a young gad..how I wish I could take away his spin..I remind him set least he knew his grandpa..I never knew my grandparents..I wish my sister would talk to me..I'm almost ready to give up on her. I… Continue

I wish I could talk to someone about this that really understood but instead I clean clean like crazy and work work real hard and discipline myself with what I eat and continue to lose weight 44 lbs so far and keep so busy i dont think or hurt only on nights like this when it finally catches up some comfort in knowing i really am not alone.. Continue

I contemplate contacting the killer I guess i want to convince myself he is not evil he made a mistake hes repentful I can forgive truly forgive him..can I? I try..He took my brother and 2 others wasnt there another way?? I want to yell at him, wasnt there another way???? Did you have to kill him, (Im screaming at him these words) Why Brian, did you go down that path why did you not heed my warnings in the letters why did you have to go so young, barely experiencing life..Just don't get it..

So tomorrow is 7 months that you've been gone and it still sucks:'( living with your traumatic death will always and forever be hard. I don't think it will ever "get easier" it will just be something i live with like a heavy burden in my heart that weighs me down. Its like an invisible scarlet letter. My pain is nothing compared to sissys n papis.. Another sucky day i hate the 22nd every month n every year for the rest of my life feeling so sad and down

Merry Christmas lil brother...yesterday at court he wouldn't show his face but he is going to be in jail for a long time unless someone
gets to him first. We miss you and know you will have justice..love ya Cynthia

6 months since you've been taken brother dear. I miss you very much but I know I will see you again and our other siblings are together today hopefully visiting you.. I will never understand "why"... I pray he pleads guilty on the 24th..

So I had to ask the seargent on my brothers case if the killer had remorse during their interviews..he didnt really want to tell me but did say he did not lose any sleep over the 3 murders he didnt even think he would get caught..Now that Ive seen his face i am struggling with not hating him..he looks like the devil...God forgive me..