When you were here, it seemed like we'd always be together. One doesn't really think about being apart of that person you love while having lunch one day or watching tv on the afternoon or calling to see what we need from the supermarket.

I grew up with you and became an adult, I do hope your life was happier because you had a daughter. I can tell you I was blessed to have you as a mom, I was lucky to get you, a beautiful woman with a lot of love to give. I wish I could talk to you…

Before Mom passed away I never really had a reason to think much about what happens after death or if there is a God. I was raised a catholic, but haven't been to church in years. I pray to God every day since Mom passed.

Now, the thing is that I'm not sure whether there's a God out there or not. Or if there is something more than life in this Earth. I do feel Mom, or have felt her a couple of times. But that could be me fooling myself. I can't be sure.

Even if there wasn't a…

The other day I was watching a movie and a character was talking about a woman who was separated from her husband, he said she was not doing well and that's what happens ''when you have only one thing in life and you lose it''.

That's how I feel. My Mom was my reason to live. She was the special person in my life. I do have some other family, like my godparents, who I know love me as their child, but it is simply not the same.

I have tried to go back to the life I had before…

Mom, I have been reading about life and death. I know that we are supposed to be much more that our bodies, that death means to leave the body and cross to that place, where we see our true selves and are able to understand things much more clearly than we could here on Earth.

 So, I know that you are there, somewhere. But I can't reach you. I can't feel you. I don't know if you hear me when I call you. I'm still in this world and I don't understand. At some point I'll join you, and…

Yesterday I dreamt that I was at a house and discovered cigarettes my Mom was hiding and I threw them away.

My Mom had COPD and shouldn't smoke but she never was able to quit. I did find myself discovering cigarettes around the house and throwing them. It's weird that I dream this now she's gone. Maybe it means that I feel I didn't really help her to quit smoking? I think she wanted, deep inside, to quit. But she never could. I never thought of taking her to one of those…

Since mom died I have felt that I'm just existing. I can relate to many posts I have read in here, that describe how people feel empty, like a shell of what they used to be, just going through the motions, etc.

 I don't really do anything meaningful these days. I go to work, I eat, sleep and breathe. I'm living because I have a body that's still working, but nothing else. Now I don't have anyone to take care of or anyone to take care of me.

It feels sometimes that I could…

Yesterday I dreamt about you Mom, you were in bed as in your last days here, but maybe you weren't sick you were just waking up. It wasn't our apartment, but a different one with a nice view. I said hello to you and you replied ''Hello Daughter''. Then I got nervous because I knew I hadn't seen you in so long so I told you I loved you. You told me you loved me too. I can't remember anything else. Getting up today wasn't so awful as it usually is.

 It's weird Mom, for the last day or…

When I came home from work yesterday, I got into an awful mood. I started crying and thinking that I don't want to go on and that I'd like to follow my mom and go away with her.

I couldn't stop these thoughts and it was torture. Now I think I haven't got to the point where I'm suicidal, I don't really want to die, so why do I get like that?

Has anyone gone through the same thing?

Mom wouldn't want me to feel like this. She was always a fighter and kept going no matter…

Mom, I never realized how much I counted on you to be happy. Ever since I was born, we were apart just a few times. I don't know another life apart from the one we shared.

 I'm not suicidal, or in deep depression, you don't have to worry. But these days the only barely meaningful thing I've done is going to work. Guess it helps me because otherwise I'd have to be all day at home. Seems like I live because I breathe and I eat and I sleep, that's what life means these days.

 Mom,…