help me please

im 17. i lost my twin brother 4 years ago. i loved him so much.

i feel like somebody pulled the ground out from underneath my feet.

i know theres so much to smile for, and i try to be the best person i can be, to stay positive and work hard and help others. 

but im sick to my stomach with this pain. sometimes i hold my breath so i dont feel as bad even if just for a moment. i feel like i could weep into oblivion, like if i started crying i might…