I wish I could talk to someone about this that really understood but instead I clean clean like crazy and work work real hard and discipline myself with what I eat and continue to lose weight 44 lbs so far and keep so busy i dont think or hurt only on nights like this when it finally catches up some comfort in knowing i really am not alone.. Continue

I contemplate contacting the killer I guess i want to convince myself he is not evil he made a mistake hes repentful I can forgive truly forgive him..can I? I try..He took my brother and 2 others wasnt there another way?? I want to yell at him, wasnt there another way???? Did you have to kill him, (Im screaming at him these words) Why Brian, did you go down that path why did you not heed my warnings in the letters why did you have to go so young, barely experiencing life..Just don't get it..