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- About Me:
- i lost a daughter in 95, she was 19 days old and my mother was there for me, and throughout the years she has been my best friend. I was taking care of my mom the last two years, she died suddenly last August 2012 soooo unexpected.
- About my Loss:
- im lost without my mother, and I dont want my other children to suffer because of my depression or inability to laugh or live
J l carver's Blog
too much time
this guilt over so much time passing is confusing me. why should I feel guilty that at 19 days old I wouldn't feel pain, and she would have turned 19 this year? I love,miss, think of her every day..She is as importantand loved as a baby born yesterday. too many are wanting me to forget and get over it. you never get over picking out a tiny casket.
Posted on November 20, 2014 at 6:49am
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Seriously, J L Carver, you are doing the best thing you can do to help yourself, talking. You have come to a wonderful group that cares about you and will listen anytime.
I have read the brochure When Someone You Love Dies and really appreciated how they point out how good it is to be able to talk. You can read it on line at this link: When Someone You Love Dies
Under "Releasing Grief—How?" it said, "Talking can be a helpful release. Following the death of all ten of his children, as well as some other personal tragedies, the ancient patriarch Job said: “My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life. I will give vent to [Hebrew, “loose”] my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!” (Job 1:2, 18, 19; 10:1) Job could no longer restrain his concern. He needed to let it loose; he had to “speak.” Similarly, the English dramatist Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.”
So talking about your feelings to “a true companion” who will listen patiently and sympathetically can bring a measure of relief. (Proverbs 17:17) Putting experiences and feelings into words often makes it easier to understand them and to deal with them. And if the listener is another bereaved person who has effectively dealt with his or her own loss, you may be able to glean some practical suggestions on how you can cope. When her child died, one mother explained why it helped to talk to another woman who had faced a similar loss: “To know that somebody else had gone through the same thing, had come out whole from it, and that she was still surviving and finding some sort of order in her life again was very strengthening to me.”
Maybe this is at little comfort? I care and will listen anytime.
Brenda