My Condolences to everyone.  I also am feeling very sad lately.  My mom passed in September 2012 and it feels like yesterday.

God bless all of us.

after almost 8 months i still get the urge to call or text my mom. I miss her soooo much. I finally got to the point that i could look at my moms ashes. I thought that I would be ok but as i sat there holding the box the tears started to flow. I wish i could hear her voice and see her smile. I take comfort that she is in a better place now and she is not suffering. My birthday is coming up and this will be the first one without her here. everyone has told me that the first year is always the hardest, if that is the case i wish that the first year was over already. I MISS YOU MOMMY.

We marked the 2nd year of my mom's death on Saturday at the cemetery. She died Feb. 23, 2011. The day of her funeral it poured down raining. It was also raining on Saturday. I still play back the hours, moments before she died like it was yesterday. I can vividly remember every word she spoke, every sound she made, and every emotion that I was feeling. I still cannot go into a hospital without crying. I hate the smell, the furniture, just hate everything about it!

I don't know when this gets better. My mom was my best friend in this world. She was the most important person in my life, and now she is gone. Forever. It's just so heartbreaking.  Every time I get upset or have a bad day, for other reasons, it makes me more upset knowing she is not here to run to.

I am grateful for my family and friends who have gotten me through these last few years. Without them I would truly be a lost soul in this world. I still ask myself every so often when this cruel joke is going to be over. It just does not seem real. I am not sure it ever will.

Thanks for this group. It is helping so much to know other people relate.

My beautiful mother.  I know I will be with her again, that's what keeps me going for now.

It feels that after mom died, this is another world, with no joy in it.

Melisa I feel the same way too, this is not the same world without my mom.  It is cold, and lonely, and grey.

Ann, from reading your posts, it sounds like we are both in the same frame of mind. My world is collapsing without my mother. I am an only child. i had some good days, but, lately, it has been so bad, i can't imagine living like this for the rest of my life.

Well, my brother, sister, and I are pretty close but I must admit I do harbor some resentment because I was mom's caretaker, while they went on living their lives for 5 months. I watched over her, paid her bills, took her to appointments, etc.  Because she had brain surgery it was important that someone always be with her and she had very strict guidelines for diet and activities. It was always me.

I staid by her side every minute she was in the hospital (for 2 weeks straight I only went home to shower and came right back). I even worked most days from the hospital. I would have done it anyway, but it's almost like they just assumed I was okay with it. They never offered to relieve me of my duties, never offered to help in anyway. And, even now with her gone, I am the one who manages the property, bills, and all other matters.

I know they are grieving too but sometimes I would appreciate a simple "thank you" or some kind of appreciation for everything I did and how I basically sheltered them from watching our mother deteriorate.

A lot of my grief has to do with the fact that I did not have time to grieve while she was sick or right after she died because I was so busy managing everything. My grief was delayed and now, in this second year after her death, it is hitting me so hard.

Marie-I feel similar except that I cared for my mom, visited her every other day, took her to store, to eat, helped with her finances, took her to appointments, etc., yet my sibling seldom visited mom, yet lived the same distance from her as me.  It was not until mom was sick and in the hospital dying that my sibling would step up and be there.  After mom passed it was as if we had both taken care of mom and done the same things for her.  Kind of made me mad.  I too did not have time to grieve because I had to take care of so much stuff.

Marie - I felt that way about some of my mom's siblings actually. She has 6 brothers and sisters and only one of them was truly there at every turn. I know they have their own lives but it would have been nice to have some support from them.

I feel like I can say anything in this group and it is really helping me a lot. I want to also vent about my boss at the time my mom got sick and passed away. I think my friends and family are sick of me bringing it up so I don't really have anyone to "vent" to about it anymore.  But, I still have a lot of hate and anger towards my now former boss and I don't know what to do about it.

1 month after my mom died, my boss got on the phone with me and literally told me that I had not been "stepping up to the plate" and was not "being a leader" in the past several months. She "expected more from me".

I could not believe I was hearing this! She knew I was taking care of my dying mother and even sent me cards and books and stuff when mom was sick but then right after she dies I get treated like this??

It is as if she was waiting until my mom died to basically tell me that I should have been more focused on work and not my life. Needless to say, I told her off and by the time we had our next monthly call I was resigning. But, I have not gotten over this.

I have thought about sending her a letter but will that help? I don't know. And, now 2 years later she probably has forgotten. I just wish I could get over this but it still bothers me and sits heavy on my heart. I just don't know how someone can be so cruel.

Jennifer, Yes I have issues with siblings, well 2 of them.  There are 5 kids.  2 want to sell my moms house when she hadn 'tbeen gone  a month. I went to her house, phone disconnected, tv disconnected. and he wants to turn off the electricity! There is no reason to sell  they do not need the money or at least I don't tjhink they do. 

It is just so frustrating.  We had told my mom that or brother who was 'in charge' of her stuff was going to screw the rest of us she said oh no he won't.  Well we are!  TO MANY greedy people.

I miss my mom.  I want her back.  It is bad enough to lose my mother but has to deal with a jerk of a brotherl.  I am not sure how much more I can take from him, before I lose it. I don't think this has to be this difficult!

2 more days she will be gone 2 months.  I sure do miss you mom!

Yesterday I woke up in the middle of the night and wasn't completely awake I think, and I could feel my mom's face in my hands. It was like when before she went to sleep, I went to her bed and held her face in my hands to tell her goodnight. Wish it was more than a dream.

Today is 2 months since my mom passed.  I feel like a part of me is missing...I ache inside.  Last night was the first time that I had a dream about my mom.  She wanted a little bible or prayer book to take with her (not sure where she was going). She said she wanted it in case something happened.  In my dream she was the mom I remember.

I have been to my mom's grave 3 times.  It is very difficult to think of her body in the ground.  Like someone said, I know that is where people go, but it is so hard for me to accept. 

I broke down at work and cried a little while ago and just now.  Today is a difficult day.  Some days are okay.  It just makes me so so so so sad that my brother is being so ugly.  My mom would be so so angry at him, she trusted him to do the right thing.   It just breaks my heart.  She should be resting in peace, but I don't feel that she can with as ugly as my brother is being.  Not sure that makes any sense. 

I am sorry mom for not being the best daughter.  I should have called more and visited you more than I did.  I am sorry.  I miss visiting and planning where we were going to go eat dinner.  I love that you would watch nascar, football or dirty jobs with me. I remember how much you laughed at one of the dirty job episode even though we had see it before.  You would 'stay up past your bedtime' to be with me.  I miss you!

My Condolences to everyone.

To Jaime, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Today marks 5 months since my mom passed away.  I cry all the time.  My mom was incredible and she is missed by many.  She was 81, so she had a full life with no regrets.  She was a "great" grandmother and great-grandmother and a wonderful mom and wife.  Her birthday is coming up on April 1st.  April Fool's Day.  I will try to play a trick for her. 

If Feb had a 29th day this year, it would have marked the 3rd month since my mom passed.  It hit me hard yesterday though, it was the day;Thursday that the 29th of Nov. fell on.  My therapist tells me I am heading into "complex bereavement".  I say....it's only been 3 months!  What is the deal?  Do I only get so many days, or months to grieve outwardly before it gets to be too much for people?  I have been seeing this therapist for a long time, for my PTSD and depression, so when she said that, I heard: "I am tired of hearing about it, let's get to work on what you are really here for."  Something inside of me just shut down..trust is big with me, and I just felt like the one person I have trusted through this whole process has shut me down.  Anger, sadness and just being over it is how I feel.  Mom would know what to say...and I can't talk to her and have her answer! :(

It has been 1 year and a little over a month since Mom left. Does the counting ever stop? I have a deep hole in my heart and I feel so empty..does it ever end? My therapist is pretty much the only person I have on my side, every one else wants me to move on and get over it..I can't do that, she is my mother!! I haven't had a lot of dreams about Mom but I've had some. Some of them were like a family reunion but some of them were disturbing, she was being murdered on several different occasions. I'm just lost without her!!!

It used to hurt every second of the day, but now it only hurts at night. The deep hole in my heart is still there and I don't think it will ever go away. I just feel that the moment Mom passed, I stopped breathing too!

Dear Helder,

My Condolences.

God Blesss

I feel as I am falling apart.  I am retreating more and more.  I always feared the call from a family member that something happened to mom.  Now that she is gone, I fear a call from a family member who is demanding something from my parents estate.  Me and my oldest sister are close, I am even afraid to call her because it seems my brother calls her and is very ugly to her. I feel bad for her being the brunt of all his meanness.  I am so ashamed of how my 'family' is acting.  It just brings me down.  I just don't understand why we all are not grieving the same.  My brother seems heartless from the things he is saying about my parents.  He has no respect for them, for their memory.  It just makes the hurt deeper. 

It's been a week or so since I came to this page. I hope everything is doing as well as can be expected. I simply cannot get over the fact that it has now been two years since my mom died. The more time passes the more I feel further from her and that makes me even much more upset. At least right after she died, I could say "last month we did this together", or last year we were at the beach, etc. I can't say those things now. Her physical being has drifted away. And, I miss her so much. I am sorry for those of you dealing with family drama. I guess we all have it to an extent. I wish my brother would do more to help with things like the house and other administrative things I am still dealing with. My sister is in college so I cannot expect her to do much. I want her to finish school.  It seems as though all of the responsibility has rested upon me. And, I just want to grieve. I don't want to have to deal with the mess.

They say God puts us through these type of things to make us stronger. I don't feel strong yet. I feel very weak. Maybe I'll get there one day.

On March 18th my mom will be gone two years.  It hasn't been any easier; I miss her every day.  I do, however, feel her presence with me all of the time.  I kiss her urn, I bring her flowers, I talk to her all the time.  I can't wait until be are together again.

I always knew I would lose my mom one day.  But I never knew it would be this difficult. 

I was with my mom earlier in the day when she was admited to ICU.  I didn't make her go to the hospital when I was with her.  I asked her if she wanted to go and she told me no.  She thanked me for coming to visit her and I told her that I loved her.  That was the last time she was able to speak to me.  I feel so guilty.  Part of me knows that she was to far gone for the doctors to be able to help her but I feel so guilty.  I knew it wouldn't be long before she left us, but I didn't know it would be so quick. 

How quickly our lives fall apart.  Will our lives ever be complete?  I know mine will never be whole again. 

I think of her when I drive to work, that should would have loved today because it was sunny.  Or if it rains, she would always want to know how much it rained.  Just the simple things make me miss her even more.  She missed my granddaughers and my son's birthday.  She would always call him on his birthday.  I know my son missed that.  I miss knowing that she will never be able to.  Easter is coming up, she loved Easter.  She would always buy a bunch of eggs and I would sometimes be up till midnight coloring eggs! I love doing that.  It was a tradition.  What am I going to do this year?  I am so sad just even thinking about it. 

It'll be 2 months next week. Nothing's the same. My life, or me, I'm not the same person I was when she was here. I just feel so far away from mom, from the life we shared together. I'd like to know where she is, if she is alright and if she hears me when I talk to her.

 Life was so different back then, I don't know how are we supposed to go on when someone so beautiful, such a big and important part of life is missing! I don't want to drift away from her through the next years, just like that. It's hard to take in the new reality, I don't like it at all.

It has been 5 months since I lost my mom and it gets harder every day.  I am an only child.  I have a wonderful husband and a 20 year old son who is away at college and a 17 year old daughter, yet I feel I am alone.  My dad passed away when I was 19 so it has been mom and I for the past 32 years.  I feel like no one understands what I am going through.  Right now I am putting off going to mom's house to clean out the dining room and kitchen.  We are listing her house for sale on Thursday and I am sick about it.  Every time I open the door I expect to see her walk toward it with her cane and a big smile.  I feel like I need to feel her presence there just one more time before other people start coming into it.  I have been just going through the motions of life the past 5 months, just want to get done what has to be done.  I miss mom sooo much and just do what I have to get through the day.  I hope I have the strength to get through the sale of her house.

I miss my Mom.  That is all I want to say right now.  I just want to say "I miss you, Mom."  I hope that wherever you are that you are at peace and safe and happy and that you will always be that way.  I also hope that I will see you again one day.  I love you.

Oh, and my Mom's birthday just passed, so "Happy Birthday Mom".

hello all, well yesterday was a hard day....I listened to my mom's memorial service on a tape, and it hit me hard....ive been  missing her a lot, I know I needed to do it to get it out, the grief, but it was so hard to hear....I was on there doing a eulogy for her, it was just so hard....I miss her so much, she just had a birthday, she would have been 83....I suffer with depression, but thinking of her keeps me strong.....I ove you mom and miss you more than I can say....I wish you were here :)

mercy if your there, send me a message....I miss you and we haven't talked....rach