thanks Ann, probably you and me understand what we are going through and we might understand why we do things, but some people don't and they start to tell you to get over it.  I feel like I am falling apart and that I can't do nothing about it.

Ann I was reading many comments and yours struck me as very close to what I'm going through. My mom was a single mother and we had other family, but we live in another country and we had only each other. She died unexpectedly this year at 70 years old. I have no friends or a significant other, only my godparents who I know love me but I can't really connect with them. Life seems like now like an empty and lonely road from now on and I don't know if I'm going to be able to take it.

I'm so sorry for your loss. There have been days where I feel like I'm just waiting to join my mother as well. But I know she wouldn't want that and I know your mother wouldn't want you to join her prematurely either.

I think sometimes when we lose a loved one we end up with an idealized version of them in our heads. I don't mean that your mother wasn't wonderful. I'm sure she was. I mean idealized in the sense that we stop thinking about them as a whole person. We just remember the good times. We forget about the times they yelled at us, embarrassed us, or disappointed us. I don't mean to say that that makes them bad people. It just makes them human. Ask yourself what your mother would really tell you if you told her that you didn't want to go on without her. It may be inspirational or it may even be something that makes you laugh. I think my mom would say something like, "Stop worrying about me. Get off your ass and start living your life again."

Sorry about my self-indulgent post. Writing it actually helped me a bit. I hope it helps you too. All the love in the world to you!