Thinking of you all and sending my hope that each of you finds some peace today.

Connie, I hope you will stay safe while away and that somehow your time with the family will not be so painful.

We had company Wed & Thurs so I have been able to spend today quietly with my own thoughts.  I can't celebrate on Christmas day anymore.  Have been keeping myself busy on the computer so not to be thinking so much about our son, but then I go and watch videos or look at pictures for awhile and then have to distract myself again.  I sometimes feel like I'm in a revolving door.

Sending hope and love to all.  Take care of yourselves.

Thinking of everyone tonight...missing my son more than words can say. The constant internal dialog is so tiring...I still cannot believe this is my life. Sending gentle thoughts to all, wishing for dreams of our children...

I haven't been on here in ages. Don't go to Compassionate Friends anymore, either. Just too difficult to think about death. I do think of you all a lot. Perhaps I'll be on here more...

Joy, my heart is with you.  Such a beautiful baby.

Joy, I grieve and pray that you find some solace, such a darling baby.

joy, im so very sorry, and im praying for you  

May you find some quiet inspiration in this story of a young man who passed, who continues to give. Hugs.

Sharon the first birthday after my son's passing we had a drum circle with family and friends to honor him. He was a drummer. It was so wonderful and we all felt his presence. WE have also gathered together to release balloons with our own messages attached. Follow your heart.

Joy I am so sorry to have to welcome you to this group. I am so sorry for your loss. Your baby girl is so sweet and beautiful.

I made it through my week long visit with family. It is so hard to walk back into the house.........

Hugs to every one and hope for some peace in this new year. Connie

Good luck with your reading Sharon. They have helped me tremendously.

I have seen a wonderful medium here in LA and I got the opportunity to have a reading with Teresa Caputo (the Long Island Medium). It's an amazing experience. Hugs.

Sharing this article I really liked. It's a bit long but right on

https://shar.es/1GKs0Z

Great article! Related to every bit of it. 

I never want to say things about how it never seems to get easier because in some ways I guess it does. But boy right now is not one of those times or ways. For some reason lately I keep hearing over and over in my head "I'm sorry. He didn't make it........" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - it just can't be.

Joy you won't belittle your daughter by having another child.  Nothing will ever take away the memories or the love you have for your daughter.  She will live forever in your heart. 

Connie, I'm with you.  the other night I couldn't sleep because that moment kept playing out in my head no matter how I tried to block it.

for me it just gets more numb... and the pain sneaks up like an black smack in the heart... black ice... I miss him with everything in me.. and as hard as I try to tell myself not to dwell on it I can't keep it from hitting me hard and fast whenever it 'wants' to ... I miss all the little reassurances I used to get... I still smell lilies all over the place but not so often... no more lights turning on by themselves.. sometimes a beautiful song strikes me and I think he is once again touching me in his way from heaven... but it seems like we are so far apart now... and I want him home or I want to go home .. but I still have my family here and I love them too... I thought I knew what it felt like to have your heart broken.. but I found out that never before did I really know what it feels like to have your heart crushed into the pain I feel whenever I think of my sweet boy... I am so sorry my darling that I didn't know.. I was so careless.... I didn't appreciate our time together like I should have..didn't cherish it enough..didn't know how precious and short our time would be... I am so sorry my darling boy... mama loves you so much...

Dolly,

You have always been so full of love for Brandon, please dont beat yourself up about being careless etc... we are only human. I empathise with everything you all say. Often I catch myself telling Micks about how soory I am when Iread some chat of some years ago when he would say, "hmmm so u r busy, don't have time for your son?"in response to a chat when I would have had teachers in the room and got busy and told him 'talk later' or something....i feel filled with remorse as to why did I ever say that, why did I then not get back immediately as I was away working and he was for a while at home with my parents.... I want that time back and I want to talk to him and say how stupid mummy was. I just want him back , I want that feeling of taking each otner for granted knowing that wwe will always be tied wiikth these bo ds of love....but thats not to be....

Ccconnie, read the article. It is very insightful and though every journey is unique noone other than tjose who have lost their precious children will undnerstand but I am ok witn that.Let no one understand but somehow neeeeeed my darling boy back . Teresa, so many 'momentsss ' replay themselves , I am so tired. The other day whileee watching TV I was making faces at my husband to show him i am sleepy when Iii realised that I am doing what Micks did sometimes... he qould look at me and shut one eye half and keeeep it fluttering lime that.... It was sure to make me hoot with laughter... I was doing juat that and whhhile my husband was imitating me he didnt know how much in pain I suddenly was...well well well....dont know what to do

ng 

sorry so many typos... I am on my tablet .... its more difficult

I lost my 17 year old daughter on 12/12/15.  She got into a vehicle with a guy who had been drinking, he lost control of the vehicle, that had 5 other people in it and only my child died.   I miss her so much.  Someday's I feel a bit better, but most of the days are like today, where I cried for most of the day.   I know it's too soon to expect to much more and when I do have a decent day, I feel guilty for feeling human.   I feel so lost without her.  She was my baby girl and she was like my twin in so many ways.  My husband and I both are going to Compassionate Friends which did seem to help on our first visit but since he is often on the road, who knows  if we will be able to do that together very often.   Anyway, this is my precious daughter.

Mona I am so sorry you are here joining us. Your daughter is beautiful.  We are here to support you in anyway we can. 

I know the feeling of feeling lost.  I feel lost without my Michael, he was my buddy, my little smurf.  

Yes, I haven't been on much. I just buried myself in work and physical work for the past months since August. We quit going to therapy and Compassionate Friends. We hardly talk about my son because it is so hard, 5 year and the pain is still here. Life is cruel.

Mona

 I am so sorry to welcome you here. My son died the same way a little over 3 years ago. He was a passenger with 3 boys and he was the only one killed (the others were barely injured). the driver made an arrogant, negligent move that cost my son his life. Your daughter is beautiful and I hope you can find some comfort here. Prayers to you.

Interesting web site from bereaved father Guy who lost his son Billy to an ATV accident.

http://www.oursonbilly.com/

Here I go again, I don't want February to come.  Valentine's Day is Michael's birthday.  He was the best gift I ever received.  He would be turning 33 this year.  So I sit and wonder what his life would have been like.

Miss you Mike! Love you Michael!