charlotte, thank you so much, your letter made me cry.  I do talk to shawn everyday, I go see him everyday to.   hes the love of my life always and forever.  please believe me I do try so hard  not to let him know how much im hurting but I just cant stop crying all the time.  I know he knows im in pain , he knows im so alone and have lost my family and friends,  he knows I only need him.  I wish with all my heart I was with him now.  this stupid holiday coming is killing me.  I pray dec will go fast get it over with.  everyone so happy, with there trees up and lights, oh god I wish I could  rip them down.  my dr says im very depressed, and suicidle. I just want to be with my son,  I can see his face, his tears, my heart just cant do this. I know my baby needs me as much as I need him, I just want to die my only wish,  why wont god let me be with my son? why  does he not hear me?  I want to hold my shawn now.  thank you my friends hugs to you all, I to am praying for you all. 

Here is some information to get you started. I found it very interesting and could possibly be helpful. Im going to do mine in California with a Sharman. Im just waiting on him to return from Costa Rico. https://www.aubreymarcus.com/ayahuasca-vs-iboga/