Odd you say that sharon. This has been an awful morning for me also. Last night larry was in my dreams but just sporadic and at the age of about 8, not his current age of 27. I woke up several times and tried to fall back to sleep to pull him back in so i could continue the dream but it didnt happen. Every night i speak with him to please come visit in my dreams so maybe he has settled into his new role and trying to make contact. I do not know how we can all learn how to live and cope with this type of suffering. It will never go away, our only hope is to learn how to manage the pain, it is our life and will always be our life but again finding a way to manage it. I understand the feelings of meeting with his girlfriend....it may be best to work on letting that part of your life go. Our lives are different now, we are not the same people, we will never be who we once were. I am trying to accept this and some people, with no fault of their own, will just not be part of my future. Maybe our circle will be tiny, maybe we will have to meet new people, maybe we need to find a new hobby...maybe, maybe?? We know our sweet bsbies would hate to see us suffering in such a way, but convincing ourselves in a totally different story. We are all bonded here, a place that nobody could ever understand, only if you have lost a child, no matter the age, no matter the cause. In 27 years i haven't gone more than 3 days at a time without hearing larrys voice, never 2 weeks without our meeting up to catch up on life. My dreams of him getting married, hsving kids, babysitting his children after i retire, the sound if little feet again...those were my hopes and dreams. I now have empty dreams but most of all, i have an empty heart. I find i am reaching out to reading more on how to understand this grief and mourning.. we have to get up, be gentle with ourselves and pray to God that this pain will subside one minute at a time. Keep talking to our babies and pray to them for the strength to get thru this. Much love...

Haven't posted too much lately. Sending you big Hugs!

I have missed two weeks of work and still feel awful. I Am stuck in this big dark lonely hole. Medication, counseling, nothing helps. My pain is much stronger than any of those. Hard watching the college kids moving into their dorms...walking around town, full of life and spirit. Larry would have been finishing up his degree in education. I just feel so sick every day, all day, it never goes away.