I'm glad I could help! Thing is you really don't move forward without them, you move forward with them only in a different way. Living life as best as I can each day is hard work, but knowing I carry Ben, and my sweet Lil Del with me in my heart makes life as I know it today possible! I know we would all love to have our children back, but there comes a time when you have to accept the fact that that's not gonna happen the way we want it too. But know this, no one can take them out of our heart, and nothing can stop the love!

Missing you Jesse today...

Today the woman who helped pull me from the darkness has passed away. I will miss her so much. I am so grateful to have had her in my life, and for all she did to help me save myself. Today I will weep as my heart has taken a big blow, but tomorrow I will pick myself up, and remember all she taught me. I love her very much, and I will carry her  in my heart. See you later my dear friend. I will never forget you.

I don't like my life without my son. It really hurts and has made me bitter and miserable.

I guess this is how life works. My heart is heavy, and the tears are falling, but I will cherish her memory by helping others the way she helped me. She loved me when no one else wanted me. She stuck by me when everyone else walked away. She was patient, kind, and she loved life. I will be a bit lost without her, but I will survive, because I know that's what she expects me to do.

anne, im so sorry for you having another loss. I have ben reading all the letters and I do understand yours. you have a beautiful heart.  I just don't agree. im glad you are seeing a light in all this pain, but I never will. I just want and pray to die, to hold him again, to just hold him in my heart and try to live again is not enough for me.  my life is done, with out shawn there nothing left. as for family and my husband, I just don't care, I need shawn more then I need anyone. I do not want to live with out, I cant. shawn is and will always be the only love of my life. ill never be happy again till im with him, and I do hope its soon,my pain and tears will never ease up.  there is no light for me.  I wish you all the best, in life and hugs to everyone.   kim

been reading but not talking... seems I'm frozen inside ... sad for your loss Anne... for all of your losses .. all of you here.... I just don't know if I will ever feel alive again... I feel like I'm stumbling through the days half conscious most of the time... STILL... I am not going to lie and say I'm better... I'm DIFFERENT... but better? I don't know if I will ever be able to say I'm BETTER again.... I have started reading the daily devotionals at a site I found... and there is a teaching there about grief that touched me so I thought I'd share it... it is Biblical, and I know not everyone shares the same beliefs, but it tells it with humility and sincerity ...

http://www.refreshinghope.org/w/p/index.php/teachings/on-grief/

Ann - I am so sorry for your loss. Lynn - thank you for your kind words about my cousin - it is just so sad. I will send you a message.

Dolly - I've been thinking of you and am glad to hear from you. Thanks for sharing your link. I find comfort in uplifting writings and scriptures from many great spiritual books and teachers. It seems to be the only thing that helps me make sense of things.

Kim have you reached out to anyone for counseling?  I know you feel you are in the abyss but you have to try to reach out to those who love you even if you feel so hopeless. Love is greatest healer of all and is what will save you from the despair (at least long enough to catch your breath) Please feel free to contact me anytime.

To all _ I wish you some peace and sending love your way

Thanks everyone. Sorry for yours too Connie. Dolly I'm glad your looking for ways to help yourself. Kim I really hope you don't mean it when you say you don't care about the rest of your family. I pray that that's just the grief talking. I have to look for light, even if it's just a glimmer, I'll take it. I did feel the same way you do, twice, but when I look into the eyes of the rest of my family I realized that their happiness is just as important as mine. As I travel this road I have learned that those I love that are still here are even more important than my own happiness. My husband has been in just as much pain as I have, and sharing the pain together is a process in its own, but I took vows, and I promised to love him through the good, and the bad. The more we share our pain the less the burden is for both of us. I'm sorry but leaving this world for my own benefit is not a memory I want to leave to those left here to deal with. There is help out there. There are therapists and counselors that are skilled and willing to help. We are all here willing to help. Try it before giving up. Take yourself out of the picture for just a moment and try to think about what Shawn would want you to do. All of us here have your back, and we are all willing to support you. Please take just a moment from your pain, and think about it. May moments of Peace find all of you today.

God's Lent Child

Anne, I am so sorry your friend has passed away. You must have been very close given the circumstances of your friendship. You were blessed to have her.

We are blessed to have you.

Thank you

I have not written here in a long time, but I read the wall every day.

I feel everything you say. The pain is overwhelming.

Today is my 21st month without my child. I miss her more each and every day.

I am also frozen and miserable.

This is a horrible and cruel act in life.

Danielle was my family, without her it's so empty.

I too pray for a short life.

I am still in a state of disbelief that something this awful could happen in life.

My heart goes out to all of you.

And my heart goes out to you Jane <3.

This weekend is especially hard. 17 years ago I lost a baby at 5 months in my pregnancy. Her name was Emily Rose. For many many years I grieved this loss and blamed myself for going into the ocean while pregnant and I got caught by a big wave that took me under. I seemed okay then but started feeling sick as the week went on. When I got home from vacation and went to my regular doc appt, the baby had died. I never had support from this (except from my husband) Most people just said "it was meant to be, something was wrong,etc etc etc." No big deal to them. I was devastated and guilt ridden. I never knew there was a support group for something like this until I went to Compassionate Friends after Daniel passed.  I had to wait over the Labor Day weekend to have the procedure to remove the baby (she was way too far along for a D&C) so I carried her lifeless body for at least 10 days. It was a nightmare. The next year I had another miscarriage at 3 months and never conceived again. I always regretted that Daniel didn't have siblings and probably over compensated for that. Why do all my children die?  That day when I found out the baby had died, i wrote this poem. I found it when going through some journals I had been keeping of Daniel's life. I have never shared it with anyone. I just feel the need to acknowledge this loss with you all if you don't mind.

    My only retreat

    Is in my sleep

    But I'll wake up tomorrow

    With gut wrenching sorrow

    My body is a tomb

RIP my sweet Emily Rose. And now I know that Daniel is with his siblings.

Connie, that was beautiful in its own way.  It describes our grief life, especially in the beginning years.  Thank you for sharing the poem and your story with us.  I'm sorry you are reliving those times.

I hope I haven't ignored anyone in private messages since I usually just read the posts without signing in.

I have not been responding on the wall.  I still go through those numb phases where it doesn't seem real and yet I know now that it is.  I almost feel like I'm in school again.  Only this school is the 'grief's life' school.  Just when I think I may have the course figured out something happens and I am given an F.  I work at it again and slowly move back up to maybe a B.  One thing I'm sure I have learned is that nothing is permanent in this school.  Not yet anyway.  I can't keep my grades up all the time, but I am keeping them for longer periods of time.

I read all your posts (I think) and my heart aches for each one of you.  Our newer moms and even Anne who has lived this for what seems like an eternity to me.  I am at 4 years as of last July and I can't look too far ahead.  It becomes overwhelming.  I find it best to stay in the day.  Today.  Focus on today and don't look ahead because it's too hard to imagine.  Hopefully, we can all do a day.  

May your God of peace and comfort wrap His arms around you.

Ammy, thank you for sharing...I am coming up on the second angelversary of my son's death...I cannot think past the day yet....time has become an elusive thing...sometimes everything seems like yesterday, but yet other things seem so far away...

Connie, thanks for sharing your poem for your little girl baby, Emily Rose...that is a very pretty name...

I just passed the angelversary of my infant son who passed at six weeks, Taylor was in August...it is odd because I cannot remember the exact date, I never wanted to know, just one more day to add to my "sad" calendar...I tried so hard to protect Jesse, and yet I failed again....

Ammy - nice to hear from you. I can so relate to your analogy of this "school' we are in. I feel so very much like what you describe. Sometimes, I feel like okay I am doing it, I am dealing okay with it, I am growing and moving. Then bam! I fail the pop quiz and lose it for days! Just find myself back in a pit of misery. Then, as someone else said the other day, we have to crawl out of that pit - and lay in the mud out of exhaustion. So once again , I am crawling out of the abyss and trying to study up for the next "test". I am so grateful that I have music in my life. It seems to make time go away and I always feel like it transcends the this world and the other. I do believe my son hears me sing to him and his dad play piano.

LR -  I understand your numbness also. So sorry for your infant's passing also. I understand the not wanting to know. It took me a long time to finally ask the sex of my baby because I just didn't know how to handle it or what to do or who to turn to so I kept it inside. But I had already picked out her name so I guess somewhere in my soul, I knew. And I also can't look too far ahead and I feel bad about that because I am having a hard time making any significant plans for what I am going to do workwise after my final surgery on my arm this November. A day at time is about all I can handle. As long as it's not too busy!!   I appreciate all of you here and don't know what I would do without your support. Love and peace to everyone.

ps Vasanthi - I am thinking of you and hope you have a safe trip this week.

So much to say and have been reading the posts. Dolly, I went through the link and at least we feel some peace and hope reading it. Again I am sure those who pass on are fine and it is for the ones here that we need to hold on firm to faith. I feel lost almost everyday without my son.The other day some friends came over and she said 'you must be excited going back home. i said yes its nice that I will meet my parents soon and my friends too. Then she said 'since you are newly married your cousins, aunts etc will invite you both for dinner etc. I wanted to remind her that I have had a huge tragedy and really am in no mood to sit and laugh and giggle like some newly wed. I realised that it would appear churlish and that I take offense nowadays very quickly as I am the one who is sore inside. I had to tell myself for others its like its almost 3 years so they feel 'now she is ok' Will I ever be ok? I don't know. I just know that my heart is aching, I miss ?Micks and his gentle ways and his humour and love.

What a lovely poem was put up here and it made me want to sit and weep my heart out. 

thank you Connie for your wishes. I will leave on Sunday night and reach on Monday night. My husband will follow later and leaving him alone too I feel bad as he didn't want me to go alone and then I kind of insisted as I needed time alone at home first. But its ok as he will be there after 20 days.

love u all xoxoxox

Kim how r U?

Christine ~ I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter. Here you will find that you can be yourself. Feel free to share your bad days the most as we have all been there. We here all know what it is like to have to "put on a face to others". But also know that those who truly care and love you will not expect that of you. Try to bear that in mind. You will find that eventually you will remember your daughter with more happy times than dwelling on the newness of the loss of her. Keeping you in my prayers ~ Ann

Rachael ~ you are not alone. We all have days, weeks, months where we seem to hit the lowest of lows. I spent an entire year doing anything so that I would not have to think about the loss of my son. I couldn't understand why God had taken him (he was my youngest). I felt that there were times too when God was not there for me and I would literally cry out asking where He was. That is when a friend gave me a copy of the "Footsteps in the Sand" along with a little pin that looked like footsteps. I wear this daily to remind me that when I feel that God is not there is when He is carrying me through the difficult times. The poem by Zell is beautiful as well.

Coming up on my sons second angelversary...I never thought that I would have to face the death of another one of my children again...

Ann E., your son was an honorable young man...I am sorry he lost his life in service to his country...

Oh Christine I know your pain only to well. I lost my only child my daughter Desiree' just 5 months ago and I too never got to say goodbye. My Desiree' was only 31. All words of comfort fail. I will keep you in my prayer's and sending you a very warm hug.

LR -

It's hard to believe it has been 2 years. It will 2 for me in December. I am sending you love and prayers  to get through.

Hugs to everyone here. Having a tough time going through my son's closet today.....

Hello Everyone... sending you all so much love,  understanding & hugs...  Here we are understood... here... we are not judged... here we can say it like it truly is... here we can take off the mask that we must wear to go out in this world... here we have each over...   here is where we understand what is like to wish to never wake up but, know we must for our loved ones.     I send you all a tight tight understanding HUGs -  I cry with each one of you & our Children that died too young...  LOVE & STRENGTH TO US ALL .............

This song says it all .... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXzRwqvrmDg

Karen, wow that song, it was so beautiful I sat here crying my eyes out. its like its just for us. wish I had it here. thank you so much   kim

The other night I reached out to my sister and the response I got from her was not what I was expecting.  Quote, "Hey Rachel,
I just thought of something. U do not even have a husband to lean on. So go get busy and find U a MAN. cute adorable strong and loving. That is ur assignment.  Go get. Go on now!!!!!"
I can't tell you how incredibly HURT I felt afterwards.
I sank more into a depression afterward.  I have just been crying and crying. Despite that I may feel God abandoned me. I know in my heart He's been here with me.  I have begun to start praying again.  I felt my faith was leaving me but I'm trying to find my faith in God.  Right now He is all I have left.  Please pray for me.  Please, friends keep me in your prayers.  I have never felt more alone, hurt, broken or so lonely then I do now.  I would give anything for a real true hug.  Thank you "Friends" or rather "My new Family".  Love to all, Rachel :(

Rachel, im so sorry your sister said that, my sister has been saying thing that have hurt me bad. she has made me cry a lot. I now tell her to back off.  I feel the same way you so, I find im feeling very alone to. I know my husband is here to help me but its not the same, I need my son so bad.  you do need to tell her to stop. no one seems to understand like we do in here. yes we are each others family, forever.  I stop believeing in god after he took my baby away.  I pray to shawn every night. please know im here for you always, we all cry together every day. our unbearable pain will never go away.  love and hugs to you hun.   kim

Dera Rachel I'm so sorry your sister hurt you, People simply cannot begin to fathom the pain and loss you experience when you lose a child. Nothing replaces them or takes away the pain. And it hurts when those we love are going on with their lives as if nothing happened and seem to expect us also. You should tell your sis that you are certainly not up to "finding a man" at this point and just need to have space and time to grieve in your own way. And that what you really need is the love and support of your family and friends. Everyone seems to want to be able to "fix" things and I do understand that. But I also understand that they cannot know our grief. Hold on to your faith. God is all we have and is always with us, waiting patiently. And it's okay to be mad at him/her and scream and let all of your feelings out. He knows how you feel anyway. Meditating individually and with others helps bring me back to some kind of balance. I wish I could give you a real hug also. Zell I like what you said  "grace enough to endure". So true - that is what we need. Love to all

https://www.facebook.com/help/contact/228813257197480

Chelle

I too had to remove my daughter's facebook page. The address above is how I removed it. However, I did have to send the request twice before they took it down and they were very slow in acting but eventually they did remove it.

Rachael,  I am sorry your sister made such inappropriate comments when you are just trying to cope with your devastating loss. We so expect and want our family to get what we are going through, but they don't. I guess they just want us to be like we were before, but I don't think we ever will be.  I too have been having a rough couple of weeks and its been a year since my daughter died.  I just need reassurance that she is safe and happy.  I just got an invitation to the University of Montana's annual college to farm local food festival which is now dedicated to my daughter Kyra. She started the program for them when she first went to Montana. There was an insert with her picture and a bio about her, and I can't stop crying. It is such an honor but the pain of her death becomes so intense again. I wish I could be there for the event, but it's to far from Vermont. I am hoping her sister can attend.  Last night I was reading in bed around 11:00 when the radio on my alarm clock blasted on. I have not touched it in months and when I tried turning it off it wouldn't shut off. I had to pull the plug out of the outlet to turn it off. I am sure it was Kyra assuring me she is okay. Much love and hugs to everyone on this site. We are here to support and comfort each other, like no one else can. Lynn 

Sometimes I will get a chat message from someone when I'm away from the computer. I leave this page up all the time so that it's easy to access. I apologize to all who have messaged me and it seemed as though I was ignoring them. The best way to reach me is by an email message on this site. Thanks and God bless everyone.

I'm not sure what I am experiencing.  I seem to have fallen silent.  I just don't know what else to say nor do I feel as though I have words of wisdom for anyone.

Sunday will be 2 years since my Michael left.  His dog passed away yesterday.  My ex- husband has been taking care of him and called me crying.  I know he feels like he is losing a part of Michael. I am telling myself he called his dog and he went. 

I have a cabinet full of Michael's stuff and for the past few days every time I go in the room where it is located I think I smell death.  It is so strong that I just can't go in that room right now.  I know it is in my head but the smell is so strong. 

My daughter is coming to spend a few days with me.  I can't wait until she gets here so she can distract me. 

HUGS and prayers to all.  I wish I had more to offer.

I've had a rough couple of day's. I just don't want to feel anymore.

Teresa I am happy your daughter is coming to spend a few days with you. I will say a prayer for Michael and you on Sunday. The anniversaries of our children's passing bring memories and such intense feelings. I too found out today I have to put my daughters cat to sleep, she has cancer. I am reading such a wonderful book called, Glimpses of Heaven" by Jane Backrack it was just released. It is giving me comfort. Sending hugs to you Linda and Michelle. I think the site is going through a quiet period. 

Teresa, I think what you are feeling can also be normal.  I know I get to where I can't say anything else either.  We seem to have said it all over and over and it remains.  

I was thinking of you earlier as we are in Margate.  First time since losing our son (4 yrs) that we have gone away.  It is kind of calming to be in a different atmosphere, plus we have our 2 youngest grandchildren with us to keep our minds distracted.

I hope you get relief with your daughter's visit.  Distractions are a blessing.

Linda and all, I am always thinking of you and praying for some calmness to be with you.  I know we will never be as we were, but we can have days where it's not consuming.  Deal with today.  Don't look to far ahead.  It will overwhelm you.

I embrace you all in my heart.

Teresa D. - I will be thinking of you on Sunday. I totally understand how you are feeling. I am feeling the same. It will be 2 years for me on Dec.1 Maybe now we are finally experiencing acceptance - which seems to leave you in a quiet void just not sure of what to do next. And I am so sorry about Michael's dog. I'm sure he was a comfort to your ex husband and you but yes I think you're right. He is with Michael now. Love and peace to all of you.

Dear Friends,

First, I just want to say “Thank You Sincerely” to all of you for your kind words and encouragement this past week.  Especially for your “PRAYERS”. 

Zell, please “Thank” your mother for me.  I can’t tell you how grateful I was.  That was so very kind of all of you.  I am a truly blessed to have each of you now in my path. 

This has been such a hard week to get through.  After my sister’s comment about trying to find a husband, it just put me in such a bad place and even more in a depressed state. 

Not to mention later that same day a friend asked me, if there was some kind of medicine I could take, to help me forget.  And though, I’m hoping she meant well.  I blew up and asked her to leave and not come back. (It just floors me, because she has kids.)

On another note and much to my disappointment, I went to my first grief support group meeting called “Compassionate Friends”.  I was somewhat upbeat about going.  I was looking forward to meeting other people like me.  And much to my disbelief I was the only one who showed up that night, other than the group leader.  I did share with her but I felt rushed and there was just too much silence between us.  I was so heartbroken and felt so let down.  I left feeling worse than before.  I felt as though it was an affirmation to me that I was in fact in this journey “ALONE” and for the long haul.    I cried all the way home and all that night.  I was so emotional at work as well.  But I can say that though I was alone, I did feel some sort of peace.  Though I wish I did have a “friend” someone to be there, not say a word.  Just hold my hand and cry with me.  So, I wouldn’t feel so alone. 

Thank you all for listening.  Please keep the prayers coming as I in turn will send my “PRAYER” back your way.  I send you all my love, support, complete understanding and so many tight, tight hugs. 

Thinking of you all a lot. Am in India now and it feels like a mother again. Thats the best I can describe this. I sit in my son's room andfeel as if he is with me. My parents walk in and we sit there and talk like we used to when Shreyas was there and I feel as if he is as usual listening and smiling and being there. Nights I kiss the pillow he slept on and he used to raise his head slightly for the goodnight kiss on his forehead. I talk to him and say ," so should I leave your bedroom door open or shut?" as sometimes he used to ask me to leave it open. My heart aches and aches for him. There is nothing in my control in any area and I am just kind of going with the motions of daily living. It will be 3 years this Dec and I cannot believe that I have walked the earth for 3 years without him.  It is not just painful but it leaves me stunned. 

Rachel, imagine being asked if there is some kind of medicine to 'forget'. I would have been fuming too. Such recent losses take so much time to process, get to terms with it, find some meaning in life to live it well. People who ask are ones who cannot comprehend and they don't because they have not had such a crippling blow. Well good, let no one have such blows. A friend here on the phone was going on and on about some elderly lady who lost her sons and she knew them and how she cried etc. I was trying to keep my patience and told her how I had tried to deal with it by surrendering to the Lord and she says oh well all are not like you, strong and facing facts.... I didn't know what to say as I felt she meant i hurt less and can just brush aside everything . In about 5 mins after that i just hung up.Connie, Teresa, Michelle, Dolly,  will be sending you messages as I am going through some tough decision making times and need your advice. Will do it in a couple of days. Love to all xoxox

Teresa D I too feel struck dumb these days as if nothing I think is worth passing on because nothing makes sense when our child dies and never WILL make sense and never WILL stop tearing apart our hearts... I dreamed about our little puppy last night... the one we found at the motel when we first went to meet our Brandon in preparation for his adoption.. so we adopted both Brandon and the pup from Baltimore... Angus was a tiny little pup and we loved him.. and later his daughter..  very much... someone purposely ran over Maggie May.. the daughter .. in front of our house and left her poor little body smashed on the road, and eventually Angus died of old age complications, but I do know how painful it is to lose one's pets and to lose your child's pets like you have is sort of like having the knife twisted once again I think.... Angus was very much attached to my husband, so not really Brandon's dog, but I will never forget that we found him at the motel when we went to meet Brandon for the very first time and feel like in some ways Angus was an 'angel' sent to guard us all.... I know some would say that's dumb but I don't CARE what some would say anymore.. that is one thing that has become very true since Brandon died... I DON'T CARE who thinks what if they are not supportive.... I just tune them out, ask God to bless them [before I bless them with a bat or something] and try to forget about their unkind words.. I do come in here often to read up and it hurts so much to see all the more recently broken hearts in here... so much pain... anyway, I do send you all hugs from the bottom of my heart but have stopped saying much because everything just seems to be silent and cold and lonely most of the time... and nobody needs to hear about MORE pain in here I guess... or at least I feel like I shouldn't keep heaping MY pain on everyone.... please don't think I'm criticizing anyone in anyway for unloading in here... heaven knows I've spilled my guts in here over and over.... just I can't seem to give anyone good news about how things are better now that its been 16 months... maybe someday...

VASANTHI I have been thinking of you constantly since you left for India... I wanted to call you and talk but at the last minute I chickened out.. I think I have developed a form of agoraphobia that even extends to talking on the phone.. I've always been pretty shy and reclusive, as you can probably tell by my little mountain house that's a mile back up a really bad old logging road and a mile back from the nearest GRAVEL road, and MILES from anywhere once you get OUT onto the gravel road.... but since Brandon died I have become almost totally unable to go out into the world... since I'm retired mostly... I still care for my other disabled son a few hours each day and am paid to do it by the state... so I don't HAVE to go anywhere... so I only go grocery shopping mostly and nowhere else.. even that makes me DIZZY.... so I'm sorry I didn't call... I am thinking and thinking about you VASANTHI and I have sensed something that has no name.... I also talk to my son all the time... I ask him how he likes his flowers... I have been keeping fresh flowers on his little corner stand that is still in the kitchen where he used to sit to be tube fed... I can't remove it... WON'T remove it... even tho some look at it a little sideways like I have a shrine or something.. well maybe in a way I do... not a worship shrine..  just a remembering place.... tho I remember him EVERYWHERE... I still can't even contemplate going back to the beach even though I have loved the beach all my life... well I hope to hear from you soon VASANTHI and I do hope this visit gives you some measure of peace... I have begun to feel deeply that our children are in a much better place then we are... a place where they are totally full of a joy we will NEVER feel here on earth... I guess in many ways my HOPE now rests in the possibility that one day I will go there too and be with all my loved ones who have gone there... so many.... well I love you Vasanthi... and Teresa D... and everyone here.... thank you all for being here for me....

Connie and Theresa, we are on almost the same timeline...October 10th will be the two year mark for me since my son, Jesse's passing.

I think Connie you said it very well, like there is some kind of void one is facing...

During these last two years I think in someway I believed Jesse was still coming home...my "head" acknowledged his passing but not my heart...

I am finding it harder to go to the grave site now...at first I went quite a bit...but the reality is sinking in too hard...

...seeing people I know in our small community and hearing their conversations of what their children are doing now...and I am reminded once again of all what is lost...

Someone posted not to think too far ahead...it probably is one of the few things that will be helpful to me...otherwise this all is just too overwhelming...

Someone mentioned the book from Jane Backrack...I could not find it...do you have an ISBN number? Thanks...

Wishing all a peaceful day...

Thanks Chelle, I will look for it there.

Dolly, I too have a spot in my home for my son Jesse. It is a small memorial space. My mom has done the same at her home. I also have a sister that passed in 2001. So my mom has this small area in her living room with their pictures and she lights candles there and has a daily prayer/mediation. I think whatever you find that helps you, keep doing it...

Vasanthi I just got home from singing with my choir at my first Maha Kirtan at the Vedante Center in Hollywood for Durrga Kali. I felt like I had visited a little part of India and thought of you. It was amazing with many choirs and audience all singing. I hope my sweet boy could hear it and feel it.

Dolly I think having a remembering place is so important. I have several. Every night since and every night until we die, we light a candle for Daniel by his pictures. I think we need something physical to be with in their physical absence. I am finally getting the teeshirt blanket made. I started emptying his drawers last week and got them all out and now have to get them ready to send off. Yes reality is definitely sinking in like you said LR.....

Brandon's picture made me smile. 

Thank you to everyone. 

I never thought I would depend on a group of strangers to help me threw one of the most darkest events in my life.

I appreciate everyone of you.

For those that have been in this room with me for the past 2 years.... THANK YOU!

For those who have entered in the past 2 years......I'm so sorry you had to join us.

My river of tears is quickly becoming an ocean.

Michael, Mommy loves you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!