Rachel - we have a unique situation in that we both lost our only child.  I remember periodically thinking to myself that if anything ever happened to Michael I would just die.  And then it happened.  I didn't die - I filled with sadness, grief and heart break.......but I didn't die.  What a miracle!  There were times when I wanted nothing more than to be with him, but I'm told there's more to do on this earth and when Michael is ready, he will send for me.  I've cried every day and it still seems so unbelievable to me.  Is he really gone?  Did this horrible thing really happen to my son?  I think I'll always ask those questions.  In 2012 I got my masters degree in Mental health counseling but have not taken the state licensing test yet; I guess I was just putting it off.  When this happened to me, I thought that if I was going to continue living I needed to do something with my life that made a difference.  I've been working for over 20 years with victims of domestic violence and just assumed that's the subject I would tap into as a clinician.  Not anymore.  I KNOW that my calling is to work with bereaved individuals; specifically parents who have lost a child.  I am so driven to get my license and move toward this goal because it is personal for me and it gives me purpose.  Michael is right behind me all the way - he's keeping me focused on my studies so that I can pass the state test. 

Rachel it's wonderful that you're reaching out for support; I too started seeing a therapist who happened to lose her only child at the age of 24.  I'm also going to be starting a support group specifically for bereaved parents of adult children.  I encourage you to take advantage of the help out there and know that I am with you all the way.  We have a long road ahead of us yet we can make it - one day, one hour, one minute at a time.  Lots and lots of hugs and peace.....for today

Hug to you too.  Yes it is important to be in touch with this site as you talk to people in similar situations. This is not available with friends as they do not really know.

Hi Rachel,

Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you some sense of peace in an otherwise heartbreaking situation.  I can tell you that it's been 5 months since I lost my precious Michael and it still seems so unbelievable to me.  With the holidays coming up I'm lost.  I used to love them so so much.....but now.  It's not the same nor will it ever be.  I've got to figure out another way to do them but for this year, I've decided to go away and pretend there is no Christmas.  How about you Rachel?  What do you plan on doing?  Whatever it is please be kind to yourself - peace and hugs to you always.

Gale