I lost my 14 year old brother last year due to a freak accident. I'm the second youngest of the family, after him. I was 15 when he died. Very close in age, thus we also had a very close relationship. I loved him very, very much and we did everything together. We had martial arts classes together, we went to sleep at the same time (if he didn't want to go yet, I waited), we played with barbies, cars, plush dolls etc... He made me feel like a kid. I was a kid when I was around him. I've been forced to become way mature over a year. I was SO different about 15 months ago. I cannot believe how much I've changed because of this. He was 14 for god's sake. Innocent, young. He didn't deserve to die.
Today I sit at work, trying not to think so much about my sister. But it's very hard. Who known or who thinks something like this could happen. I hear her voice everyday in my head, trying not to forget it and her big loud crazy laugh:) LOL. I don't know how to put into words how close we were. We are the only family we have. I think now what am I going to do now. I blame myself sometimes, thinking if I called her that night she could still be here. we talked everyday. Asking myself why she didn't fight harder to stay with me. She knew were all we had, was eachother, now what. I just want to hold her and tell her I love her more than anything in the world and she is the best sister I could ever have. Hoping she knows how much I adored her from birth. I prayed for a sister for a long time, at first all i had was brothers. Than she finally came. Best day of my life. Sometimes i feel like I am drowning and I think to myself honsetly if I didn't have my kids I would leave this earth and be with her. But I have my kids to think about and have to stay for.This week on sunday 02/19/12 at 8:30pm she will have been gone for 1mth. 1mth since I heard her voice and it just means more and more time will past with out her. I think is still possible, could this be really true. I't can't she will call and tell it was the worst joke she could ever play on me. But nothing happens. I can't put into words how much i miss her, need her or love her. Jackie is my baby, not only is she my sister, she is like my baby. I raised her when our mother left her. So I lost my baby and sister. My stomach is in knots. Jackie I want you to come back. But you haven't, the phone hasn't rung and you are on the other end. Love you always and forever.
I dont know what Im going to do without my big sister, and only sister.I feel like Im in a nightmare and im not waking up.how do we go on?Its been a little over a month and feels like an eternity.I cant stop thinking about her.If i didnt have my husband and kids I dont know what Id do.Lori I love you so much and Im sorry We werent talking and i didnt get to say goodbye and tell you how much I love you.Thats why I wasnt talking with you I couldnt enable you anymore like everyone else and pretend everything was ok I knew it wasnt.Why Why did u have to take all those pills ? You had cheated death 3 times in the last 2 yrs.I love you so much and wish I could of done something to make everything better for you. I cant stop thinking about you I dont know how Im gonna go on knowing Ill never see or hear you again.A piece of my heart has died and inside I know Ill never be the same.Ill never hear you call me boggen which no one understood lol...Im sitting here christian is sick again yes again ad its raining looks like howI feel outside.Christmas is just a few weeks away and Im just not in the mood This is usually my favorite time of the year and its just not the same.I took out my ornaments u painted for us a couple years ago its almost like you knew this was going to happen.Everywhere I look in my house there are reminders of you.Pictures, things you made for me or gave me......I pray god gives me the strength to get on with my life because right now i just dont know how.Knowing Ill never see you or hear you again. I love you my big sister, youll always be in my heart.
Mark Edward ST.Germain II was my only sibling and i adored him he was 5 years older and i thought he hung the moon when i was little ,he loved wrestling and we would have fun guess who win the match and bet i get to beat the loser and he one time won so many times my ass was dark purple and he got in trouble with my parents ..he was a good big brother our grandmother passed one years ago and mark was there hugging me when i need then and when life got crazy for me he steped up and made my son feel like he was his son and did special stuff with him so he felt special my son misses him so much . i never realized how much mark was doing for robie and I have ot say thanks big brother for taking care of my little boy when i was off taking care of my bad habits ..i miss you everyday .ild give anything to have one hour with you again to hear your voice would be wonderful...i love you wish i got to have a big brother long then 35 years...
Siblings that pass away have special meaning to us. They are often close in age to us and their death may bring to mind our own mortality. Life is no longer taken for granted. Someone from our generation has passed away. If the death is unexpected, there may be loose ends in the relationship that have not been dealt with. It is common that a death of a sibling brings upon a search for meaning. We may ask ourselves if we are accomplishing the goals that we have set for ourselves.
Kyra I am so sorry for your loss. Im glad you found this site. It has helped me more than I can tell you, to be able to come here where there are others who Understand. My big brother, the rock of our family, died just over a month ago. Every loss hits me in a different way. Losing my brother has again knocked my world off its axis and I struggle every day to cope with a world without him in it. I can tell you from experience that this raw heart breaking pain does ease over time but you are right, your world is changed forever. In time you will learn how to navigate your new reality. Be gentle with yourself.
omg Kyra I am so sorry for your loss.I feel like I could have written that post.You see I lost my big sister and only sister suddenly to an accidental overdose in November and feel the same exact way.My world as I knew it will never be the same I feel like im in the ocean but cant come up for air.She was always there for me and she made me laugh im so serious she would always say.If u want to talk feel free to msg me because I totally understand your pain.Just know that there are others going thru the same exact thing.For me I always feel like im the ony one going through this horrible pain just know your not alone.Im so sorry again Im here if you want to talk.I was looking at the part when you got the news I did the same exact thing fell to the floor and screamed and cryed so much that I got a polyp on my vocal cord.
New to this group & site. I needed to be where people understand me. In 14 months I lost 3 of my siblings. I have many siblings but they were the 3 I grew up with. Now, I no longer have that special bond with any others. My heart is so broken & most seem to think after the fist passed away it should hurt less with the other 2 passing or I should be over it in a couple of days. It just don't work that way. I never know what each day is going to bring when I wake up. Am I going to be able to function> Am I better off going back to bed for the day? Is my anger going to get away from me and when am I ever going to feel normal around others. Lets not forget the fear of others passing away on me now.
Kimber: My therapist says that multiple losses cause grief to multiply exponentially (sp?) not decrease. Don't allow others to dictate your process, and grieving is an on-going process. This site and other online grief support groups (i.e. connect.legacy.com) are good and safe places to vent. I also recommend professional grief counseling, especially if you're feeling out-of-control. The impact of losing 3 siblins in such a short time is obviously devastating to you as it would be to anyone. My younger brother's 4th Angel Day will be Mar 9. Eight weeks later (May 7) will be my daddy's 4th Angel day. So, I kind of understand multiple losses in a brief time span. My other advice would be to treat yourself kindly. This is a difficult path. Istill struggle with the reality of a "new normal". I think your feelings are appropriate. Take good care.
I lost my little sister. Andraya was a beautiful gift from god. We adopted her into our family whenshe was only 3 days old, and at the age of 8, it was like I got my very own living doll. Growing up, because of our age difference, we did not always see eye to eye (literally and figuratively) but I loved her with every fiber of my body because she was such a specail and unique girl. She had a rough go through her teenage years, but for the last few years, she was coming into her own, building houses with my father. When she was 16, she met a boy. He was a few years older than herself, but when we saw them together for the first time, my parents and I knew that she was done, that she had found the one that she was going to be with for the rest of her life. She was becoming a beautful and compassionate young woman and we were starting to get to know one another more. The best day of my life was on August 3, 2013 when I was my sister's maid of honour at her wedding to her long term beau. Then...a short 19 days later, my little sister was killed in a head on collision. She was only 21 years old. The other driver was 17 and was texting and driving. She got away with it with no reprocussions. Meanwhile, I have lost my gift from god, and I am so incredibly sad. I am trying to come to terms with the foreverness of the situation....that I will never see her smile in person again, and I will never hear her laugh, and I will never feel her arm around me again as I did on her wedding day when she hugged me for the photos. My heart is broken and although I have been having a lot of good days, today I feel broken and unable to cope. I am sitting at work fighting back the tears and wondering why....why her? Why did god have to take back his gift so soon? Why was she not able to live a long and happy life? I know I will never get the answers to my questions, and even if I did, it would not bring her back. I just feel so broken today.
I've lost quite a few people in the last few years. This includes 3 brothers and a brother-in-law that was just like a brother to me. Each died unexpectedly, young and differently. Before our hearts and minds had a chance to register one's passing, we lost another. I can tell you that the pain is still raw and never seems to lessen. We are a very close family and yet each death seems to pull some of us away from the others. I am so mad at God. I cannot accept that my parents had to bury 2 children. My mother passed ten months after two of my brother's. our only solace is that she wasn't around to bury the others. One brother was 28 and killed in his police uniform walking into a deli during a robbery. Another from a seizure which he had never had before and they cannot explain why he had this one. Another from a heart attack and then my in-law from the flu! I cry everyday. It doesn't seem to get easier. I've looked into grief counseling but don't feel I am strong enough to do that at the moment and that is why I looked for this site. Felt like there are people out there just like me and that I wouldn't feel alone. I can always turn to my family but their pain is just as severe and it hasn't really helped. I get angry at one sister because she's so strong and I don't want to because she might hide her suffering to help the rest of us. I just don't know for sure but I know she's that type. Another sister cries when she's alone. Tries not to show it to me. All are worried that I might do so something stupid. Truth is, And they don't believe me, I would love to be with the family I have lost but the ones that are still here are the ones that keep me strong as do my children. I'm not looking for answers from anyone because I don't think anyone has them. I'm just looking to grieve with those that understand. Reading the posts, I know that you all do.
I am totally lost due to the loss of my younger sister, I don't normally say anything or comment but I read and grieve with everyone here. We lost our mother when I was 18, we lost our father when I was 30....it has been just me and my 2 sisters for the last 23 years and we were all very close. My younger sister was diagnosed with advanced stage ovarian cancer in 2000....14 1/2 years of surgeries, 17 different chemo treatments, setback after setback, tubes,bags, oxygen, tpn pack she had to carry for sustenance. ......but my sister never lost her will or her incredible strength, she was undoubtedly the strongest person I have ever seen or heard of in my life...not only did she never once complain or feel sorry for herself, she was always there for all of us. ...always willing to help in whatever way she could and no matter how horrible she felt she always supported my kids and grandkids in their activities....her favorite phrase was "it is what it is"....about 4 yrs ago she met up with someone from way back and they hit it off, or so we thought. ..my sister and this guy were married 7/13 and we all thought they were happy.....until my sister got worse a day couldn't care for herself any more....He I guess has always been a drunk and began drinking even more heavily to "cope" with what my sister was going through...When the cancer spread everywhere, including her brain she went down hill quick....I was with her everyday and saw how he treated her....it broke my heart when she said "I didn't know, I've never been around a drunk before"....He screamed at her, humiliated her for not being able to pay bills or order her own medical supplies. ...and refused to listen to me....my sweet sister couldn't help what she was going through...all he kept talking about was his 1st wife and didn't like when I said this was not about her it's about my sister.....As sister got weaker and weaker and wasn't able to get around he would laugh at her when she fell.... (I just found this out) while he was drunk standing by her bed he told me (and this haunts me) "I thought I was going to lose her right after we were married, if I knew she was going to last this long I never would have married her....but I wanted to fulfill her dream of being married" but what makes it worse is no one believes me, no one will help me through this, I not only have to deal with the loss of my sweet little sister but the torture (both physically and mentally) I witnessed....Most just don't want to hear, or they say he didn't mean it, it was the booze...Some have said there had to be some truth in what he said and the booze brought it out.....how can I get over the anger so I can actually grieve the loss of her....
My sister died 3 weeks ago. I can't even believe I'm writing those words. How on earth does anyone move on from grief this intense? She was 22 years old and my world. I think I'm still in shock/denial. I cry for hours at a time and am numb for hours at a time. Waking up every morning is horrific. If anyone has any words of comfort please share them with me. x
In September of 2014 we lost my only baby brother to dusting:( he was 29 a father of 2 sweet girls ages 6 and 4. He hid it so well none of the family knew about it until 1 week before he passed. We tried to get him help but on the night of his first apt. He never made it, because he dissapeared. We hunted and searched days for him and finally after being missing for 3 days they found him in his van with 25-30 cans of dust off empty and he had suffered a massive heart attack:( I thought after the funeral I would have some closure, but no. It's all still so surreal and he's been gone for 5 months now. We don't have all the answers and I'm so sad! It's affecting my marriage, my husband doesn't understand how I feel. This is so tough and I just am curious how does one cope with this? I will never accept it. I feel stupid too cause I didn't even know dust off was a drug:(
Everyone keeps telling me it gets better. I lost my little brother to a car accident Feb. 04, 2014. His accident was Feb. 2, and he was the only one in the car that didn't survive. I am lost without him, and I don't know what to do. It hurts so much that I sit in my room and cry all the time. I am lost, and I know I am.
Hi Tiffany. I'm really sorry to hear about your brother. My sister was killed by a carbon monoxide leak in her flat. Her flatmate was found unconscious but survived and made a full recovery. I find it difficult to deal with the fact that my sister was the unlucky one who perished. Why couldn't she have been the lucky one? Or even better, why couldn't they both have survived? One family was overjoyed to have their daughter alive and recovering, and the other family (mine) was destroyed x
Gabrielle, yes it's hard. Everyone else in the car with Andrew came out with Concussions or a couple of broken bones. What upsets me the most is that he didn't have his seat belt on which is unlikely for him, he never went without one on. But we still don't know what exactly happened and how he got the worse of it. I am just upset at the driver mostly because everyone knows if there is ice on the road and a deer jumps in front of you, you don't try to miss it, you hit it, even if it messes up the car but at least everyone including my brother would have been ok. I am still dealing, and still trying to forgive the driver and my brother for not having a seatbelt on. And it's ok about my name, most people spell it wrong.
Yes I can see why you're angry, especially because just the simple action of putting on a seatbelt (like he always did) may have saved his life. I guess possibly the driver swerving was an immediate reaction and unfortunately he probably had no time to think about what he was doing, otherwise I'm sure he would have done whatever had the best chances for everyone in the car. Of course I'm just speculating and have no idea about the details of the accident- how fast the driver was going etc. Does he feel remorse for what happened? Has he spoken to you personally about it? Was he close to your brother?
The circumstances around my sisters' death means that I've also experienced a lot of anger. It was through negligence and careless mistakes that she died. She was the only innocent party in the whole sorry mess. No matter how angry I get the outcome is always the same: she's dead, she's not coming back. No matter how many times I run over the 'What ifs' and 'Whys', I can't change a bloody thing. I understand your heartache xx
His family sent flowers to the funeral but they didnt show up. The only one in the car that night that showed up was the girl that was in the back with him, but she didnt stay long, she didnt want to talk to us. But none of thr other kids came. I am doing a little bettet with being angry, i dont like talking about the driver much, in a way i blame him but at the same time i know it really wasnt his fault. And yea i am sure it was a reaction to surve. I also got upset after the girl told us she went and knocked on doors to get someone to help and no one answered their doors. But we did find out that a nurse who was off duty amd a firefighter who was also off duty stopped and called it in, and the nurse posted on the funeral home site said she stayed with andrew till the ems got there, and she done cpr on him twice before they got there, and we where thankful for that. It's hard and i am still trying to take it one day at a time.
It's very hard to find a discussion group for siblings that is very active. If you have lost a spouse or parent you are always in luck, those are always active. You are right that losing a sibling is worse than people think it is. Your sibling is with you your entire life, just like your parents, but for most you are closer to your siblings.
I lost my older sister and I think I'm losing my mind on a daily basis. Everyone things I'm "doing better" because it's been some months, but I'm getting worse. Basically, everyone else has moved on or don't want to bring it up. We were together all the time and basically did everything together. She was my main social hub, the one I hung out with, so without her I have no outlet. I have nothing. I'm seeing a counselor and she wants me to go to meet up and such. I have looked into it and even joined some but overall it's just depressing. I want what I can never have again. The comfort and ease of being with someone that gets me and knows me. She knew what I liked and always looked out for me. It was fun to have someone care like that.
I know people and I would talk about certain favorite things all the time, yet they would be clueless if I said something like "oh why didn't you get that for me. You know that's my favorite?" They go "It is? I didn't know" and it would be something that I bring up multiple times a day. She knew and remembered and if she saw something like that it would job her memory that it was my favorite. I will never have anyone that will think about me like that again. I would do the same for her, and now I have no one to do that for. Actually, I would do it for other people, but don't give a shit now. No one would think of me like that, so I don't care about anyone else. I'm just miserable. I'm tired of having no one to talk to, no one to make plans with. I only really have my Ma, but she is old and she's my Ma. I don't even want to hang out with her like that. She don't want to do what I want to do. Life is just miserable now.
Hoolow Heart, I lost my sister and truly my best friend one year ago. The entire year is a blur of pain. I was doing a little better until the anniversary, then not so good again. I have a friend who lost a brother 20 years ago and she told me it takes a year or two. So I guess it will take me two. I know what you mean when say no one will ever know you like your sister.she and I both had degrees of n biology, no one else understands the look that passed between is when one Christmas we watched a flock of roseate spoonbills take flight, or warched a cloud of moths in the moonlight. That's just an example. We had so much more in common. After she passed I was so angry, and angry at other family members for reaons I won't get into. But, what I found most helpful over the last year and a half is going to the gum. It's the only thing that has consistently helped me. The booze and drugs are temporary and often made me feel worse. At the gym I am in my own little world, there are people but they keep a respectful distance and do their own thing. I take out my anger and frustration on the weights. It's just an hour a day. I'm stronger, and I know she would want me to be. Things will never be the same, but we have to try and make a new life without them. Good luck.
Patricia, thank you. It's truly a new miserable world without her. All I can think about everyday is the unfairness of it. I'm still in shock and can't truly believe she is gone, but to some people I don't say that. I've been on a couple of forums and said that and they just want to analyze that and make me feel like something is wrong with me because I'm in denial. Whatever. I"m fucking miserable on a daily basis. I talked to her more than anyone in her life or my life. We talked EVERY SINGLE DAY. I don't think anyone realizes just how horrible this is for me. It is absolutely unbearable and this feeling will never go away. In 10 years I know I will feel the same way because I have nothing else going on in my life.
But it's good to talk to others mourning siblings because I don't think people think that's as much as a tragedy as losing a spouse or parent or child. Our pain is always overlooked.
My brother, sister, and dog died in a murder-suicide a year ago when I was 19. I'm 21 now and it feels like some things just get worse with time. I never get to see my brother go to college or my sister go to prom. There's just this deafening silence of them not being there. I am lonely a lot without my siblings. It's so exhausting to deal with this everyday. Nobody I know is going through something like this, something that literally is so traumatic and rips your whole life apart. My parents aren't really in my life very much. I just don't know if I'll ever feel okay again. It seems that as much as I try to get better and fill my life with people I still end up empty and feel alone in the end.
Ada Bowie
I lost my 14 year old brother last year due to a freak accident. I'm the second youngest of the family, after him. I was 15 when he died. Very close in age, thus we also had a very close relationship. I loved him very, very much and we did everything together. We had martial arts classes together, we went to sleep at the same time (if he didn't want to go yet, I waited), we played with barbies, cars, plush dolls etc... He made me feel like a kid. I was a kid when I was around him. I've been forced to become way mature over a year. I was SO different about 15 months ago. I cannot believe how much I've changed because of this. He was 14 for god's sake. Innocent, young. He didn't deserve to die.
Apr 7, 2011
Mimi Giovanni
Today I sit at work, trying not to think so much about my sister. But it's very hard. Who known or who thinks something like this could happen. I hear her voice everyday in my head, trying not to forget it and her big loud crazy laugh:) LOL. I don't know how to put into words how close we were. We are the only family we have. I think now what am I going to do now. I blame myself sometimes, thinking if I called her that night she could still be here. we talked everyday. Asking myself why she didn't fight harder to stay with me. She knew were all we had, was eachother, now what. I just want to hold her and tell her I love her more than anything in the world and she is the best sister I could ever have. Hoping she knows how much I adored her from birth. I prayed for a sister for a long time, at first all i had was brothers. Than she finally came. Best day of my life. Sometimes i feel like I am drowning and I think to myself honsetly if I didn't have my kids I would leave this earth and be with her. But I have my kids to think about and have to stay for.This week on sunday 02/19/12 at 8:30pm she will have been gone for 1mth. 1mth since I heard her voice and it just means more and more time will past with out her. I think is still possible, could this be really true. I't can't she will call and tell it was the worst joke she could ever play on me. But nothing happens. I can't put into words how much i miss her, need her or love her. Jackie is my baby, not only is she my sister, she is like my baby. I raised her when our mother left her. So I lost my baby and sister. My stomach is in knots. Jackie I want you to come back. But you haven't, the phone hasn't rung and you are on the other end. Love you always and forever.
Feb 15, 2012
Elley
I dont know what Im going to do without my big sister, and only sister.I feel like Im in a nightmare and im not waking up.how do we go on?Its been a little over a month and feels like an eternity.I cant stop thinking about her.If i didnt have my husband and kids I dont know what Id do.Lori I love you so much and Im sorry We werent talking and i didnt get to say goodbye and tell you how much I love you.Thats why I wasnt talking with you I couldnt enable you anymore like everyone else and pretend everything was ok I knew it wasnt.Why Why did u have to take all those pills ? You had cheated death 3 times in the last 2 yrs.I love you so much and wish I could of done something to make everything better for you. I cant stop thinking about you I dont know how Im gonna go on knowing Ill never see or hear you again.A piece of my heart has died and inside I know Ill never be the same.Ill never hear you call me boggen which no one understood lol...Im sitting here christian is sick again yes again ad its raining looks like howI feel outside.Christmas is just a few weeks away and Im just not in the mood This is usually my favorite time of the year and its just not the same.I took out my ornaments u painted for us a couple years ago its almost like you knew this was going to happen.Everywhere I look in my house there are reminders of you.Pictures, things you made for me or gave me......I pray god gives me the strength to get on with my life because right now i just dont know how.Knowing Ill never see you or hear you again. I love you my big sister, youll always be in my heart.
Dec 12, 2012
Cynthia StGermain
Mark Edward ST.Germain II was my only sibling and i adored him he was 5 years older and i thought he hung the moon when i was little ,he loved wrestling and we would have fun guess who win the match and bet i get to beat the loser and he one time won so many times my ass was dark purple and he got in trouble with my parents ..he was a good big brother our grandmother passed one years ago and mark was there hugging me when i need then and when life got crazy for me he steped up and made my son feel like he was his son and did special stuff with him so he felt special my son misses him so much . i never realized how much mark was doing for robie and I have ot say thanks big brother for taking care of my little boy when i was off taking care of my bad habits ..i miss you everyday .ild give anything to have one hour with you again to hear your voice would be wonderful...i love you wish i got to have a big brother long then 35 years...
Apr 16, 2013
Cynthia StGermain
Siblings that pass away have special meaning to us. They are often close in age to us and their death may bring to mind our own mortality. Life is no longer taken for granted. Someone from our generation has passed away. If the death is unexpected, there may be loose ends in the relationship that have not been dealt with. It is common that a death of a sibling brings upon a search for meaning. We may ask ourselves if we are accomplishing the goals that we have set for ourselves.
Apr 16, 2013
anna l.
Kyra I am so sorry for your loss. Im glad you found this site. It has helped me more than I can tell you, to be able to come here where there are others who Understand. My big brother, the rock of our family, died just over a month ago. Every loss hits me in a different way. Losing my brother has again knocked my world off its axis and I struggle every day to cope with a world without him in it. I can tell you from experience that this raw heart breaking pain does ease over time but you are right, your world is changed forever. In time you will learn how to navigate your new reality. Be gentle with yourself.
Jul 11, 2013
Elley
omg Kyra I am so sorry for your loss.I feel like I could have written that post.You see I lost my big sister and only sister suddenly to an accidental overdose in November and feel the same exact way.My world as I knew it will never be the same I feel like im in the ocean but cant come up for air.She was always there for me and she made me laugh im so serious she would always say.If u want to talk feel free to msg me because I totally understand your pain.Just know that there are others going thru the same exact thing.For me I always feel like im the ony one going through this horrible pain just know your not alone.Im so sorry again Im here if you want to talk.I was looking at the part when you got the news I did the same exact thing fell to the floor and screamed and cryed so much that I got a polyp on my vocal cord.
Jul 11, 2013
Kimber
New to this group & site. I needed to be where people understand me. In 14 months I lost 3 of my siblings. I have many siblings but they were the 3 I grew up with. Now, I no longer have that special bond with any others. My heart is so broken & most seem to think after the fist passed away it should hurt less with the other 2 passing or I should be over it in a couple of days. It just don't work that way. I never know what each day is going to bring when I wake up. Am I going to be able to function> Am I better off going back to bed for the day? Is my anger going to get away from me and when am I ever going to feel normal around others. Lets not forget the fear of others passing away on me now.
Feb 26, 2014
gramaokie
Kimber: My therapist says that multiple losses cause grief to multiply exponentially (sp?) not decrease. Don't allow others to dictate your process, and grieving is an on-going process. This site and other online grief support groups (i.e. connect.legacy.com) are good and safe places to vent. I also recommend professional grief counseling, especially if you're feeling out-of-control. The impact of losing 3 siblins in such a short time is obviously devastating to you as it would be to anyone. My younger brother's 4th Angel Day will be Mar 9. Eight weeks later (May 7) will be my daddy's 4th Angel day. So, I kind of understand multiple losses in a brief time span. My other advice would be to treat yourself kindly. This is a difficult path. Istill struggle with the reality of a "new normal". I think your feelings are appropriate. Take good care.
Feb 26, 2014
Danielle McEwe
I lost my little sister. Andraya was a beautiful gift from god. We adopted her into our family whenshe was only 3 days old, and at the age of 8, it was like I got my very own living doll. Growing up, because of our age difference, we did not always see eye to eye (literally and figuratively) but I loved her with every fiber of my body because she was such a specail and unique girl. She had a rough go through her teenage years, but for the last few years, she was coming into her own, building houses with my father. When she was 16, she met a boy. He was a few years older than herself, but when we saw them together for the first time, my parents and I knew that she was done, that she had found the one that she was going to be with for the rest of her life. She was becoming a beautful and compassionate young woman and we were starting to get to know one another more. The best day of my life was on August 3, 2013 when I was my sister's maid of honour at her wedding to her long term beau. Then...a short 19 days later, my little sister was killed in a head on collision. She was only 21 years old. The other driver was 17 and was texting and driving. She got away with it with no reprocussions. Meanwhile, I have lost my gift from god, and I am so incredibly sad. I am trying to come to terms with the foreverness of the situation....that I will never see her smile in person again, and I will never hear her laugh, and I will never feel her arm around me again as I did on her wedding day when she hugged me for the photos. My heart is broken and although I have been having a lot of good days, today I feel broken and unable to cope. I am sitting at work fighting back the tears and wondering why....why her? Why did god have to take back his gift so soon? Why was she not able to live a long and happy life? I know I will never get the answers to my questions, and even if I did, it would not bring her back. I just feel so broken today.
Mar 3, 2014
Colleen Daly
Dec 31, 2014
Cindy Akerley
Feb 27, 2015
Gabrielle
Mar 2, 2015
Keturah Turner a.k.a Kat
Mar 18, 2015
tiffiny
Everyone keeps telling me it gets better. I lost my little brother to a car accident Feb. 04, 2014. His accident was Feb. 2, and he was the only one in the car that didn't survive. I am lost without him, and I don't know what to do. It hurts so much that I sit in my room and cry all the time. I am lost, and I know I am.
Apr 9, 2015
Gabrielle
Apr 20, 2015
Gabrielle
Apr 20, 2015
tiffiny
Gabrielle, yes it's hard. Everyone else in the car with Andrew came out with Concussions or a couple of broken bones. What upsets me the most is that he didn't have his seat belt on which is unlikely for him, he never went without one on. But we still don't know what exactly happened and how he got the worse of it. I am just upset at the driver mostly because everyone knows if there is ice on the road and a deer jumps in front of you, you don't try to miss it, you hit it, even if it messes up the car but at least everyone including my brother would have been ok. I am still dealing, and still trying to forgive the driver and my brother for not having a seatbelt on. And it's ok about my name, most people spell it wrong.
Apr 23, 2015
Gabrielle
Hi Tiffiny,
Yes I can see why you're angry, especially because just the simple action of putting on a seatbelt (like he always did) may have saved his life. I guess possibly the driver swerving was an immediate reaction and unfortunately he probably had no time to think about what he was doing, otherwise I'm sure he would have done whatever had the best chances for everyone in the car. Of course I'm just speculating and have no idea about the details of the accident- how fast the driver was going etc. Does he feel remorse for what happened? Has he spoken to you personally about it? Was he close to your brother?
The circumstances around my sisters' death means that I've also experienced a lot of anger. It was through negligence and careless mistakes that she died. She was the only innocent party in the whole sorry mess. No matter how angry I get the outcome is always the same: she's dead, she's not coming back. No matter how many times I run over the 'What ifs' and 'Whys', I can't change a bloody thing. I understand your heartache xx
Apr 26, 2015
tiffiny
Apr 26, 2015
HollowHeart
It's very hard to find a discussion group for siblings that is very active. If you have lost a spouse or parent you are always in luck, those are always active. You are right that losing a sibling is worse than people think it is. Your sibling is with you your entire life, just like your parents, but for most you are closer to your siblings.
I lost my older sister and I think I'm losing my mind on a daily basis. Everyone things I'm "doing better" because it's been some months, but I'm getting worse. Basically, everyone else has moved on or don't want to bring it up. We were together all the time and basically did everything together. She was my main social hub, the one I hung out with, so without her I have no outlet. I have nothing. I'm seeing a counselor and she wants me to go to meet up and such. I have looked into it and even joined some but overall it's just depressing. I want what I can never have again. The comfort and ease of being with someone that gets me and knows me. She knew what I liked and always looked out for me. It was fun to have someone care like that.
I know people and I would talk about certain favorite things all the time, yet they would be clueless if I said something like "oh why didn't you get that for me. You know that's my favorite?" They go "It is? I didn't know" and it would be something that I bring up multiple times a day. She knew and remembered and if she saw something like that it would job her memory that it was my favorite. I will never have anyone that will think about me like that again. I would do the same for her, and now I have no one to do that for. Actually, I would do it for other people, but don't give a shit now. No one would think of me like that, so I don't care about anyone else. I'm just miserable. I'm tired of having no one to talk to, no one to make plans with. I only really have my Ma, but she is old and she's my Ma. I don't even want to hang out with her like that. She don't want to do what I want to do. Life is just miserable now.
May 2, 2016
Patricia
May 3, 2016
HollowHeart
Patricia, thank you. It's truly a new miserable world without her. All I can think about everyday is the unfairness of it. I'm still in shock and can't truly believe she is gone, but to some people I don't say that. I've been on a couple of forums and said that and they just want to analyze that and make me feel like something is wrong with me because I'm in denial. Whatever. I"m fucking miserable on a daily basis. I talked to her more than anyone in her life or my life. We talked EVERY SINGLE DAY. I don't think anyone realizes just how horrible this is for me. It is absolutely unbearable and this feeling will never go away. In 10 years I know I will feel the same way because I have nothing else going on in my life.
But it's good to talk to others mourning siblings because I don't think people think that's as much as a tragedy as losing a spouse or parent or child. Our pain is always overlooked.
May 4, 2016
Sarah C.
My brother, sister, and dog died in a murder-suicide a year ago when I was 19. I'm 21 now and it feels like some things just get worse with time. I never get to see my brother go to college or my sister go to prom. There's just this deafening silence of them not being there. I am lonely a lot without my siblings. It's so exhausting to deal with this everyday. Nobody I know is going through something like this, something that literally is so traumatic and rips your whole life apart. My parents aren't really in my life very much. I just don't know if I'll ever feel okay again. It seems that as much as I try to get better and fill my life with people I still end up empty and feel alone in the end.
Nov 3, 2017