Comment

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 20, 2017 at 4:42pm

John T.

I am surprised that I am still alive after losing my Husband 4 Years ago, I just go day to day hoping one day won't wake up.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 20, 2017 at 4:40pm

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 20, 2017 at 4:39pm

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 20, 2017 at 4:38pm

Jennifer,

Don't feel bad about not standing happy couples and family, It has been 4 years and I still feel that way. I just can't get over losing my kind, wonderful, Husband.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 20, 2017 at 4:24pm

Anne,

Thanks, this website is all of us who lost a lost a spouse and understand what we go through everydAY.

Comment by Jackie cooke on August 20, 2017 at 8:39am

It will always be we, us ours, I never want it to just be me. Just cos Shirl not with me physically she is still part of me and still part of our lives

Comment by Paul on August 20, 2017 at 8:15am

Not much of a friend to be pointing out something so insensitive after only one month. People can be such assholes.

Comment by bluebird on August 19, 2017 at 11:32pm

My husband and I are and ALWAYS will be "we".  

I say "I" when referring to something specifically related to me, like "I'm tired" or "I need to buy Benadryl", but when it comes to anything about our life together, it's "we". 

Keep saying "we" for as long as you want to, forever if you want to. It's no one else's business, and it sure as hell isn't anyone else's place to try to correct you -- I would shut that shit down very quickly, if anyone tried to do that to me.

Comment by Ronnie Luethy on August 19, 2017 at 9:51pm

It has been 3 months for me now, and I still say 'we'. Every once in awhile I realize as I say it, and I've tried to say 'I' a few times. But I've starting to realize that it still is 'we' not just 'I'. We believe we were/are soul mates, and I know part of her is still with me, so 'we' seems appropriate.

Comment by John T. on August 17, 2017 at 9:12pm

Hello AnneJ and everyone,  In a couple of weeks it will be 3 years since I lost all that mattered to me.  Six months ago I started unpacking and hung some pictures where I live now.  I did it out of embarrassment rather than a desire to make a home.  Every single day since that September afternoon that she died, I have thought about her during the long hours.  I don't cry every day but when something sparks a memory, I do.  That happens more times in a week than I believe.  The pain isn't as sharp and there is no way it possibly could be.  I doubt I could have gone on living with that.  However, it's only in the last 8 or 9 months that it has faded to a dull, vague hurt that's always there, like background noise.  I drank for a while and since that brought me so little relief, I have stopped.  I wish that after all these many months, these years, that I had some insight or new found wisdom to share.  I don't.  This is still as big a mystery as it was 3 years ago, as inexplicable and shocking as ever.  I worry all the time about our two cats and I can't imagine losing them.  This is all a jumble of thoughts.  There is no way I can make sense of anything that has happened.  People around me have wondered why this has been so hard and talk about how free I am to do anything I want.  What would that be?  I can never tell them that all that's important to me is lost and my heart will be forever broken by losing her.  I can't believe it's been 3 years.  3 years since I spoke to her, held her hand, and talked about the things that interested us both.  To have lost the most simple things that now mean more than I can say is awful.  I miss her more than I could ever put into words.  Somehow, I have survived it but I am unsure exactly why.  One more question without an answer.

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