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Comment by M Adams on September 24, 2017 at 8:03pm

This take a trip advice must be widespread -- I was so stunned to get repeated phone calls and letters from one aunt telling me to go on a cruise within a month of my husband's death. I guess my non response is why there were both letters and phonecalls. She told me that was what my other aunt had done right after her husband's death, so apparently it is something people do. I couldn't imagine how anyone could bear it. It's been fourteen months now and I still can't envision doing anything normal, let alone something social and celebratory like a cruise. It would be so horrible for me. Yet I guess it is helpful for some. For me it's bad enough shopping for food now and seeing things he loved, like the fancy chocolate bars or the cheese crackers, and not needing to even look or care what they have.

Comment by John T. on September 24, 2017 at 7:23pm

Bruce, it's just overwhelming at times.  This month is our anniversary, the anniversary of our first date (the most significant date to her), and the 3rd year since I lost her.  I have no one to talk to about any of this because my family seems to be running as fast as they can to deny growing older and avoiding the thought of what I'm going through.  I sure as hell don't want to upset anyone around here by bringing up anything unpleasant.  I'm sorry, they're good people but deep down they are afraid.  The thought of personal loss is something most of us avoid and I probably did the same.  So, I keep to myself and wonder what the point is now.  I understand how my mother felt after my father died suddenly at age 52.  She never recovered and everyone thought she was a little bit crazy.  The thing is, my mom and dad were close friends and allies.  I was blessed to have them as parents.  Now, they're gone and my wife is gone.  And all I'm hearing is I ought to take that train trip across country I always talked about.  As if that would heal everything and I would be all would be well after I return.  Ahead are all the holidays again.  More to deal with and another hurdle to clear.  To what purpose?  

Comment by Bruce Armstrong on September 24, 2017 at 6:59pm

So lonely in the evening house is empty nobody here -been 3 months after 54 years with her I miss her and can't seem to stop crying need that companion and love close

Comment by bluebird on September 23, 2017 at 3:54pm

Thank you, Trina and everyone.

Comment by Shelley Sawhook on September 23, 2017 at 3:32pm

I think I may be losing my mind.  Last year at this time I was living with my sweet, wonderful, considerate husband and my youngest child.  Now I live alone.  I try to occupy myself with my animals and am working on volunteering somewhere, but I am disabled and doing things on my own are so hard.  I sit here and wait for my husband to come home from work. 

He was diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma January 2016.  The tumors were almost gone by October of 2016 and we went on a whole family vacation to celebrate.  At the end of December he had a heart attack, on our youngest daughter's 18th birthday.  It seemed minor and he joked going into surgery but he never woke up.  He was in a coma for 10 days before I had to take him off of life support.

I have to live with turning him off, losing the love of my life (people we know called it a fairy tale), moving and my daughter moving out in just a few months.  Mostly I am numb.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on September 23, 2017 at 3:22pm

Bluebird and Trina,

After 4 years waking up every morning is the worst part of my day.

Comment by Linda Engberg on September 23, 2017 at 3:17pm

Bluebird,

No matter how many years go by, I am on Number 4, I will never happy again until I join him. he was my true soulmate and Husband.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 23, 2017 at 3:06am

Dear bluebird,

There are no words to offer you as you mark the fifth anniversary of your beloved husband's passing. I can only say that I feel deeply for you, and my heart aches at your pain. I know the feeling you are describing only too well. For me too, somehow the night is more bearable (I talk to Joseph when I am in bed and somehow I can feel him there in bed with me), but getting up to face the new day is brutal. Every morning (very late for me) as I wake up, I have to nerve myself to face yet another empty, purposeless day without the love of my life. So I can relate to exactly what you are saying. Like I said, apart from saying that I feel deep empathy for you, there are no other words to say which might bring you a little bit of comfort. Just know that I am thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

Big, big hug, Trina

Comment by Nancy on September 22, 2017 at 10:16pm

Exactly bluebird.

Comment by bluebird on September 22, 2017 at 10:06pm

I have to say, Nancy, I envy you the 43 years. My husband and I were together for nearly 13 years, but married for only one week when he died (massive, unexpected heart attack).  But no matter how long a couple is together, when they are truly in love the pain is horrific when one dies.

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