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Comment by Susan K on January 29, 2018 at 9:40pm

I am nearing the one year of my husbands death....I relive every second of the last two weeks of his life everyday, so it doesn't seem so long ago...I wonder if I will ever stop doing that if i will ever just relive the happiness. I just have a question for all..Does it ever get better? Will I laugh again? Will i get myself back? I have cried everyday since his diagnosis 2yrs ago I don't know what its like to not cry...I am only 49 and like most of you all cant not bear to look ahead at a life without my person..The one person who had my back! It is a challenge to do anything but I do it so my family will stop telling that "I have to keep living"...Not one of them knows what it feels like, not one of them has been in my shoes and they keep telling me what I should do! I have to sell my house this year and it is tearing my apart it..we finally bought a house to settle down after moving around our entire marriage, my husband served 26 years in the Air Force and moved every three years..This was our first house that felt like our home and now I have to leave it...Its not the worst thing but its hard....Thank you for giving me the opportunity to vent...I hope you all find peace :)

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on January 29, 2018 at 1:28pm

My goodness Alice and WOlfman and all those who've lost their partners at a young age I am feeling sorry for myself maybe having 20 more years without the love of my life.it scares the ....out of me!

Comment by W0lfman on January 29, 2018 at 12:46am

Thank you for that Morgan.  hello and well wishes to you all. Yes this is by far the hardest thing i have ever experienced but knowing im not completely off my rocker helps.  Yes my wife was my soul mate i feel but i feel so angry that i was only allow 3 years with her now im 47 and i guess i just become a grumpy old man yelling at people to get off my crappy lawn. i do have my daughter and 1 grandson and 2 more on the way so they are what light i have now i just know my daughter thinks i should be "handling" things different im always the go to guy and my wife was who i would go to to vent and de stress now i just cant be that guy at the moment.

Comment by Elynn m on January 28, 2018 at 10:36pm

Morgan

   Very well put.   I think all of us agree with what you said.  Thank you for the wisdom.

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 28, 2018 at 12:46pm

Morgan,

Very well said, exactly how I am trying to live without my Husband.

Comment by Nancy on January 28, 2018 at 11:55am

Very well said morgan.

Comment by morgan on January 28, 2018 at 11:30am

Wolfman, I hate to say what you are feeling is normal because it feels anything BUT normal . Yet what you have described are the exact feelings of what the loss of a soulmate to death does to the person left behind.  Confusion, erratic behaviors, no sense of grounding etc.  are the emotions gone unhinged.  You are looking for tools to cope.  Society is used to seeing us "fix" things and ourselves.  Surely there is SOMETHING that will do it for us?

Well, if you find it, then patent it, because you've got a gold mine. Most of us who come here are still looking and not because we haven't tried.  For me, I have found out this is simply a test of my endurance without ending it or becoming a full fledged substance abuser.  Making decisions by myself about anything, about life, is a constant battle between my mind and my emotions and I cant shut off either one.  There is SO much to say about grief that we were never clued in about.  You will learn about some of it here and then you will be trying what works for you because of your own personal level of endurance.  Just knowing you are not crazy to be feeling this way can help.  Taking baby steps every day is now what you need to do to try and regain some sense of self.  It will be the hardest thing you will ever attempt.  Ever.  Consider getting food in you and a shower your whole days victory.  And you may only get one of them done.  It's an uphill climb from here.  The mountain is really steep.  You will fall millions of times and slip backward and you will be "expected" by society to get up.  But only do what you can and remember, we are all behind you climbing the same mountain.  Take care the best you can.

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 28, 2018 at 6:13am

Woflman,

Welcome to this site, sorry for your lose. This is one place you can come to and share your thoughts, I have been on it since I lost my Husband to cancer. 

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on January 28, 2018 at 5:52am

Dear Wolfman.  I am so sorry for your loss. I'm not much help because I lost the love of my life after 44 years 17 months ago and have lost the meaning of life. All I know is that the people on this site truly know what you are going through

Best Wishes 

Marjorie

Comment by W0lfman on January 28, 2018 at 1:28am

Hello all i am new to this group and haven't been able to find the words until now after 2 failed marriages I had sworn off marriage.  Then i met the most persistent loving caring woman i had ever met she honestly made me a better man. This was the woman i was supposed to grow old with.  Well 12/12/17 my loving wife of 3 short beautiful years passed due to severe asthma turning to lung disease. Now i feel completely lost  i dont know who i am any more without her i cant eat i rarely sleep and its just all i can do to get the hell out of bed. Anyway thanks for letting me share i cant seem to talk with people who "just dont get it " they say they do and are so sorry and im sure they are but i seem to get mad at even hearing it. MY emotions are all over the place and this is very new to me just not sure how to get back in control of myself. ill stop for now but if anyone wants to talk man i could use a friend

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