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Comment by Linda Engberg on May 6, 2018 at 10:32am

Dear John T,

My Husband and I both loved horse racing, he always bet on number 7 his favorite number and guess who wins the Derby this year. #7. We did get a chance to go to the 115 running, May 6, 1989 and just our luck it was the coldest derby they ever had. Coffee was the drink of the day. (LOL).

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 6, 2018 at 10:28am

Morgan,

This quote sums sums up our lives.fe. 

Comment by morgan on May 5, 2018 at 11:43pm

John T.......havent seen you in awhile.....Isnt it just the "silly" things or like trina mentioned: having to tape up a shipping box that just sends us into that space where the missing just tips us over.  After five years I have gotten better at functioning during a day.  I get through alot of them if I don't interact with people and just work like a madman.  But then the night comes and I sit.  I sit and avoid going to bed because I hate going to an empty bed.  And mornings are just as bad still.  I don't want to have to face the light of day.  

I think the relentless crying and wanting him with me has now morphed into a hatred for everything and an intense desire for how to escape.  I have never found any purpose or reason.  I have grown much more despondent as well as mournful.  Others seem to still think this is just a passing phase.  That time will continue to move along and I will find something that will remove him enough from my memory that I will find joy/happiness.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I had a true love....a person who loved me for all my faults and all my strengths.......and I will not ever be happy again until I am back in his arms.....take care the best you can......morgan

Comment by John T. on May 5, 2018 at 9:51pm

Today was the Kentucky Derby and my wife loved it.  On no other day was she interested in horse racing but on this Saturday, she would sit for hours and watch the story of the horses and be entranced.  Lord, such a silly thing for such an intense memory.  I lost her 3 1/2 years ago and the wound never heals.  Not a day goes by that I don't tell her how much I love her and miss her.  I pray she knows.  Today especially.  God bless you all.

Comment by morgan on May 5, 2018 at 8:02pm

Linda,  Five years and we still long for our husbands........Its time for us to go......when will it happen?  Im so sorry you've had to make it this far.......give Baby J a hug from all of us. morgan

Comment by Linda Engberg on April 30, 2018 at 8:53am

Trina,

Thank you so much for your kind words.

God Bess You, Linda 

Comment by JenShep on April 29, 2018 at 8:34pm

I’ve cried for 561 days in a row. How can that not kill me?? This is crazy. How can we live like this?

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 29, 2018 at 6:11pm

morgan,

"Waiting...Waiting and Missing" could be the title of a short story based on our lives. These three words pretty much say it all about our life after the death of our soulmate, the love of our life. Everyday one question that pops up in my head is "When, when will it all end? When will my end come?"

Let peace come to us... 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 29, 2018 at 6:07pm

Dear Linda,

I will think of you on May 5th as you face the fifth anniversary of the passing of your beloved husband Julian. It is going to be a heart wrenching day, with no way to lessen the pain, but somehow you will have to make it through the day.

Like you and morgan and so many others on this forum, I often find myself suddenly covering my face and bursting into tears, my memory stirred by a small thing. Today it was while taping up a shipping box for my brother-in-law. I recalled how Joseph was the one who dealt with boxing and shipping and mailing. Something as trivial as taping a box can bring forth tears! There is no respite for the likes of us. For as long as we live we will miss, mourn and grieve the passing of the love of our life.

Sending thoughts of peace and good vibes and prayers to you, Linda.

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Linda Engberg on April 29, 2018 at 7:35am

Hi Morgan,

Couldn't agree with you more, I keep myself busy but yet anything I do is just going through the motions, I don't have as many breakdowns as I used to but I just can't stop thinking of my Husband everyday. I have no one to share my feelings except on this website. Thank God for all of you, I don't know what I would do.

God Bless all of you, Linda  

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