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Comment by Beth Swansboro on July 7, 2018 at 1:22pm

Suppose to say I am in hold mode. Sorry.

Comment by Beth Swansboro on July 7, 2018 at 1:21pm

Yes we will Linda.   Life sure is different without him. I will keep you in my prayers on the 10th. Just is hard to think where I am going in life. Since Bob died I have just been in old mold. Our retirement together is gone. Just so lost now!

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 7, 2018 at 12:03pm

Beth,

My Husband's bday is July 10, I know we will both be with them again.

Comment by Beth Swansboro on July 7, 2018 at 10:33am

Happy 65th Birthday to my love in heaven. Miss you! Love you!

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 7, 2018 at 7:35am

Hi Anne,

I just love the last line of your post.

Take Care

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 6, 2018 at 8:13am

Comment by Geri on July 6, 2018 at 2:27am

Hi everyone,

Just so worn out. Still can't accept he's gone. Just had home movies converted to DVDs and it's breaking my heart to see and hear him again during our happiest times together. The distractions during the day are no longer working either and panic follows me around. The most beautiful of memories are also crippling me with tears. 

Has anyone had any success with mediums to connect to their loved ones?

Comment by Mary Wilson on July 6, 2018 at 12:06am

Hello everyone! I'm new here. Just lost my middle school sweetheart and husband of 16 years, the 14 of last month. My world has been turned upside down!! We didn't have human children, only cats. I feel lost. 

Comment by morgan on July 6, 2018 at 12:01am

Linda, I will think of you on the 10th......these last few days have been a back breaker for me......Days just wasting away.......the immensity of the grief just taking my breath away.  

And yes, some people got lucky and found the one person who truly was their soul.  For all intent and purpose, I am already dead.  My sold is buried.  Unfortunately I am still paying bills and having to talk to other people...... something I used to be good at.  Now it is everything I can do to find the energy to do both.  I am just tired.  Tired of having to deal with the assaults on my psyche.  Just tired of living......   

Comment by morgan on July 5, 2018 at 11:56pm

Alice, Like you, every day I run into situations, some challenging, some just reminders.  They overwhelm me and I cry.  After five and half years I am now resigned to the facts.  Fact:I am never going to have a normal life.  Fact: I am never going to see my husband again (here).  Fact: And I am doing things that will make life easier for some people who will be left behind after I go.

 But everyday I cry about what I had.  About how terribly I miss him.  Because I am desperate to reunite with him.  I just don't care about living anymore.  Its just fact.  It isn't depressing for me.  Others seem to think somehow I should be doing something to not feel this way.  They just have no clue how important he was to my life.  How he was the beacon that lit my way.  it was an intense relationship.  The ups and the downs but the love was a fire deep in our souls and it was not quenchable.  We were hungry for each other.......there was something that stirred that if I compare to other marriages I know, theirs seem superficial.  

Now at 66 I am taking care of all my affairs that were the struggles and successes of our life together.  All the things we did to keep going I am now making sure I have in order since I certainly was not prepared to handle them myself and it has been a long journey to cope with all the decisions i have had to make.  But make them I am, and I am getting closer to seeing the order.  I am preparing for my own death.  I don't know when but I am so ready.  I can hope it is natural because I would hate to get to my goal and find myself still breathing for long.  It sounds so morose but it seems so normal to me.  For such a long time I kept thinking, things might change.  That I wouldn't have such deep thoughts about wanting to die.  But it hasn't changed.  If anything I have become more determined to figure out a way.  

Weird isn it? In those early years I just thought this too shall pass.  How could it not? At some point the grief would lessen.  Now I know better, each moment is just another version of staring at the same mirror.........and the time that has passed seems like an eternity.....I want to be with him again......Please universe,  let me go.

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