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Comment by Linda Engberg on May 15, 2019 at 6:07am

Morgan,

My whole problem with myself is I just can't accept my Husband's death and there is a not a thing I can do about it. I want things back the way things were. So to avoid all my breakdowns I try to numb myself with beer. I don't get drunk but I do have 3 a day just to keep me numb and it is the only way I can go on without him. I told my therapist all the different meds I try just don't work, so I have to deal with in my own way.

Comment by morgan on May 14, 2019 at 10:28pm

Terrible,horrible, crippling breakdown tonight.  I know what triggered it and it is something I have struggled with all these years and the closer I get to trying to solve it the worse the breakdowns are becoming. Problem is I am still unable to cross the threshold and just get it done.  It seems my brain just wont let me. They seem to be getting worse.  

Does anyone else have these crippling kind of breakdowns when they come up against something they simply cant seem to solve?  

Comment by Joe Kelly on May 11, 2019 at 4:14pm

It's nice you found something special stand out on his last birthday.   Most of my Love's birthdays, I made special.  We were either on a cruise or a nice land vacation every year on her birthday.  Her last birthday was in between trips and all our kids and grands through her a nice birthday party.  They took a video of it and although I have about 700 pics of her from aged two till days before she died, that is the only video I have of her.  Her birthday is Monday, May 13th.  It fell on Mother's day last year and we all went to the cemetery to place flowers.  Today, we went because tomorrow, Mother's day and Monday, her birthday, it will be nothing but rain here.  I'll still be up there as I'm there every day, but chose today for them to be in the sunshine rather than rain.  They brought mixed bouquets for Mothers Day and I brought some nice red roses.  I will be watching her B-day video a few times on Monday.  Enjoy your pics and memories of that early bloom, which seems to be rare where you are at, and, on his last birthday.  Just as it was rare that we were home for a family birthday party on her last birthday.  Comfort be with you, Joe 

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 11, 2019 at 3:39pm

Beautiful Flowers. May God be with you.

 

Comment by M Adams on May 11, 2019 at 11:08am

Today is my husband’s birthday — looking at pictures from his last birthday I was struck by all the roses brought in from the garden that day.  At this time of the year there wouldn’t normally be roses in bloom — today there are just a few green buds out there — but there were many out in full early flower on May 11 2016.

Comment by Joe Kelly on May 8, 2019 at 2:51pm

oh well, at least I know if I post a pic you guys can see it.  But still wish I could.

Linda, yes it is an ongoing nightmare for all of us.  It's like it can't be.  But it is.

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 8, 2019 at 2:46pm

Morgan,

Julian's death is the most horrific thing that ever happened to me.

Joe, wish I could help you but I don't know much about fixing your problem. 

Comment by Joe Kelly on May 8, 2019 at 2:39pm

I wondered why Linda's comment came up blank.  I still cannot see pictures.

Comment by morgan on May 8, 2019 at 11:45am

Linda, You capture the true essence of our grief in the pictures and prose that you share with us.  The last line says it all doesn't it?

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 8, 2019 at 6:47am

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