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Comment by bluebird on April 24, 2016 at 5:23pm

Like many of you, I much prefer isolation. If I cannot be with my husband, I really don't want to be with anyone. I do spend some time with my sister and her husband, and somewhat less time with my parents, but they all understand fairly well how this is for me. Also, when I'm with my sister and her husband, we generally have dinner while watching a movie or tv series on dvd, so we sort of focus on that, and don't have to talk too much, so that way I don't either talk about how much I want to die (and upset them) or feel as though I have to pretend I'm ok (which pisses me off). 

Anyway, sitting at home with just me and our cat is much easier than anything else. It sucks, of course, as everything does. I miss my beloved husband more than I could ever express, and wish he were here with me. But for as long as I am stuck in this life, I will spend as much of it as possible just staying in my apt., stagnating and waiting to die.  I know that sounds overly dramatic, but it's not -- it's how it really is, for me.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 24, 2016 at 4:37pm

John, so well said. I have found isolation to be my friend. I have ventured out a bit the last 6 months and have found it to be exhausting. In some ways, I have regretted the venture out into the "real world". To have to smile and keep up idle chatter about nothing is more than I can bear.

I think most don't want to hear about our most loved ones passing because they are in such denial themselves about death, especially their own.

This is where forums like this are so valuable.

Comment by O.L. Cato on April 24, 2016 at 1:50pm

Mel,

I understand what you are saying.  I am  tired of people telling me to "get out of the house, do things, see people, etc."  If I wanted too I would, I am not ready to go out to eat, dance, party and I doubt I will be.   I see people when I want too.  The emptiness without John is almost unbearable but I am not ready to enter any social scene.  However, a phone call from a neighbor asking me to walk down the street for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine would be appreciated.  These people called when we were a couple.  Are they afraid I will become hysterical?  I pray for peace of mind and for God to take my husband by the hand.Words......there are no words for the loss all of us have experienced.

God bless us all. 

Comment by Mel Royer on April 24, 2016 at 11:30am

morgan,

As I've said before, the horror of this predicament is the sheer isolation that can only be eliminated by the one we've lost. Although, I feel a little better in the company of others, they are not a suitable replacement for Nancy. I suspect no one will ever be. Like you, I continue to force myself to commune with people and feel more smothered than comforted.  The advice from friends outside this group  is often austere and complicates my already well established confusion and emptiness. I still pray for release from this earthly prison and miss Nancy with a passion I can't describe. May God Bless you and I pray for your peace and comfort    Mel

Comment by stewart p on April 23, 2016 at 2:55am

I struggled a long time thinking I would like to move, anywhere would be better then remaining here.  I looked for so long I eventually became exhausted from always looking for a new place to move to.  And as time has passed by I now am glad I didn't. Sure I thought or wanted to believe moving would somehow lessen the pain, and maybe it would of, but on the other hand if I had to struggle so much trying to think of where to move I finally concluded there was no other solid reason I could justify to move, and usually decisions we make aren't such a struggle.  Perhaps one day I will move, but it most likely will be for other reasons and the choice will be clear.  So here I am, and frankly im glad, because had I moved I probably would now be sitting somewhere I really had no other good reason to have moved to and missing the "old" place, this way I'm comfortable, and I get to enjoy seeing the touches my wife left on our home each and every day as much as or as little as I want to.  In fact I'm glad I didn't move because  I probably would of ended up driving by the place every week missing it even more.  I have moved a few things around early on for the purpose of "changing" things around a little only to find myself putting things back as they were.  Now if I change something I leave it changed, but I only change it for good reasons that suit my needs, otherwise I leave it.  And I guess if I ever do move, it will be for good reasons that have little to do with believing it might help me feel better about missing my wife, because I don't think it would of helped, for me at least.  For someone else maybe it would, but like I said before I simply tired of thinking about it constantly and finally just quit the idea, and looking back so far Im glad I did, stay, for now.

Comment by Fran on April 22, 2016 at 3:17pm

I'm approaching the 18 month also and haven't quite gotten up the nerve to change the bedroom which my husband setup when I was away for a few days...Just can't seem to redo the room yet...don't want to lose the memories.

Comment by morgan on April 22, 2016 at 12:48pm

I'm surrounded by people but I am all alone.  

Comment by morgan on April 22, 2016 at 12:43pm

You don't fix grief, you endure it.

Comment by Denise Lavoie on April 22, 2016 at 7:57am

Hi,My husband passed April 4th.That was on Monday.A couples days latter I went to my daughters apartment and spent 2 weeks with Rachel and Brandon.Today I am going home for the first time since Ron passed away. I am so sad knowing he is not there.I do have a lot to do it gets overwhelming thinking about.I will have to take one min at a time.

Comment by Sheryl Kep on April 22, 2016 at 5:22am

i couldnt bear being in our room alone,  so i changed it all around.  its easier to bear and kind of my haven.    the whole house is his,  and im torn between leaving it,  or keeping his place.  I think i will leave it,  but theres so much cleaning and removing work to be done it scares me. I guess idont want to leave it,  but its too much for me alone.  its nearly 3 months and Tuesday would have been a special day for him and it scares me. all 

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