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Comment by Mary on June 14, 2016 at 10:59pm

Oh Charlie. What u have said is exactly how I feel too. My husband Neil and I would say the same. Even in our special moments we'd start crying - happy tears because we were so blessed to have each other and scared if we were to lose one another. How could we live without each other. We were best friends and life partners. Each day now is a struggle to breathe at times I don't know how to carry on. But like you said your wife would understand - I know my husband would too. People tell me I should get out, do things, Neil would want u to. It's true he would but he would know that I can't right now. And he would be ok with it. I feel him with me giving me strength. If not, I don't think I'd be getting out of bed. My thoughts and prayers to you to find comfort.

Comment by Charlie on June 14, 2016 at 10:05pm

Mary, I feel the same way you do.  I know that my beloved Laurie would want me to not stop living my life, but at the same time I also know that she understands my brokenness and paralysis.  She often said that if I were to be the one to go first (which seemed likely because she was 24 years younger than me), she didn't know how she could possibly go on without me.  I always said the same to her.  We were absolutely everything to each other.  At this point I'm so destroyed, I don't know when or if I'll ever be able to "live" again.

Comment by Mary on June 14, 2016 at 8:46pm

Linda. I wish I had your attitude. You are the opposite of me. Even though I know my husband would want me to carry on with life, my physical and mental bring just can't. Maybe it's too soon for me yet. It's only been 7 weeks - feels like just yesterday and at times liked it's been a long time v

Comment by stewart p on June 14, 2016 at 4:36pm

Linda, Excellent idea and kudos to you for getting out there, the idea of enjoying a prime rib meal alone as your husband would of makes me smile

Comment by stewart p on June 14, 2016 at 4:28pm

Oleta, not to worry.  I always felt the same or even less after attending each bereavement group meeting, at least for a while.  The idea is to help ourselves by leaning into rather than away from our pain and over time I found that this has a great healing attribute associated with it.  

Comment by Oleta Cato on June 14, 2016 at 3:03pm

I went to Grief Support again last night.  I don't think I felt better when I got home or at least I was as sad as I had when I went.  All in all I think it's good for me.  You can, at last talk to someone who doesn't think losing a spouse is catching or doesn't think if you speak you will  get hysterical.  Other than a dear cousin I speak to long distance, who has also lost her husband, there is NO ONE that I can talk too.  My children don't want to talk about their father.  Makes then sad.  It makes me feel as if he never existed.  As long as I live, he will live. I love to retell his funny stories or talk of the benevolent things he has done, all the love he has given.  I wish I had told him how much I love him, one more time.

Comment by Mel Royer on June 14, 2016 at 12:08pm

There's always the sky burial. Tibetan, I think?..where you prepare the body on the top of a mountain and leave it to the vultures.  

Comment by Mary on June 13, 2016 at 4:04pm

Rebecca, I love what you said. There is no time limit. Only the person who had that relationship with the person who has pAssed knows how much they meant in their lives. Everyone is different. For me my husband was my life partner, my love, my world. Our lives were combined yet separate. Being without him is like only having half of me. The last 7 weeks feels like a lifetime ago yet also just like the other day. The deeper the love the deeper the grief I believe. It's so difficult to wake up each morning knowing that your life partner is gone.

Comment by Blue Swan on June 13, 2016 at 3:16pm

“All the whackjob psychologists out there will tell you that grief is a process. Some say it has five stages. Others say that grief should only last two years at the lost, otherwise it's "abnormal". Putting an expiration date of grief though is like putting out the flame on a burning candle. It might stop the candle from melting down and falling apart, but in the long run the candle goes solid, freezes in a catatonic state. Take away a person's grief and guaranteed they'll only be a frozen shell of a human being afterwards. Grief is only love, it's nothing to hide or send away with happy pills and mother's little helpers. Grief is a lifeline connecting two people who are in different realms together, and it's a sign of loyalty and hope.”
― Rebecca McNutt

Comment by Chum on June 12, 2016 at 7:38pm

No offence at all. Jordan chose the garden himself a couple of years ago when I told him I wouldn't be rowing him out to sea and throwing his body overboard, Viking style. I don't fancy spending time in prison, or trying to explain myself as the Coast Guard motors up beside me, so he chose the garden as a compromise:)

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