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Comment by joanne on June 16, 2016 at 10:17am

Morgan, I truly love reading your posts,you and bluebird have this amazing way with words and I can relate to many things you say, you send hugs to us all , well I said a big hug back to you. Xxx

Comment by Mary on June 16, 2016 at 2:31am

Morgan and many others - I identify so much with what u are saying. We try to live each day but our overwhelming sadness makes it so hard.
I miss my husband every moment. He is on my mind every moment. I feel shattered without him. He is my life partner. We loved each other so much and shared that with each other. Everyday it's a struggle - everyday my mind goes thru things - everyday I'm trying to cope with a subject - what will my life be like now, why did God take him, was I being punished, why didn't I notice he wasn't well , why didn't we go to the hospital sooner, was my relationship really solid or Am I dreaming it, will I remember him, will the kids, how can I manage my life without him, I don't have any joy, I can't seem to love anymore even with my kids I feel unloving or incapable of showing love. My head hurts with everything. I haven't been able to get back to work, I can barely get the strength to make dinner for the kids
It's only been 7 weeks since my husband passed unexpectedly. I still can't grasp my brain around it yet some times. I don't know how to live. Everything is a struggle , eating, showering, looking after the kids, going to get groceries, going out. I miss my wonderful husband with my whole being.
Thankyou for sharing - it's sad to see so many on here. I never imagined the grief losing a spouse would be on the spouse left behind. Hugs to all of you.

Comment by Chum on June 15, 2016 at 7:54pm

I too find it very comforting to read the posts in this group.  Everyone grieves differently and I somehow find solace that everyone has their own way of grieving and coping.  It's good to know I'm not weird or different because I can't get out of the house without breaking down one day, but can do it the next. Today marks the one year anniversary of my husband's death and though I am coping better when around others, I can't handle a room full of people either and am glad I can read and share while sitting in my own house.  I'm shy and reserved in the outside world so this space right here in my own home is a comfort knowing that I can come and go as I please.  I walked out of the hospital a year today, after watching Jordan slip away.  The nurse asked if there was anyone they could call to come and pick me up.  It hit me then that there was only Jordan and I, and now there was just me.  Family the other side of the world and my best friend died the year previously, so it was just me heading home to the dogs and birds.  Worst night of my life.

I don't see a ,'me, me, me, attitude' from anyone posting here.  I just see people trying to cope the best way they can to stay sane. Absolutely, no-one should be judged for how they grieve. 

Comment by Oleta Cato on June 15, 2016 at 6:31pm

Morgan,

I couldn't have said it as well as you did.  Kudo's.

I too cannot grasp living without my darling husband.  My sweetheart.  He was not perfect, nor am I but we loved each other dearly, warts and all.  There is no one to talk too,  Thank God for this site.

Like you, I feel that I am a broken person. 

I'm not lonely here in the house, he is here.  John is in every room.  He is in every breath that I take. 

This week end will be six months that he is gone.  I think I'm dealing with things better but each day I miss him more.

God bless us all.

Comment by morgan on June 15, 2016 at 5:07pm

It has been awhile since I have posted mainly because I have made a major move and for the past week I have not had Internet unless I drive two miles.  Trying to get that remedied.  

Before I went AWOL I saw a couple posts that were a bit unusual as to their rather upbeat message of relief rather than grief.  Not to say I cannot be happy for those who seem ready to take on the world in short order but I think those who have already moved on don't really need grief support so I question their need to be on this site.

I truly believe those of us who are struggling with our loss don't feel the need to wallow in our misery but more look for some validation through the camaraderie we find in those who may feel the same way.  Some of the upbeat posts are simply more of what we receive as being abnormal in the outside world of our daily engagements and I do believe most of us don't need or want to hear of them.  It strikes me as somewhat cruel to have to endure the critique of how the way I grieve, here on this website, could be managed better if only I (fill in the blank).

 

That said, I am well into this grief journey and today I ended up at the hospital (minor) but the visit triggered all the memories and tears were flowing copiously.  Especially during this past week of transition I have had plenty of breakdowns.  I am sure people cannot understand the problem I am having unlocking from what was and thus the breakdowns.  Fewer and less frantic but still there, three years and four months later. 

 

My beloved husband is gone and I still cannot grasp living without him.  I am doing everything possible to manage living but still cannot honestly say I have found much purpose in doing so.  It’s not like I haven’t tried.  As I have repeated often “grief didn’t make me stupid” so my intellectual capacity in understanding the impact of this has not been diminished.   It’s that my heart is broken and my brain has no way to patch it. 

To all those who’s hearts are broken and can’t find a way to patch it together we will still be here long after those who find new loves and new life.  There is nothing abnormal about our grief.  We loved and lost and are doing the best we can. It is all our beloveds would have expected of us.

Take care. 

morgan

Comment by Trina Mamoon on June 15, 2016 at 3:22pm

Lisa and Denise,
My deepest condolences to you on your loss of your beloved spouse. I am sorry that you are now a member of this group, but you have come to a site where most of us are supportive and understanding of the irreparable loss that has brought us to this forum.
The love of my life, my beloved husband Joseph passed 22 months ago, it will be two years on August 4th that my wonderful life, the one I shared with Joseph, came to a stop. The day Joseph left this world, my life as I knew it ceased to exist. Like so many of you have said on this site about your spouses, my husband was an extraordinary human being. He was one of the gentlest, loving, generous, funny, incredibly intelligent, handsome and dashing man/ person that I ever met in my 50+ years. He was taken from me, his loving family and friends, and from his adoring students at age 49. My heart will never be mended, I will never stop pining and yearning for him for as long as I live. I fervently pray everyday, multiple times a day, for my death so that I can join him in the near future.
This site has been a life saving line for me for a long time until recently when a few people who joined recently are trying to change the tone and dynamic of this forum by their self-centered behavior. These individuals flaunt their excitement at being widowed which come off as offensive to those of us who have been on this forum for a long time. Because of their yakking, as one member put it, I have stopped posting. I fear that regulars like Tildyc, Morgan, Bluebird, John, and George, among others have stopped posting. I feel resentful towards these new members who are causing distress to older members, those of us who have been here for more than 2 or 3 years. Their narcissistic attitude is very distasteful. I miss the warmth and caring that I found on this site before. This "me, me" attitude has pushed many of us away from this site. Too bad, the one place that so many of us turned to for comforts do support is now unrecognizable.
I hope the former regulars will come visit and start posting again from time to time.
Best regards, Trina

Comment by joanne on June 15, 2016 at 10:28am

Lisa, I too am annoyed by as you put it by some people's constant yakking on here, I  love reading peoples posts on here because most can relate to my heartbreak, but a minority who have been posting on here latley....well I'm sorry but I wished they would just f*** off and do there yakking somewhere else, and no I don't make no apologies for that comment, to be so blaise with their "moving on with life" and so soon after their loss is disgusting to me in MY opinion!!!   P.s Lisa I'm very sorry for your loss, I feel your pain xxxx

Comment by Mel Royer on June 15, 2016 at 9:26am

Thanks, Lisa.....I've been here, reading with little to post. Still buried in grief and coping as best I can. Trying to stay busy with a lot of work around the house. If I can just force myself to distract myself in that way, I can experience a little relief from the sadness. My nemesis is and has always been severe anxiety and panic attacks for which I take good old Lorazepam. It saves my bacon when emotions run really high but it's something I have been taking for 15 years anyway, no doubt fully addicted to it but I haven't developed any tolerance and will probably take it until I die. At 68 now and losing Nancy it might not be too long. Like you, I prefer logging in to this site, at home, in a familiar and comforting environment.  Good to see your posts.

Comment by Lisa on June 15, 2016 at 7:30am

Since my husband passed away very suddenly on March 3^rd of this year, I have mainly been lurking on this site.  I have found it so comforting to read people posts and I check in many times a day.  I went to a bereavement support group (loss of spouse) for the first time on June 7^th and for me it was a complete disaster.  I have been suffering from severe anxiety since my husband was taken from me and find it extremely difficult to be around a lot of people right now…especially strangers.   I am so thankful for this forum.   To be able to sit quietly in my home, in a safe environment and connect emotionally with everyone has been a blessing.  I do have to bring up one thing though.  Lately some of the recent posts on here have annoyed the crap out of me and I end up closing the site and stop reading.  I realize everyone has their own way to deal with their grief but some of these posts make me feel like I’m listening to someone at work who is yakking away about themselves and has no clue what we are all going through.   On another note, I am so happy to see a post from Mel Royer 19 hours ago.  I was starting to worry about you Mel.  It’s been awhile.

Comment by Denise Lavoie on June 15, 2016 at 3:22am

My husband died April 4 2016.I miss him  so much my heart is breaking.We have been together for 43 years. Where did the time go? I go to a widow group 2 times a month.The ladies are at different levels.We help each other.I am very busy and I do have good friends, they are God's eyes, voice, feet and hands.They are God's physical mean's of carrying me every day.I am so grateful I had a memorial service May 14.It was beautiful. People shared about my husband and how he touched them. He  was a joyful person.I believe I will see Ron when the Lord takes me home to heaven.That will be a glorious day.

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