Comment

Comment by Kathleen on June 23, 2016 at 2:22pm

Bluebird , I know exactly what you are talking about. Half of myself went with my husband when he died, and I haven't yet, after almost 2 years, figured out how to live anymore. My children are resentful because they think I should be back to "normal" by now. Even when I wake up in the morning, I think he's there beside me and I reach for him. Then acouple seconds later, I come back to the reality of this hell on earth.

Comment by stewart p on June 23, 2016 at 12:35pm

mary, thats my sentiments exactly, well at least every other day.  Mine are 20 and 23.  My wife and I lived here in this state all our lives, we went all around here all the time together.  But now whenever I go anywhere, pass a landmark, a hotel, a restaurant I end just spending the rest of the time remembering those happier days.  Its intrusive enough i ve seriously been thinking about moving to another part of the country, somewhere not familiar and trying to start over.  Anyone know what Im talking about?

Comment by Mary on June 23, 2016 at 2:51am

That's how I feel ... Still stuck her in this life. I have to be here for my kids , my youngest is 16. I have to be the Rick now for them. Even tho I rather not I can't give up on them. So I'm ok with staying for now. But I don't want a long life just enough time so that my kids get on their own. I know it will still be hard for them to lose me, but at least they won't have to depend on me.
Life has no meaning for me. It's empty.

Comment by bluebird on June 22, 2016 at 6:14pm

Adrien and Mary,

I feel that way too. It is unreal to me that my husband died and i am still stuck here in this life. It is horrifying to me.

Comment by bluebird on June 22, 2016 at 6:12pm

Mary,

I feel much like you do. I have no interest in anything, in doing anything, in "getting out of the house". I just want to stay home, all the time. If i didn't have to work in order to keep my apt. and pay bills, i would probably never leave the house. If i were wealthy, i would just stay in and have everything ordered in (food, whatever).

I don't actually try to do at least one thing each day, but i often have to do those things, and i find it to be a lot, too.  I really can't do more than one such thing per day, and often not even that. Things that wouldn't even have fazed me before, when my husband was alive, are now too much for me to handle.

Comment by Mary on June 22, 2016 at 6:08pm

Hi Adrian. My heart aches for you. What you describe is exactly how I feel. I lost my wonderful Neil 8 weeks ago and one day. I think of him every moment. The pain is realizing just what you said - that our beloved won't be here for us to be with. They won't be able to enjoy life. I still find it hard to accept. I think to myself where is here. He couldn't of died. He was my life. My daily life. Our house is so quiet without him so empty yet there are 3 of us here. It pains me that our children have lost their dad, their hero, the dad they looked up to and shared fun with.
It is all horrible. I don't know how we can adjust. Today for the first time I went for lunch with a close friend and our sons for our annual end of school lunch. All I could think of was my husbAnd. Not that he joined us at these lunches but just always thinking of him. We were only there an hour and it felt so long. I just wAnted to get home

Comment by Adrien Naude on June 22, 2016 at 5:37pm

Hi all. I am so sad, tears flowing freely, to read of the pain we are all suffering.  Two months and eight days feels like an eternity I have never felt so unsure of myself in my life, I love my wife with every fibre of my being. The feelings of heartache and pain, emptyness, lonliness and despair seem to just get worse and worse with every passing day, as the reality of the situation dawns on me that I will never laugh or speak with Wendy ever again never hug or hold her hand, never kiss and tell her how wonderful she is ever again. She was a wonderful person. Reading all your comments much further down the line than myself.  I cannot see how I will ever be able to deal with or cope with this tragedy. 

Comment by Mary on June 21, 2016 at 8:08pm

To everyone on here - thankyou for all your stories your thoughts your feelings. It's comforting to know others feel the same way as me - though I wish no one would have to experience this ever. My friends and family don't understand how I feel. They say get out of the house, come for dinner, get back to routine.... I try to explain how I feel - But they don't understand I know they mean well. But I just want to stay home. I try to do at least one thing each day - dishes or shower or laundry... That's a lot for me. I feel this overwhelming sense of sadness when all of sudden that feeling comes again that my Neil won't be coming home. I won't feel his touch his warmth b

Comment by morgan on June 21, 2016 at 6:13pm

Patti……..I am going to send you some stardust right now

I want to say something else.  I am three years five months in.  It is an impossible situation.  I have a fellow girlfriend who lost her husband four years ago June 7th.  Patti, it never stops.  We will never not miss them.  We are forced to find ways to endure the pain.  We try to endure the best we can.  No one getting mad at us can understand how bad the pain is for us to have to undertake measures we think will end the pain…..but we, here, we understand and of course don't want to hear that what you wanted to do wasn't final and instead ended up throwing yourself to the wolves.  But that isn't why you are still here.  There's more to it we will NEVER understand. Nothing biblical, just big. 

No one has the answers to this. Not professionals, not us.  But we do FEEL your pain.  Share it.  We will always be here to give you a hand up.  I don't profess any gods guidance and I certainly wouldn't pretend to give advice.  I just know I can feel your pain and will try to take on some of it just to relieve you.  
As for this site and others.  This is now a community of people who know that grief has no time limits.  In fact the further out we get the more we realize that there are many of us who simply will never stop missing our beloved.  What we do with that "missing" is the tough part.  It's what sends us into our holes. 

I am currently living without electric, no hot showers, no refrigeration,  in the woods, no cell service, tv or computer internet (at the library now) and can only think of how drastically my life has changed since my beloved died.  I am taking it an hour(sometimes minutes) at a time and realizing that the more things change the less control I have over anything so I am just going to live for the very present moment.  I can't do more.   My circumstances will change again by the beginning of next week.  i will no longer be as cut off but I am saying this just to maybe give you a way to see the present only as some crazy made up place and as soon as the universe is ready to take us back into the stars to be with our beloved is when it is going to do it.  Trying to force it is not written the way we think when we try to take control.  We didn't have the control over our beloveds death anymore than we have it over our own.  Could it be that this is the universe acting out through us what it needs?  Don't know.  Just know this is the hellish part of it, agreed.

So I am going to sent you as much stardust as I can right now.  Please receive.

morgan

Comment by stewart p on June 21, 2016 at 6:06pm

sure glad to see you here Patti, sorry to hear its been so tough on you, sure know what you mean how bad it still feels, just sort of different isnt it?

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 153
• 154
• 155
• 156
• 157
• …
• 339
• Next ›
• Page