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Comment by Jan on December 9, 2016 at 7:35pm

I have been diagnosed with severe depression, complicated depression and also PTSD  because of the multiple losses in my life. Checked myself into a hospital for a week a few months after my husband died.  Wasn't at all what I needed.  I've had at least 4 -5 different therapists and also a couple of psychiatrists.  Tried every medication out there and for one reason or another couldn't take them.  I was also told I don't need a psychiatrist because what I'm dealing with is grief related. I'm terrified/fearful almost constantly. I'm even afraid of the mail and always expecting bad news.  Can't even decide what to put on in the morning cuz I don't know what to do with myself each day.  I stare at my clothes like they're going to talk to me.  Was put on Lorazepam 2 times a day - helps me at least function.  Cry at the drop of a hat.  Stuff that would help, they don't use in the U.S. for depression - too addictive and not meant for that type of use.  I am at the point I would try almost anything if it could take this pain and weight off my chest.  I can't imagine living whatever time I have left feeling this way each day.  I wish I could sleep more than I do.  If I could get a later start to the day then there wouldn't be so much time to deal with before I could go to bed again.  Sound familiar to anyone?  Then I see people with extreme disabilities basically living life and truly functioning and enjoying it and I get so upset with myself that I can't pull myself out of this.  I won't stop trying  - he wouldn't want me to be like this.  I need to do it for him if not myself.  Again, if anyone finds a decent medication to help - I'm all ears. I certainly hope nobody feels ashamed of needing medication for help whether it's natural or prescription.  No shame in trying to get your life back together.  Be proud of the hard work you're doing and not giving up.  We will get better - God didn't mean for us to be like this, neither did our loved ones.  It's a shame that we can't find each other and have weekly lunches to get our feelings out and actually see another human being that feels the way we do.  I know I wouldn't feel so isolated and alone.  I'm tired of faking the way I feel because of people thinking I should be getting on better than I am.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  I do know and believe that this can be managed once we hit on the right tools - medication/therapy or whatever it takes.  I just go a new car less than 2 weeks ago and already have 1000 miles on it because when I get too bad, I get in the car and drive.  Right now that's my best therapy.

Comment by Fran on December 9, 2016 at 6:34pm

Michael, my doctor wasn't thrilled with Melatonin...suggested Valerian Root instead.

Comment by Elynn m on December 9, 2016 at 3:33pm

Michael, if I see anything, I will message you

Comment by Elynn m on December 9, 2016 at 3:32pm

Michael,

     I'm not sure about specific natural medication for depression.  I only use the melatonin because I was having trouble sleeping.   Check with a natural food store near you.  You can Google "natural supplements for depression".  Just check to make sure they don't interfere with any subscribed medications.  Of course, ourdoctors don't suggest it, because natural supplements are often not approved by the FDA.  ask your counselor what he/she thinks about this too.

Comment by kathleen akin on December 9, 2016 at 3:23pm

Michael, I had not really thought of that. I guess if you were happy and living life to the fullest, you wouldn't be on the computer talking about your pain.

Comment by Michael on December 9, 2016 at 3:03pm

Kathleen
I am hoping that this site gets mostly the worst cases and that there are some who are doing better and no longer come here.

Comment by kathleen akin on December 9, 2016 at 2:35pm

I hate the idea that I need to take something, but what else can I do? I have to be able to go to work. Do stuff. On my days off, I just lay there on the couch and let the world pass me by. I feel like I don't want a life without Rocky, and then sometimes I do. I don't want to be sad all the time. But for now I am. I hope that some day I can feel like doing stuff, going places, having al life. I get discouraged when I see so many who are just where I'm at, except it's been years since their spouse died. That scares me. I wonder if I will be like that too, going the rest of my days in this sadness.

It will be 9 months, this month on the 20th, that Rocky died in my arms. He wanted for me to be happy. Even meet someone, and be happy with them. He loved me like no one else ever had before. He was such a wonderful, giving, kind man. How will I ever find that again?

Comment by Carl accomando on December 9, 2016 at 1:16pm

I'm on welbutrin, Prozac I suffered from depression before she got sick and passed.Now it's not helping very much.I started on larazapan and it really helps

Comment by Michael on December 9, 2016 at 12:46pm

Kathleen
Ive been on wellbutrin for years, sincewife first got sick. In recent years i was able to cut it bAck cause i was fine. Now, boom! The days make me crazy as i no longer have job of caring for her.

Comment by kathleen akin on December 9, 2016 at 12:37pm

I try to stay away from antidepressants, I'm Bipolar and they do weird stuff to me, but I agreed with my therapist and am on Wellbutrin.  At first it didn't seem like it worked, so she upped the dose. It's working now. I'm pretty much blank.  I have to be like this because of things that have gone on at work, I need to maintain this blankness or I'm going to get fired. No crying at work.

Plus I drink wine at night to fall asleep. All the natural stuff has never worked for me. I know Rocky wouldn't like the wine part but oh well.

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