Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lynn Boyd on August 6, 2014 at 8:58am

I'm so sorry for your loss, Rachel. I won't even begin to try to compare your loss with my own six months ago.  I will tell you you MUST let yourself cry and grieve....believe it or not, it will make you feel a little better.  I know you are afraid of it being REAL, you are still in the perfectly normal shock and denial stage.  May I recommend a book I have read and recommended to others? "I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye" (by Brook Noel and Pamela Blair) has specific chapters on losing a child.  It has been a comfort to me since the sudden loss of my husband, and I hope it might help you.  You might find it in your local library, or buy an inexpensive used copy on Amazon.  The loss of a child is profound and scary.  Ask around and find a support group of others in your same situation, your hospital chaplain, church, or local hospice organization may be able to help you. Your faith may be shaken, but God will still listen to you....even yelling and screaming at God is a kind of prayer.  You will not always feel as you do right now. You might not believe that, but don't try to repress your grief.  Find a private place and let it out.  Scream.  Cry as hard as you can.  The harder you cry means the more that you loved her.  I wish you Peace and blessings.   

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on August 6, 2014 at 5:17pm

 I  am a gay man and I understand your loss.I lost my partner in October 2 2012 and I still cry and  suffer,He was shot two times by home invaders  and I was shot three times but I survived..God works  in strange ways.Keep praying and the Creator will help  .I  have had therapy but the best therapy is the Creator who made us .We have no other place to go.Pray to him and I will ask the Lord  to help on this journey .It is  not easy  but you can do it .Stanley

Permalink Reply by Wander on August 6, 2014 at 6:33pm

Oh, Rachel. I am so, so very sorry. No words exist to make this better... unfortunately, I know that from recent experience. I wish I didn't. I wish none of us did. 

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on August 6, 2014 at 6:44pm

You are right .We all suffer and all of us grieve in the same way. You are nor alone .You are feeling what we all feel and we all want to die but that is not the destiny for us.We must  pray until we all meet again with our Creator .We have no choice. Stanley

Permalink Reply by Sigrid on August 10, 2014 at 8:11pm

Rachel, I am so sorry. My husband and 16 yo son were killed in a car accident on August 8, 2013. I know what you mean by surreal. I had 'balloon head' - felt like my head was about three feet across and filled with air that wouldn't let me think. What a terrible shock for you. I understand that too. We were camping far away from home when the accident occurred, and were not even in the same city as the guys when they were killed. It took the police nearly four hours after the accident to locate us at our campsite. The car ride to my bil and sil's house was unreal. I held my 13 yo daughter in my arms and remember looking up at the starry night sky and wondering of the guys were looking down on us...? My heart goes out to you. I am here if you would like to talk.

Permalink Reply by Sharronm55us on August 18, 2014 at 8:31am

I lost my daughter on April 30th, but I do not know how you feel.  I know the pain I feel is over whelming, I have started crying and have not stopped, even when there are no tears, I am crying.  I will never stop crying, I am her mother.  After I was able to begin to feel the reality I began to cry.  I know it felt like I was going to lose it, I really mean mentally be lost forever.  I found a grief counselor and through her able to take baby steps to understanding what is happening to me and my memories and love for her.  There is a way to turn this around inside of yourself and you will feel pure love coming through to you, but it takes much work, much crying, much much much.  When you are ready you will accept, you will cry, you will grieve.  When you are ready we will be here, there is a friend you can reach out to, there is something in front of you...seek that something and please stop cramming it down, it will only make you sick or you will explode one day.  I seek to make my daughter proud of me, that has been one of my biggest goals.  Where ever her spirit is, I have her love and she is going to be proud to call me mother because I am going to walk through this and come out the other side with beautiful and cherished memories and filled with her love.  This is not easy, but I had to do this, not only for me, not only for her, but for US.  Huggles