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Comment by Debbie Cornwell on July 20, 2010 at 8:05pm

I am a 55 year old The 4th of July our pickup was hit by a semi and instantly killed my mom,dad and husband. Next to my hubby my mom was my best friend I am so alone . I reach for th ephone to call her and realize she is not there. I just realized there will be no Christmas or ?Thanksgiving because there is no one but me.

Comment by Colleen Grady on June 2, 2010 at 12:07pm

I don't know if I have the strength to write much now, but 7 months ago tomorrow, I lost my dad to a sudden massive stroke. In 5 days it will be one month since I lost my mom who was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread to her brain and bones on May 3rd and was gone by May 8th. She had shown no symptoms of any problems until the weekend before she died when we took her by ambulance to the hospital because of shortness of breath. My siblings and I are just so stunned. We were barely hanging on coping with the loss of our dad, and now mom is gone too. Before she died, she said "I just want to go and be with my love" and then in my mother's true style she said "if the fat lady has to sing, let her". Anyway, that's just a brief start to the story. I'll post more later when I have a little more strength.

Comment by Paige Anne Lovelace on May 13, 2010 at 9:18am

I am an orphaned adult. Read my blog about it. I didn't see the group until a few minutes ago. I lost my mom 10 years ago and my dad 3 years ago. I can't explain how hard it is to go through life without them.

Comment by terri on April 3, 2010 at 7:38pm

im here for myself and husband this group is for my husabnd lost his parents about 4yrs agao but didint get the news tell after they were gone havng a real rough time and all please any words or freinds would help thn u

Comment by Bianca Mitchell on February 19, 2010 at 12:39pm

I am 28 years old and I have had to deal with a tremendous amount of loss in my life. My dad and my step-mother died in a very unexpected accident in 1999, when I was only 18 years old. My dad lived in a townhouse and the neighbor accidentally left his car running in the attached garage. The carbon Monoxide killed my dad, my step mom, my dog, and the neighbor and his girlfriend, two other people were injured. My mom died in December 2005 when I was 26 years old. She struggled for many years from multiple health issues and finally succumbed to a diabetic attack at home. My step-father just died in November 2009 after a short battle with lung cancer, it came suddenly and it overpowered him very quickly.

I am at a complete loss. How can I possibly be the eldest generation? I feel very jealous of my friends that go home every couple of weeks and let their mothers take care of them and cook them their childhood favorite foods. All of these comforts are gone forever. I thought the other day, that no one alive remembers the day I was born. I know that doesn't seem like such a big deal on the surface, but the finality of it is huge to me. None of my friends know what to do or say. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. I have found comfort with some elderly people I know, they seem more willing to talk about loss and can be far more understanding than people my age. I don't think my friends want to be aloof or make me feel uncomfortable, but they simply do not know what to do. I really think we need to address these issues as a society, eventually it will happen to everyone, so why does no one ever talk about it?

Comment by Maggie May on February 18, 2010 at 1:58am

My dad died on March 1st, 2005 from pancreatic cancer. He was my best friend, my rock, the only one who understood and listened to me. My mom was diagnosed with brain cancer in 1985, I was 6mo old. She battled through it - 3 brain surgeries, countless hospitals, homes and living centers. The tumor was live for the first 7 yrs of my life... she drank constantly and abused me emotionally, physically, and sexually...I don't blame her for any of it... she was sick and didn't know what she was doing. My mother just died on October 3rd, 2009 and although she was never really a mother figure and she was so disabled from the brain trauma that she didn't know who I was....I'm grieving. The fact that my dad has been gone for 5 years...how has it been that long?...and he was the only one I could talk to about the hurt and conflicting emotions I had towards her (without feeling like a horrible daughter/person)...and that she's now gone.......
I'm an only child, a loner with few friends, and I'm feeling completely hopeless, helpless, desperate, depressed, and lost. I just want my dad back. I never had my mom...I'm not delusional...shit happens and I was lucky enough to have him there growing up....but I'm 24 now, pretty much all alone....whats next? Does this get any easier or will the grief continue to snowball until I'm at my breaking point and in the er again? (btw I'm really not trying to be dramatic about this....life could be a hell of a lot worse and I'm probably being selfish for even thinking about it....I just wanted someone to hear me...

Comment by CPS on February 11, 2010 at 2:09pm

Your honesty and descriptive writing is something to aspire to. I'm so glad you are here. I have also spent time debating suffering and have asked what is the point. I have lived in very poor regions of Africa and what you have described sounds like there and not North America. I have spent all of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop, white knuckling everything. Trying desperately to deal with this because I have like you repeatedly experienced how unexpected and painful death is. I don't want all the death and suffering to keep me from living life anger and anxiety free. I think that is going to be a process. My closest friend told me the other night that I don't have to be brave or strong...don't think I got what she was saying until I read your post so thank you for that.

Comment by Eric Guyand on February 11, 2010 at 10:32am

Thanks for responding :) It seems most people on here had a special relationship with their parents. My parents were religious freaks and emotionally abusive. They themselves were the product of extremely narrowminded religious freakiness. I keep wondering if the way they both died was in some way retribution for the way they lived. Or was it just a coincidence. I remember vividly walking down the hallway to visit my Mom. Nobody on that floor was ever going to leave. She was all the way in the back. I would walk down the hallway and the buzzers and bells were just going off and nobody seemed to pay any attention. People would be gasping " Help me " in their raspy voices and nobody would answer. They would be trying to pull out the tubes and cords attached to their bodies. Clearly they wanted to go. I don't ever want to end up there, begging for ice chips to moisten parched lips. Maybe they adjust to the suffering just like I was given extra strength to deal. Or maybe its the drugs that get us through it - drugs to numb the pain on both ends. Seeing this stage of life, up close and personal, makes me think that life is utterly cruel. I am absolutely baffled at what purpose this is supposed to serve and how this might be a reflection on the life I am living. I got sober for myself, just to relapse, when my Mom ended up on life support. I got sober again and when my Dad ended up on life support I didn't want to drink again - drugs would be different wouldn't they ? Different yes, alcohol is much easier to kick. Staying clean is a lifelong pursuit - so why do I get thrust into situations that are so incredibly difficult to deal with. How can people around me think I am so strong when I am anything but inside. Why do I have to put on a show of strength anyway ? I am just the baby - aren't my older siblings supposed to be the strong ones ? Sorry for babbling .....

Comment by CPS on February 10, 2010 at 3:29pm

Hi Eric
I am so sorry for the loss of your parents. I have had the same experience. My mom died 6 months ago. I was just telling a friend last night how much I relied on my parents by just knowing they were there and I feel totally lost now. It is a total mind f. I too am surrounded by family who haven't seemed to be affected by my moms death. It's like nothing has happened to them. I feel crazy with guilt, shame and grief all the time.
Know that your not crazy or alone...I feel the same way, so do many others on this site. Know that it's never a pity party to those of us who get what your going threw. People don't get it unless they have been threw it. If you can don't let that bring you down. You have enough to deal with...the fact that you singed up here means you are dealing. I too get the head tilts and blank stares.
It is so painful to think of my life without my parents.
I try to keep my chin up for my parents and the wonderful people they were to try and make them proud of me.
Unhappy thoughts...you need to talk to someone, maybe with our partner.

Comment by Eric Guyand on February 10, 2010 at 2:49pm

It looks like I have come to the right place, because nobody seems to understand unless they are in the same boat. Both my parents had to be removed from life support and they basically both suffered deaths that seem to me to be the worst kind of death imaginable - very slow. On the rare occasion that I answer honestly someone's question about where my parents live - I get the same blank stare: total disbelief. One actually said, "Wow, you are like a movie on Lifetime. I didn't know that people like you really existed." I could write forever, but I need to be brief so you guys might read this and hopefully offer some direction. The only way I could cope with both situations was drugs. Pills for my Mom's death 10 years ago and far worse for my Dad's situation - he died 15 months ago. I don't think I have really faced the emotional trauma of what happened. It was all very dramatic dealing with my siblings and the family was basically ripped apart. People take for granted how much support they get from their parents - hell, even just knowing that they are there to catch you if the bottom should fall out from under you. Nobody ever wanted to go with me to visit my Dad at the end. I had to go - most of my brothers and sisters didn't. It is very hard to watch someone die over a period of months. But you do it. I think I must have blocked out the trauma with the drugs. I need to get and stay clean I know. I can't talk about this in from of people - I would just break down and be a total mess in public instead of the privacy of my own home. People look at me and think I have the perfect life. Little do they know that I am bordering on insanity. My partner actually acts like nothing happened. It is a huge burden when all of the sudden you are responsible for your parents welfare. Everybody reacts differently. Nobody knows how to deal. Did we let our parents down ? Please excuse my language, but this is the only way that I know how to
explain it - it is a huge mindf*ck. I think that alot of extra strength comes from within to handle immediate crisises. But when that strength is gone, where does the strength to deal with the aftermath come from ? I am going to an AA meeting to deal with getting clean, but getting clean will not resolve the underlying issues of ?? grief ? guilt ? shame? Where do you go to deal with that ? I am having not very pretty thoughts lately and know I am at the point of needing to take action and not having a full out pity party for one. Any ideas, comments, etc ??
Thanks :)

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