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Permalink Reply by Ruth on October 10, 2011 at 8:52pm

Dear Amber,

I am sorry your conversation on this thread has been overlooked for so long.  Sometimes that happens; me I haven't been on the boards much since school started.  I don't know how far along your situation is now and I can only tell you what I've learned losing my parents separately and now that I'm older, as well.  My mom died of breast/brain cancer 20 years ago when I was 30 and my dad was murdered, stabbed to death at least 11 times almost 4 years ago.  I do not think it would be good to look at the photographs.  It would not make it any more real to you but it would be very traumatizing and could make your life much harder than it has to be.  I still think my dad just pulled up in his little Ford Ranger when I hear the neighbor's S1O rattle by.  I catch myself starting to dial his number to tell him some nature thing I just saw in the yard.  I had to look at crime scene  photos to explain a couple of details and while it was cleaned up as much as possible, without my dad's corpse there, it was still very graphic. I know when the trial starts this winter, I will probably not be in the courtroom for certain portions of the trial.  I already have terrible mind scenarios of his suffering and disfigurement, hearing the truth won't make it any better and might make it worse. I will pray for you in any case and let you know we are here.  (((hugs)))) and best wishes, Ruth