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Comment by Terri Kuta on June 26, 2011 at 3:22pm

Melissa, the last thing right now is for your to put on a face you just lost your daughter cry scream talk do what ever you have  to do to make it thru the next hour, your true friends and family will be there to pick you up, and we are here for you to vent to i lost my son 7 months ago and it still seems like yesterday he was only 17

 

Comment by Ammy on June 25, 2011 at 8:23am

Melissa, I'm so sorry you have to go through this.  It is one of, if not the hardest things we will ever experience in this life.  You are going to experience emotions you never knew you had.  Don't hide your grief.  You have every right to it.  This is your child, your baby.  She will always be a part of you.  I'm with you in spirit as you go through the service today.  Hugs, Ann

Comment by Melissa Szuch on June 25, 2011 at 8:16am

My Daughters service is today, Sarah passed away June 14th, Sarah is 27. I had always heard that the loss of a child is the worse. I feel like my soul is being ripped out and there is no air, my family tells me to try and focus on all the happy times that we shared. blah blah blah.  All I know is she is gone and I will never be able to hold her, call her etc.....  Its hard to sleep I found Sarah in her apt she had been gone for 2 days , that is all I see when i close my eyes. I dont want to go to her service, I dont want a funneral to be the last thing I do for her. I just want my baby back.... So now I will try and appear normal so no one thinks I am loosing my mind. I hate the look on peoples faces when I start to cry. I know they mean well and there just trying to help they just dont know what I am going threw. I know you all know what I am feeling . I just need someone to understand

Comment by Ann Edmondson on June 22, 2011 at 10:53pm

Lazondral -- I am glad you had a great day. Celebrating our loved ones lives even though they may not be with us is both exhilarating and sad at the same time. I am glad you found a way to celebrate in happiness. ~ Ann E.

Comment by Lazondral Nelson (Nicole) on June 22, 2011 at 9:25pm

I wish to offer my condolences to all families. May God give you and your family peace and comfort during this time. God Bless you all!

 

We had a Celebration of Life dinner and held a small ceremony at the gravesite in honor of Kashmir's 21st birthday. My daughter's best friends did a wonderful job putting everything together. So many people came out! I was overwhelmed with the love shown for Kashmir. That turned a rough day into a great day.

Comment by Karen R. on June 18, 2011 at 12:20pm

Ann, thanks for posting that poem, I definitely relate to it.

Comment by Karen R. on June 18, 2011 at 12:19pm

Hello Ann, I really like your idea for going to a shelter and providing gifts. That really warmed my heart. I think I might plan to do the same. That's a beautiful gesture to honor their life.

Comment by Karen R. on June 18, 2011 at 12:16pm

Birthdays...........for my son's 1st birthday since he left us, we had a small birthday celebration or life celebration at home. Every minute leading up to it, I felt like I was going to call everyone and cancel it. I started to feel like was just going to lock my self up in my room but then I became eager to celebrate it. I made I had his favorite ice cream cake from Carvel's. He has had this cake just about every year of his life. He would always remind me to get him that cake, you would think at 21, he would maybe want a different cake but no way, this is his favorite! Most of his cousins his age came over, they were all super close, they were hanging out together all the time. A few of his closest friends also came over. As I placed the 22 candles, I began to weep, I couldn't believe that he was not there to blow out his candles but everyone there comforted me the best way they could and it helped me get through the rest of that evening. Everyone went around the room to tell a funny story about my son. Everyone knew his favorite saying......."Relax, it's NOT that serious!", oh my goodness, that boy said that for everything. Then everyone made fun of the way he danced, that made me laugh so hard, he did this one dance, no matter what the music was and everyone there knew this. Hearing my son's friends reminisce about him, especially when they were very little. This helped me so much, because I always have this fear that they will all forget about my son and that he will only end up being a memory to them. My son is soooooooooooooo much more than a "memory", he had a life and he will always be my son, he will always be my baby. The more they spoke about him, the better I felt. We played his favorite music artists music, Michael Jackson and Bob Marley, along with quite a few of my son's own music that he produced. He was a avid keyboard player and that was his dream/ goal to become this great music producer .He taught himself how to play. That boy would make beats/tracks all day when he wasn't at work. He had his own studio equipment. He lived for his music.

 

One of my daughters had told me that a birthday party for him would be too much for her to handle and that she would not attend but she changed her mind and was extremely glad that she came. She said that it also brought her so much comfort. I could actually feel my son's presence there, I could feel him standing next to me. We repeated the celebration for his last birthday when he turned 23. 

Everyone has different views on this, I know some people who would never consider doing what I did for whatever reason, to each, its own. Some people choose to go to their final resting place, I chose not. For me, at this time, that would be the last place I would go for my son's birthday. That dreadful place only intensifies my sadness and doesnt represent his life to me. I do however, go there ofetn, sometimes 3-4 times a week, because I like to maintain it, the same way I would have taken care of his room. Sometimes I just go there to drive pass it, I keep driving while convincing myself that my son is not there and none of this happened. I am crazy, I'm a nut case! lol! This can really make you crazy. I also make sure I maintain my son's memorial site at the intersection where all of this occured. I have flowers around his picture on a tree. I place balloons there often. There are some days that I can NOT drive pass there, I will avoid it. My father, till this day, will NOT drive pass that street.

Do what your heart feels, no one can judge you!

Love to all!

Comment by Karen R. on June 18, 2011 at 11:28am

Dear Margaret, I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your brother. I am also sorry to hear about your diagnosis of cancer but I just wanted to tell you that the ugly word, sometimes frightening word 'cancer' does not mean a death sentence. I know many people, including my family members, that have all beaten cancer and are doing quite well.  Unfortunately, sometimes when it rains, it pours!!!!!!! You have more than enough on your plate. I hope justice prevails in your son's case. I totally understand the agony over that because my son's case("accident"/murder), is still under investigation. I really need these people to be held accountable for what they did to my son. I feel like the process of me finding just a little peace, will NEVER come until I get justice for my son. They silenced my son's voice but they did not silence mine's. Take care of your self.

Comment by Margaret Ann Puckett on June 17, 2011 at 10:27pm

Well my dear friends it is never ending for me & I just don't understand why.  Last Wed I was told I have breast cancer then on Thurs 6-8 my dear brother Dan passed away.  Its been a really crazy week.  I had to go to his home 100 miles away 2x this week to make arrangements & clean out his apartment.  I had to have him cremated & had to put his service off until next month. I then went Wed 6-15 to have a lumpectomy & have the cancer taken out.  I won't get the results until Monday as to find out if it has spread!!  Then Monday the 27th I must go to Florida for the trial for the person who murdered my son last year.  So, I probally won't be online much till its all over.  I almost hate to wake up anymore as I am afraid whats next!!  Anyhow, Bless you all & I'll be back when I can to let you all know how it went..  Love, Maggie

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